Am i fucking us up?

Discussion in 'Love and Sex' started by Danielle, May 28, 2004.

  1. Danielle

    Danielle Member

    My man wants to marry me we are engaged have been now for a month the first date we set was 10-14-2007 then he as we was going down the road asked me if i thought that was to long to wait and in my heart yeah i wanna be married before that so we talked about about it so he was like how about our ann. of the day we got together September 22nd 2006 i kinda got upset cause i kinda want marriage before then. I am 20 1/2 years old now and i will be about 23 then ...on top that he wants to wait like a year after marriage before we try for kids. that puts me at 24 and we want 2 kids about 2ish years apart that puts me at 26 almost 27 to be pregnant with the 2nd 1. And thats not going to happen because on my 25th Birthday i want my tubes tied i have said i was gettied fixed at age 25 sense i was 13 years old.

    Am i being selfish with the fact that my cut off line is 25 years old? My ideal time to have kids is 20-25 years old his is like 23-27 even though i know he would not mind waiting 25-30 years to have a kid. im 20 and he is 21. am i pushing to much am i wanting something before its going to happen. If i dont get the idea out of my head of not having a kid after 25 am i going to ruin our relationship? I love him to death but he wants marriage later then me and he wants kids later then me. Am i going to screw us up? I told him and he said he understands that i dont wants kids after 25 and i told him about my 25th birthday plan of my tubes being tied. He said then we weill have a kid before that. He said he is afraid if never have kids i will hate him for it . he said 10 years down the road hes afriad im going to hate him and blame him cause we never had kids.

    Am i fucking us up?
     
  2. Good God! I'm so behind!
    Anyways, what I want to know is why do you have to get your tubes tied when you are 25, can't you push that back a few years? Just take everything as it comes. Why set exact dates for things?
     
  3. 25 is an arbitrary number. What did you know when you were 13? Push the date back a little, no harm done. 20 year old women shouldn't take such important advise from 13 year olds!
     
  4. sugrmag

    sugrmag Uber Nerd

    You shouldn't make such rigid plans. Who knows what will happen? What if you change your mind and want to have more kids? I never wanted any, now I have two, and want many more! let life take you where it wants. If you want to get married sooner, that's great, but what if your fiancee doesn't? Why would you want to get your tubes tied at 25? Surgery is never fun...I had two abdominal surgeries within 6 months...I wouldn't wish that on anyone! and it is such a finite form of BC. I would def. think twice about it.
     
  5. The Penis

    The Penis Member

    i say relax. as the doors would say, "take it easy baby, take it as it comes..."

    wat happens, happens. try not to worry so much.

    why are you in a rush to get kids out of the way?
     
  6. Danielle

    Danielle Member

    My mom had me at 36 and she never got to do any thing with me i grew up pretty much on my own. I was baby sitting new borns at 9 i never was a kid i kinda skipped that age and went to adult. i never had the teenage life and i dont have the life of a 20 year old now. Him and i just usually hang out by our selfs we dont go out or any thing i dont party i dont drink i dont do drugs the only fun i have is when i am with him pretty much.

    my brother is 27 years old has a 9 1/2 year old a 6 1/2 year old and a 2 year old and a baby on the way. I set the age when i was 13 because i never got to have a kids life i just grew up that was in my mom didnt do any thing with me she was busy doing her own stuff. so at 13 i said that i didnt want kid after 25 i wanted to give my kids half a chance of having a child hood i wanna do things with my kid(s) and im afraid if i wait to have my kids that i will do the same as her.

    My fiance is in college and all he wants to wait on having kids till he is out of school with might be 4 or 5 years from now who knows. It wa just 2-3 years awya but now he is talking about switching majors which means he will be in school even longer. I am not in college and nor do i have any plans on going.

    The people that i hang around with are older then me and all have kids. I know i should get some more friends around my age but it never really works out because the things i see people doing around me around my age i find stupid i just dont fit in with people my own age. even when i was 13 i wasnt around people my own age. i have never been round people my own age. And i think that has alot to do with the fact of my want kids soon now ages away!
     
  7. The Penis

    The Penis Member

    why can't your kids have a childhood if you're an "older" parent? my mother was 35 when i was born.
     
  8. monosphere

    monosphere Holly's Hubby

    In my personal opinion, I'd say wait until AFTER you turn 25 to start having kids. Why not enjoy the marriage for a little while before pumping out the babies?

    Give up those plans to tie the tubes on your 25th. You don't NEED to do it then. Besides, you might decide not to have anymore children after the first, or you might want to have more than two down the road. You might have those maternal thoughts when you're 30. A person goes through the most changes between 13 and 25, physically as well as psychologically, so going by your age 13 plan might be the worst mistake you've ever made in your life. You have no idea how you're going to feel about this in a couple of years.

    Just be very careful you know what you're doing and you know what to expect in the future before going through with such a permanent procedure.
     
  9. sugrmag

    sugrmag Uber Nerd

    My mother had her tubes tied after my sister was born...but she was 41! i have a 3 yr old sister, and it is the best thing that has ever happened to my mom. She looks younger, acts younger, feels younger. It is a very permanent decision, and if you want to have kids anyway, why limit yourself? Kids are the greatest thing in the world, IMO, they give you a chance to act silly and have fun when you wouldn't otherwise. dont get me wrong, they are a huge responsibility, but don't be so hasty with your decision. Just because you had to grow up so fast, doesn't mean your kids have to do the same. Like I said before, just let things happen.
     
  10. So I stumbled upon this thread just now and I am curious...what decisions did you end up making and how did it work out ?
     
  11. undefeated41

    undefeated41 Members

    If this thread was from 04. She def not 20yo anymore..this issue is way over by now...or maybe not. Lol
     
  12. Andy Schumer

    Andy Schumer Members

    I am curious if OP is still reading and can give an update.
    Reading the original one in this thread, I thought things could go too fast!
    Sometimes causing regrets
     

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