Please answer honestly and objectivley. My fiancee is a poster on this site and I am in no way creating this thread to try and sound right. I am just new at this whole caring about someone else thing and sometimes I think I may be smothering him. Okay, I moved in about a week ago. I do not work at the moment (I quit my job so I could take my last college course and move here) so he works and pays all of the bills. I buy groceries and my car payment and insurance and that's about it so I try to cook and clean-up and make his lunch and that that stuff guys dig. Well, I eat mostly organic food and do not like preservatives or food that has no nutritional value. Note-I am not into low-calorie or low-fat. I just do not like me or people I love eating food that will give them cancer. So here's the main question: For his lunch I have been getting him organic fruit and have been packing dinner from the night before that I made preservative free. I also got him glass tupperware instead of the plastic stuff he used to use because plastic has carcinogens once it is microwaved. Anywho, today I am going to the store and he asked me to get him those packs of crackers with the peanut butter or cheese in them (and wheat-glutten, and nitrates and dyes) and I said no and that instead I would get him some healthy, whole-grain ones. WAS THIS TOO OVERBEARING OR NOT MY PLACE? It's just the way i see it I am spending all of this money and energy getting and preparing organic food. Why waste that with buying preservative laden crackers? But then I see his point too, even though he didn't argue it. I mean he works 12 hour shifts and works so hard...if crackers make him happy wtf? right, why not just get them? But then this is another aspect of the problem. I am 9 years younger than him and have huge abandonment issues. i am so afraid he is going to die. I just had a male father figure in my life pass away and I have been so scared that Andy or my grandpa are going to die unexpectantly as well. Also, I want to lose weight for our wedding. Not by cutting calories, but by eating real food so my body learns how to turn the hungry signal off when it has enough nutrients in it. I am a revoering bulimic and really don't want any food int eh house that triggers those behaviors again. If I have junk food in the house I will eat it. I also want our kids to only eat whole foods and not eat any junk. I think starting out this way as a couple will let that happen naturally when we have kids. I mean even our dog is eating whole food. Why would I let my fiancee eat something I wouldn't feed to our dog. PS-He also had me quit smoking for health reasons so aren't I just returning the favor by caring? (I meant that to be sincere). Once again I just want opinions because I love my fiancee and do not want him to die of cancer, but I also don't want him to think I am a nagging bitch (not that he would ever call me either of those things). What do you think?
I'm a very health conscious person as well, and try to eat only organic foods with no preservatives. But at the same time, a pack of cancer-crackers here and there won't kill ya. The human body is amazing at how it can filter out all that unhealthy shit, and it only becomes a problem if you eat unhealthy foods on a daily basis. All I can say is, talk to him about it and if he still wants to eat some cancer-crackers, let him go for it. As much as you are attached to him, it is still his body after all.
I don't really think crackers can be compared to smoking. If you don't want the food in the house so you don't eat it that is a little understandable but don't ask him to change everything in his life to suite your needs or there will be lots of resentment there. If he wants the crackers buy them and ask him to keep them at work or in his car that way he can have them and you wont be tempted.
HAHAAAAAAAAAAAAAA I love it! Okay what6 if i just make the rule that I will not buy junk food? Then if he wants the crackers that much he can go to the store and get them himself, but I also will not buy him healthy crackers or healthy stuff for his lunch because I would feel like I am wasting my money buying organic food when my effort is thwarted because of cheese crackers. And note-he does drink vodka and diet soda-which is sooooooo bad. I hate that he drinks diet soda. He driinks beer as well, which I think is good for you. He will not just drink beer because he likes to watch his weight.
but my point is that I don t get on him for the couple of vodkas and diet sodas he drinks everynight because he enjoys them a lot. I think everyone needs their vices-but they need to pick out their favorite ones. I have cut back a lot on sugar since moving in. The only sugar I eat is preservative free frozen yogurt and hot chocolate with kaluha in it before I go to bed (which I make with real chocolate-not mix). This is something that he suggested before I moved in. I was spending about 6 bucks a day on iced mochas. Knowing that they weren't good for me and it wasn't fair for him to budget for bills and me to buy those everyday I cut them out.
I think you are trying to make excuses to get what you want any way. I'm am sorry if that sounds harsh but he is a grown man and if he wants crackers then he should be able to get crackers. I really think you are making a mountain our of a mole hill in this situation.
Let the man have his crackers. At our home we grow and buy natural, organic food and eat extremely healthy. If my wife had said No to my request for some crappy crackers I would be pissed. If you don't want them around you fine, leave them in his car, but don't turn food into a control issue.
I got him his crackers...and I got birthday cake and ice cream because my mom made me a german chocolate cake and he doesn't like coconut. I feel bad about the cracker thing. i was being a total brat.
I do have control issues and he's not the type of guy who will let osmeone control him (which I am glad of, I don't like men who let me control them) so we have really been working on this for me to change. I am proud of myself for stopping being controlling before he even found out.
I just re-read my posts and OMG you are right what was I thinking? they are just fucking crackers!!!!
You are a recovering bulimic, and from my understanding, these kinds of problems come from a need for control in your life... not necessarily your diet, and it also stems from low self-esteem, self-worth. It's great that you are in the recovery stage from the bulimia, but it seems psychologically unhealthy to me to be so freaky about food. Yes, you should certainly eat healthy, and organic is wonderful, but it seems like you spent a good bit of your time in your post trying to justify your means. And I wonder if it isn't just something for you to deal with, and has a lot less to do with your fiancee. JMHO...
it's totally my issue and has nothing to do with him. Since I've been in recovery I have gained a bit of weight. I hadn't been underweight since I was a teenager so I did not need to gain weight and I think my metabolism and body being out of whack now after all I put it through is troubeling because i cannot control it. I need to understand that it is an issue I have with me and not him. He is healthy and not overweight at all imo so I need to stop controlling because there is no reason to.
Sounds like organic is the best thing you can do for yourself right now, then. Good luck, and I hope that you get your body back on track.
i think its awesome that you two are realizing thatyall need to compromise on stuff, even the sillysmall stuff like unhealthy crackers as an occasional small treat i think you two are gonna do really well as long as you two keep communicating like this
