am I an awful gf?

Discussion in 'Relationships' started by i_was_in_shroom_land, Dec 25, 2013.

  1. Asmodean

    Asmodean Slo motion rider

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    All you can eat salads? You crazy. I like the other part though ;) :p
     
  2. usedtobehoney

    usedtobehoney Senior Member

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    LOL. Soup Plantation! I know where you live.
     
  3. deviate

    deviate Senior Member

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    Not really.. I'm well aware of working from home and even running businesses from home. That works for some and that is great for them.

    My line is work is more tangible though and it involves long hours and hard work. I don't make money talking on the phone or sending emails.

    If you would notice I said 'I want'.. because that fits in line with my life and occupation. I never once said this is how it has to be for everyone. Although I did say men are designed to go out and provide - because we are. It's hardwired in us, instinctual. If you look at the bulk of human history, men went out and hunted food while the women stayed back and took care of the domicile and offspring. That's how it was for hundreds of thousands of years.. all of this stuff we are discussing is new. So if you have an issue with that, what can I say except it's not my problem.
     
  4. monkjr

    monkjr Senior Member

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    It's not so much that I have an issue with it I am just pointing out that what it means to provide has changed based on the era of early man, and modern man.

    Jobs that "provide" provide artificial substance like money which is cultural, whereas early providers literally hunted for subsistence. It's different now, and their is a hierarchy in most of the developed world that the more cerebral your job is the more "status" you have and larger paycheck than say a manual laborer.

    Tbh, i think both you and your husband are vindictive which explains why it is not working

    Tasks should never be about labels, they're just chores, and principles are lame, the best relationships are always pragmatic and might fall into a stereotype but it's never the stereotype for the sake of deliberately being the stereotype. It just works and naturally turned out that way.
     
  5. happilyinlove

    happilyinlove with myself :p

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    Idk where we are in the thread at the present time, not going to read 7 pages right now… but to answer the OP:

    I think you guys probably aren't compatible. He maybe right to say that you're not right for each other because you have differing lifestyle expectations.

    I used to date someone, and lived with them, who also expected and would become rude/nasty if certain chores weren't done for him on his time schedule. Its not that I didn't ever want to do them, but his attitude made me even less interested.

    Now, in my current relationship, my fiancé does help out yet I still do most chores. I do our laundry, I do the dishes, I cook most meals, I clean the rest of the house too. He will help every now and then but I don't expect him to. I like a clean house, so I don't mind doing all these things. I don't feel that my willingness to clean or participate degrades me in any way either, as in I'm not an employee or slave. It's just I like a nice house and I like doing nice things for him/us.
     
  6. deviate

    deviate Senior Member

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    It has changed/is changing, but very recently. And money is not an artificial substance when it can be used for things like shelter, transportation, food, protection, and luxuries. Money is everything whether you like it or not..

    And I do agree about what you said as a whole regarding the cerebral type jobs. Those people (to me) seem to be lacking any real security, they can get laid off at any point for any reason - so they come across as more dependent on others or on corporations. That's why I do what I do by choice and I make damn good money on my terms. And will continue to only make more and more by being a near irreplaceable asset. I don't give a damn about social status but in general you are right.

    I have noticed though that society is trending to back to using their hands - or at least respecting it a lot more than it was during the economic boom of the early 2000s. Now that people saw how quickly and easily those kinds of bubbles can pop.
     
  7. Asmodean

    Asmodean Slo motion rider

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    I really think making a distinction between cerebral type jobs and working with your hands and saying how dependant the one a person can make is not the issue in this thread and even sounds slightly condescending.
    Even if it was the issue: you know how many construction workers get laid off when everybody is keeping their wallets closed :p They lack just as much security.
    It also seems to me that monkjr only acknowledged money is everything (let's just say a lot, it's not everything :p) and with artificial substance he ment it has changed the original primal way of providing. That you can pay for shelter and food with it does not make it less artificial :p
     
  8. puggybear

    puggybear stars may twinkle-but I shine!

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    Blimey-seven pages of arguments about the washing!

    And people wonder why the divorce rate is so high......
     
  9. Asmodean

    Asmodean Slo motion rider

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    Because of emancipation? :D
     
  10. *MAMA*

    *MAMA* Perfectly Imperfect

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    Because women should just shut up and do what they're told?
     
  11. wobs

    wobs Senior Member

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    exactly mama
     
  12. Jo King

    Jo King wannabe

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    Exactly






    :leaving:
     
  13. *MAMA*

    *MAMA* Perfectly Imperfect

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    *gets back to the kitchen where she belongs*
     
  14. wobs

    wobs Senior Member

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    hey youre brilliantx
     
  15. deviate

    deviate Senior Member

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    Thank you for clearing up the confusion, captain obvious.

    And I don't give a damn if I sound condescending or not. My work is both cerebral and physical, and there is a very small segment of the population that can do this type of stuff even half as skilled as I can. And a much much smaller segment on my level.

    I do what I do, and I know what I want out of life both professionally and personal. There's no point debating with me about this because you won't win.

    Edit: And I'm not talking about banging hammers here. That is a very different industry for many reasons.
     
  16. Asmodean

    Asmodean Slo motion rider

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    You're funny. Is this thread about you or something? Must have missed it :mickey:

    And I was just stating that it sound condescending in case it sounded like that on accident. I did not say anything about your own work at all :p It's great that you do what you do but I don't get why you talk about that here exactly (and not only here but everywhere). Especially if you feel so easily attacked as you do when it's about your work I don't know why you keep sharing all that stuff..
     
  17. Squidzz

    Squidzz Guest

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    I get where he is coming from my family is very into "obey men" type of thing like basically your the woman you do the housework... But I understand how you feel I'm the same way.. I shouldn't be expected to do everything.. Try telling him you wanna have a call conversation and try to work things out.. If not maybe you two shouldn't date :/
     
  18. deviate

    deviate Senior Member

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    You see, I have these things called opinions.. That I'm not afraid to share. I stated what I want out of life and the reason why.

    In other words saying I want a domestic goddess, which the op obviously isn't into and that's her perogative. In other words she needs to find a more domesticated man. Or at least one who doesn't demand she be his mother or something.

    I don't take offense to it I just expect a lot of people to not understand. Because while people like you are sleeping in and going about your relaxed day.. I'm grinding my ass off to bring in the loot.

    You have your opinions about me and that's cool, but I have mine about you also. Such as you don't seem to be doing much with your life so you like to analyze and criticize others. You'll figure it out though and then you'll probably have strong opinions also. Of course I don't know if that's a normal course of existence in the Netherlands or not, so maybe you won't.

    Sorry if that is harsh but I feel like you are constantly nitpicking others and not stating your own opinions about anything.
     
  19. happilyinlove

    happilyinlove with myself :p

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    The bold part is true. Going tit for tat and not wanting to do the housework out of spite, simply because you don't want to be a "doormat" sounds like a person with a chip on their shoulder.

    Also, with regard to the blue italics: I still strongly value the hard labor that men do because I simply cannot do the same things my fiancé does. For example, his family has a very successful cattle farm that has been in the family for a hundred years or so. The work he has done on the farm is just mind boggling to me because I know I could never adequately preform the same tasks. So you are right in a sense but its important not to overlook the other side of the fence.
     
  20. TheRhastaWasta

    TheRhastaWasta Member

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    I don't know what your BF's background is. But in some cultures women do do all the house work while the man goes out to work and get money and what not.... But that is a way of life for a lot of people on this planet...

    I would suggest that if you know that your BF has an opened mind and ready to listen, then you should have a face to face talk with him. Not on Facebook not by txt or phone. No face to face... And explain to him where you are coming from and try to understand where he is coming from. And I am sure you guys would settle for something that you both agree on without arguing and using foul language!
    Hope things work out for the best!
     

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