am I an awful gf?

Was talking to my bf today on fb chat. Cause Christmas.
He on vacation and haven't seen him for a few weeks.
So were chatting for a bit, then eventually begins to argue that maybe we aren't right for each other. Were too different..
This is kinda normal. He gets like that when ever he doesn't get any. Every time.. Anyway.. It kinda somehow got changed to laundry. This is the problemo..

He is kinda old fashioned u know.. Expects food to be ready for him when he gets home from work.. Expects me to clean. And do his laundry for him

Then I say... Ok.. I don't mind cooking dinner.. Sometimes. When i feel like it. But I don't like to have to be expected to cook for him every day. To have his dish ready for him. And clean up after him when he's done eating.
I'm like no.. Fuck that.

And the laundry ThAts what really pissed me off.. I was like ... I'm not gonna do your laundry. I'm not your mother. You're a grown man you can do it yourself.

And he argues with me about that shit.
expects me to be more like them old fashioned girls who do all that crap for their husband.

Then he's like, my cousin here (where hes staying at the moment) have no problem doing my laundry.. I'm like good for them. They're just being nice. Cause ur the guest. But once it becomes part of your lifestyle. They'd be like no. Fuck that cholo do it yourself.

He says I'm just raised by a completely different culture then what he's used to seeing and expects of me.

Like I said before.. I won't mind doing it sometimes. If i feel like it. But what he expects is it to be a thing. Like a regular thing.. Were not even married.. Ahhh...

Am I a terrible gf for this.. is he right?
Or am I right..

Do you do your SOs laundry.

 

I Think You Are Right...:2thumbsup:



Cheers Glen.

 

Looks like you need a different kind of boyfriend and he needs a different kind of girlfriend. I'm sorry if this sounds harsh but if your demands are incompatible and neither is willing to yield, then there is little chance of the two of you staying together for very long.

It would be easy for me to say that you are right or that he is right. But my judgement is not what should matter to you. The important question is: why don't you want to do his laundry? I mean, if you're doing your own laundry anyway. What is the point of each one doing his own laundry, instead of one family member taking care of the entire family's laundry?

If doing his laundry is somehow disgusting to you, or it's too tiring to do all the laundry all the time, then you have the choice between ending the relationship or having an eternal war at your home.
If it's, however, some kind of a gender equality obsession, then you have to decide what is more important to you: a harmonious relationship or living up to some social activists' expectations.

Of course, you can also threaten to end the relationship to bluff him into giving in. Or you can actually go into that daily war, making hysterical scenes until he gives up his demands – or leaves you. You know him best, so you'll know better than me which strategy is likely to be most efficient.

At any rate, you shouldn't ask who has to do what. You should ask what is it that you want.

 

Maybe he is right, you probably aren't right for each other. He needs a doormat who is going to wipe his ass for him, and you need an actual man. Maybe it is time that you part ways.

But to be more serious. Are you to compatible in all other ways? Is he willing to compromise on this? How long have you been together?

 

I think he is the wrong guy for most women, and I suspect that there are likely other issues in your relationship. Put your own self esteem front and center!

 

The house you live in- built by men.
The utilities your use- largely designed and built by men.
The car you drive- designed and built by men.
The bus/train/plane that takes around the world- designed and built by men.
The food you eat- grown/reared predominantly by men.

Oh dear a bit of laundry and cooking, must be a terrible life being a woman these days and having to do that.

Women these days I don't know, they are so ungrateful, down right selfish. Whatever happened to good old fashioned compassion? Is there none left in the world?

 

This^^.

That being said...my wife does my laundry and cooks for me. But she isn't a doormat and she knows it.

 

You're nowhere near terrible. It sounds like you're having a relationship with a child rather than an adult. That is shown at the beginning with the argument. If he's always arguing about not being together when he doesn't get what he wants, it's a good idea to let him go. It will only get worse, he's immature, doesn't even know how to argue, let alone take care of himself.

I'm sure you can find someone else who will not make you feel terrible for having your own desires, rather than wanting to be a personal maid for someone who then makes you feel horrible about it. I've said this before, many women don't mind doing domestic things for their partners, but like you said, not if it is within their means to take care of themselves and they don't even try. He's spoiled. He doesn't appreciate what you do for him, it's time to just stop doing it.

Seriously, children are more self-sufficient than that. A 3 year old can clean up after themselves after eating AND help with laundry. Do you want a partner or a child? Your choice of course. A partnership is about being a team, if you're in a team and it benefits you both to help each other maintain a certain lifestyle, then you BOTH pitch in. That's how a healthy partnership works. I'm no expert, but I know that much.

 

Forget him. There are tons of nice guys who would appreciate you.

It's really too bad that's not what hot women are looking for.

 

Alpha males, get all the chicks.

 

Are you kidding me, you're a nightmare of a girlfriend.
Jo King

But on a serious note you do need to work this out before the relationship goes any further.

 

Women love to complain these days, anything they can think of. The world around us for the greater part built by men for our comfort and convenience, and these modern day 3rd generation feminists don't even want to make a bit of dinner or do the washing up for their man, who has probably been out all day working hard to put a roof over her head. It resonates with ingratitude and self-centredness that is so unbecoming of young women today.

 

ur bf sounds like a piece of rotting shit

 

what do you think WIFE stands for shroom, i will tell you ,,Washing,Ironing,Fucking ,Etc only kidding shroom ,hope you have a good christmas

 

I'm a very domestic person, and I love to cook and clean and do laundry, but if anyone tried to tell me I HAD to do it, or that they expected it of me, I'd be telling them to gtfo. Doing things like that for another person is an act of love, in my eyes. They do it because they WANT to, and the other partner ( be it the male or the female) should be grateful when it does happen. It should never be expected.

 

I'll happily stay at home while the wife goes out and earns the money. Cleaning and cooking is not a difficult job. If I worked hard all day and then came home to find not a plate of dinner, but a complaining pseudo feminist going about how I was abusing her rights I'd be filing for divorce. Cheaper to get a take away in every night than pay for new shoes every two weeks.

 

Perhaps you are just an awful girlfriend for this guy in particular. His loss (if he doesn't stop insisting that you do that shit) :biggrin:

 

Misandry dressed as some form of new age feminism.

 

Do you work outside the house? Do you live together? If you do not work and live together, I don't think it's all that unreasonable to take on some of the household chores as your own.

 

^ this. He's not wrong to want what he wants, and you're not wrong to not want to put up with it.

Everyone has a right to have their own wants and expectations.

The issue then, is whether one or the other is willing to yield, you can find a harmonious compromise, or if you'd both be better off apart.

There are traditional women in the world who don't mind doing housework. As long as they're choosing that, it's not oppressive. Frankly, there's evidence that doing the housework is a much better deal than having to earn the income and do the other traditional "man" work.

You can also find a guy who will share housework or be the house husband.

So you have to decide what the relationship is worth to you, and whether it is worth the effort to make the peace.

Sounds like he's the one that's not happy with his end of the deal.