Am I alone on this one?

Discussion in 'Love and Sex' started by anok4uok, Jan 15, 2005.

  1. anok4uok

    anok4uok Member

    Someone posted something slightly similar to this, but not totally. I'm 19, have never had sex. I've always been internally obsessed with it. But something tonight brought back an old feeling that I try not to let get to close to me, something I keep locked up usually, because it bothers me way too much. This feeling, I'm almost wondering if i'm isolated in it, no one else sees it how I do, or no one has every agreed with me on that feeling, not yet. So, I want to experience sex very badly, but I kinda want to find someone who is physically attractive, and mentally identifies with me (mentally attractive), a "soulmate" so to speak. I've always wished for my first time to be with someone of both of those qualitities. Because that first time of sex, would almost seem extremely spiritual, but at my age, I feel that I've passed my chance up, it usually seems to happen in high school years only, and now i have to settle for something less of which my original desires were, or so it seems. It irritates and depresses me emotionally everytime something brings it up. Am I alone in this thought of sex with a "soulmate", and it being both our first times for a more exuberant feeling? I'm a perfectionist with things sometimes, and this is one of those things, and it's hard for me to let myself settle for any experience that only fulfills less than what I desire. It only seems right in my heart.
  2. ahimsa

    ahimsa Senior Member

    I thinkIdeally everyone wants to lose their virginity to someone they feel connected to physically and mentally. I personally just lost my patience and ended up llosing it to a woman much older than myself. It wasn't ideal, but it wasn't horrible either.

    hats off to you for holding out and there are plenty of people who didn't lose it in HS.

  3. NaykidApe

    NaykidApe Bomb the Ban

    Anything can happen. I mean there's a good chance you'll meet a woman with the same history and attitude somewhere along the way.

    One thing though, you might be making things harder on yourself if you make conditions on things like somebody else's past.

    What I mean is if you meet somebody you click with and you let her go because she's not a virgin you might be screwing yourself.
  4. The boy at school that I'm kinda doing stuff with isn't doing anything and doesn't look like he's gonna anytime soon and I'm going to another school next year possibly so he better do something if he still wants me!
  5. anok4uok

    anok4uok Member

    I totally agree with the last part of what you said, about me screwing myself. But if it doesn't happen the way I wish, it almost seems like it's going to stick with me forever, and I don't want that to. And I'm almost certain that ideal way i'm thinking wasn't an influence to what I saw in high school, I think it's always lived in me in some sort of undertone....(I don't know if I'm translating that into the perception I'm wanting out of it, but yea, hopefully so.)
  6. anok4uok

    anok4uok Member

    agh, psh!! i meant in "saw in high school" to be the equivalent of "somebody elses past".
  7. anok4uok

    anok4uok Member

    i don't know, i just hope i find my "soulmate". and hopefully everything will be better from their on, regardless.
  8. Duck

    Duck quack. Lifetime Supporter

    I think it's kinda good to wait until you find the right person (I didn't but still). It would probaly make the sex a lot better when it finally happened. I say hang in there.
  9. theleprechuan

    theleprechuan Member

    i am also waiting for the right one.
    my boyfriend that i have now is a virgin also, and we are waiting for marriage, if we dont break up first which i hope not.
  10. Peace

    Peace In complete harmony.

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  11. I totally feel what you are saying. I am 19 yrs old and I'm a virgin. I am waiting until I get married and I'm with that person that I connect with in every way. I'm beginning to think that because I am so picky, that it will never happen. I'd really rather die a virgin than lose it to someone I didn't love.
  12. peacefuljeffrey

    peacefuljeffrey Senior Member

    I'm not sure that everyone who has a special someone indeed has a "soulmate." That's like "significant other squared", and it's more special than just a girlfriend or boyfriend. It even can be more than a husband or wife! (How many times have you seen husbands and wives seem utterly incompatible, to the point of not even really seeming to like each other?)

    I think you may be overreaching. It's not really reasonable to expect that your first time will be with the perfect mate for you in all the world (soulmate implies this, I think), when many people never quite find that person for themselves.

    Can't it be enough to have sex with someone you simply feel love for? Sometimes your sexual interaction with someone fosters growing closer and more in love. It's actually pretty easy for your emotional attachment and love for someone to intensify because you've had sex with them.

    All that said, I don't believe it's necessarily true that since you didn't find your soulmate in high school, that you won't find her now! I doubt if many, if any, people who find a soulmate do so in high school, when they are not nearly as mature as they will be later, and don't know nearly as much about love. (It's true; it was a surprise to me too, but it's true.)

  13. anok4uok

    anok4uok Member

    damn, thanks for the imput peaceful jeffrey, i always like the things you say and how you put them on every post i see you in. i'm supposed to be visiting my ex. g/f from 10th grade (never went too far, 4 months, and my fault for break up, out of negative feelings i shouldn't have felt), we had mentioned possibly getting back together, and just as a "vacation" sort of thing i, along with 2...or maybe 3 of my friends were going to go up and visit her, and sometimes i get the feeling this isn't going to work, and wonder, will she find some significance in me, will we grow closer even though we do quite have a lot of difference with life now. and i was really starting to develop the feeling, it wasn't going to happen, period. but just in that what you said, put some faith back in me, i hope we do grow deeper into each other and that this is possible. whether or not anything happens, hopefully it will be a good month when i see her.
  14. anok4uok

    anok4uok Member

    whoops, i meant "even though we don't quite have a lot in common with how we live life and wish to live life." that's it. so anyway, yea, i hope something molds us together.
  15. anok4uok

    anok4uok Member

    for an example of how we're living and how opposite our lives our, compare me to the sloth, and compare her to the bee...or ant.
  16. browneydgrl

    browneydgrl Member

    i think its completely normal to want a connection with someone you sleep with. i was lucky enough for my first time (i was 19) to be with a guy that i do have a physical and mental attraction to. we're still dating and that was over a year ago. but as you're a guy, i can see where the pressure to lose your virginity could be making you more uneasy that it might if you were a girl.

    i still think that if that type of a connection is important to you, there's no limit on how long you should wait. its your life :)
  17. RatGrrl_005

    RatGrrl_005 Member

    I was 19 when I lost mine. I wasnt really waiting for the 'right' person, but my main factor of waiting was that I would look at guys i knew, and I'd ask myself, if I really wanted these people involved in my life somehow for the next 18 years (had i gotten pregnant) The answer was NO! So I waited til I found someone I could tolerate for 18 yrs. lol..

    I feel that you need to have some sort of connection. And that you should care for this person on some level. It doesnt mean that you love them enough to marry them, but it could mean that you love them for the stimulating conversations, their insight, etc -their effect they have on your life. Sex is an experience. It produces so much energy, that if its done with someone where there is a connection, then it feels as if you created enough energy to make time shift. It's cataclysmic.. That is why just plain animalistic sex is so good -all that energy bursting into time and space. You can also think of the teachings of the Kama Sutra -- Sex is not only physical but its best when there is mental discipline involved.

    I dont see anything wrong with saving yourself for marriage, but that was never for me. For me, I want to experience all aspects of the human trait. To take in what I get from different people -it makes me a better person, enables me to grow spirituality and mentality. I am not saying go sleep around, but just take in the value that one person can give you that someone else cant(whether you sleep with them or not). For a lot of people, this means their life partner. For others, like means that too, but I was only able to appreciate after I tasted life for all it is worth. Fortunately my future hubby is very much like me..
  18. arlia

    arlia Members

    im glad that you realise that sex is not jsut physical but very spiritual aswell,its the joining of souls aswell as bodies!
    maybe unlike you i only agree with this at the point of marriage,i belive that sex should only be performed when a covenant has been made to each other and to god(ie marriage)having sex out of marriage to me is like giving something to somebody that does not rightfuly beloing to them
  19. lynsey

    lynsey Banned

    just make sure it's with someone who cares for you and wishes to make your first time special and if it's her first time make sure it's special too:)
  20. Gemini Dream

    Gemini Dream Member

    18 and a virgin here. I think that waiting for marriage is best, since who you marry will more than likely be your soulmate. At least that's my plan...

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