Someone posted something slightly similar to this, but not totally. I'm 19, have never had sex. I've always been internally obsessed with it. But something tonight brought back an old feeling that I try not to let get to close to me, something I keep locked up usually, because it bothers me way too much. This feeling, I'm almost wondering if i'm isolated in it, no one else sees it how I do, or no one has every agreed with me on that feeling, not yet. So, I want to experience sex very badly, but I kinda want to find someone who is physically attractive, and mentally identifies with me (mentally attractive), a "soulmate" so to speak. I've always wished for my first time to be with someone of both of those qualitities. Because that first time of sex, would almost seem extremely spiritual, but at my age, I feel that I've passed my chance up, it usually seems to happen in high school years only, and now i have to settle for something less of which my original desires were, or so it seems. It irritates and depresses me emotionally everytime something brings it up. Am I alone in this thought of sex with a "soulmate", and it being both our first times for a more exuberant feeling? I'm a perfectionist with things sometimes, and this is one of those things, and it's hard for me to let myself settle for any experience that only fulfills less than what I desire. It only seems right in my heart.