Am I a total slut for this?

Ok, so I really really like this guy. He is in 3 out of 4 of my classes. We have hung out a few times and it was really fun, but I can't tell if he's interested in me or not. Problem is, I have a boyfriend of 5 years. He's really understanding though. I told him that having " a fling" is just something I need to do before I settle down, and he was actually pretty ok with it. I mean, he's hurt, but he understands my feelings, I guess. He's the only person I have ever had sex with. Hell, I've only kissed like 3 guys in my whole life. I'm just getting bored with our sex life right now, as most couples probably do after a long time together. The excitement and anticipation is gone. Is it horrible that I'm feeling this way about this other guy? I don't think he's relationship material, I just want to mess around with him. I know that sounds so bad, but it's just how I feel! I don't want to get married and then regret that I never got to experience other guys, you know? Ok so here are my questions:
1) Should I forget about this other guy completely and just try to be satisfied with what I have? I know that if I cheat, my boyfriend will forgive me, so I'm not worried about losing him, I just don't know if doing so would be totally wrong.
2) How do you know if someone likes you? what are the "signs"? I am so inexperienced with "flirting" because I have been with my BF since I was 17 and didn't really have any prior experience with guys...
3) Has anyone else ever been through this?

 

I was with the same guy on and off for four years. I don't think I would have been with him so long had we not had those random breaks for me to fool around with other people. I mean..that isn't why we broke up.


What I'm saying is, I often felt that my sex drive and spontaneity with other guys was sometimes stronger even than my love for my then-boyfriend. On the same token, we had a long distance relationship, so it was easy to forget how good it felt being with him.

There is no answer to this. I would say that you need to satiate your desires or you will always wonder. But you need to decide if this is the guy you want to be with later...or definitely now. If any part of you thinks maybe later, but I need to experience other guys, then I think you need to do that...or you will be lying to yourself. And you won't be happy..truly.


I think I just rambled a bit, but I'm just tryin to help.

peace

 

No, you didn't ramble at all! thanks so much, you give really good advice. I think you're right too. this is just what I need to do for myself, otherwise I'll always regret that i never did.

 

1. Is the other guy worth losing your boyfriend for? That's answer to number 1.
2. Flirt but don't fuck. Gain experience that way. Nothing wrong with learning about yourself and remaining true to your man.
3. I am a guy. I want to fuck every girl i see basically. So yes, its normal to be attracted to other people

If you are not happy with your boyfriend, don't look to other people to fix your issues. Deal with them and you might end up happier or you might move on permanently.

 

Is your pleasure more important then his pain?

 

the thing is, I'm NOT unhappy with my boyfriend. He is wonderful. I'm unhappy with my sex life because we've been together so long that it's gotten boring. It would be that way with anyone (for me) I think, so it's not a problem with him personally.

 

Well, I wouldn't cheat on my bf, but, if it was an open relationship, I would.. haha

No really, I totally understand how you feel. You love your bf, but you want a more exiting sex life. Nothing wrong with that. I'm from France so it's no shocking to me... we say "to add pepper in your relationship". You'll love sex with your bf even more than ever after experimenting elsewhere. But only do it if he understands, and doesn't mind. It will fuck up things otherwise.

 

why don't you invite him to explore wiht you, do a threesome or find a couple to swing with, you can invite him in so its not like you're doing it behind his back and maybe he'll enjoy himself and wont be so hurt if its a couples thing as opposed to a YOu thing

 

oh and what I meant by you'll love sex with your boyfriend more than ever is that, if you REALLY love him, after gaining experience, it'll be more fun, and the love you feel for him will make you realize how amazing it is to make love with the love of your life, compared to plain fucking with strangers

 

here's a good idea! yay for dangermoose


try and spice up your sex life before you go looking for other people (or other people without involving your bf)... a little bondage can go a long way, some roleplay never hurt anyone... there's plenty to explore before you go find another partner, however temporary he may be.

 

20 years from now you will regret what you did not do-not what you did.
I also think that when you go screw the other guy-your boyfriend should go out and find someone too.
Or is that going to be a problem for you?
Like is it OK for you but not him?
Don't tell me he is not interested either. What happens on your end will on his..
It might be later on but trust me if you go have sex with another guy...it's just matter of time before he will. No matter what he claims now.
So are you ready for that?

 

The act of sex is not the important thing here. What counts is the ramifications that it will have on your relationship, and potentially your partners entire life and self confidence. If you decide to go ahead and cheat on your boyfriend behind his back, you will not only be showing that you care more about having 1 or 2 good experiences then you do about the other person in your relationship, you may also cause him irreversable emotional harm, due to the fact that he may feel he is useless and can not make you happy, and in an extreme case this could ACTUALLY lead to depression and self loathing.
You should try spice up your lives together in a way that makes you both feel good rather then only thinking about yourself and your immediate sexual urges.
You seem like an intelligent, kind and sensible girl, thats why i find it so strange that you are REALLY willing to risk hurting so badly the person you say u love and even said you want to marry, all for the sake of having some other guy inside you for 10 minutes (and lets face it, if u get 10 minutes out of a guy you will be doing well, cuz most guys are pretty quick to finish at this age).
Whatever you decide i wish you could luck and hope that it brings you the happiness that you are looking for, and if u ever need a friend to talk to about anything like this but feel you cant talk to anyone else you know, i am always be available to talk to a sister in need. I know you probably wont but just in case.
peace and love

 

I say go for it, if it wasn't for sluts guys like me sometimes wouldnt get laid. And I much appreciate casual sex from nymphos

 

first of all, you're not a slut, ok?

you're just a curious female. you sound pretty normal to me!!! but the problem here is that you have a boyfriend of 5 years!!!!! no wonder you are looking for some action elsewhere!! just teasing, let me get serious here...

Perhaps this is a sign that you are not ready to have that kind of commitment. When you are in love, the thought of being with someone else other than your partner is non existant, at least that what i think. I dont messing about with this other guy will do any favours to you rcurrent relationship and even if your boy agrees to let you enjoy of other people's company i doubt this won't have an impact on the relationship, unless, you two guys are really really open minded, and are up for experimenting with others, but since you have posted this, i dont think it's the case.

I think you should talk to your boy, be honest, think about what you could gain and lose from all this. Think about his feelings too. no-one wants to be messed about that way. anyway, i wish you luck whatever you do.

 

Sigh... I think that you should talk to your boyfriend more. I think that could be why your sex life isn't as exciting as you would like.

However, on the other hand you talk about not having much experience and wanting to explore. Whether or not if you love your boyfriend I really do believe that it is completely healthy to explore other people/relationships before settling down. I think it would be really unhealthy for your relationship if you were to "cheat" on your boyfriend, regardless of how "understanding" he is. And I think it would be wrong to try to force yourself to just be happy with what you have if you clearly are not and have no clue what else could be on the horizon for you.

I hope that made some sense. Take care.

 

Dump him and have relations with others.

 

I think you both will be sorry if you continue in a relationship that is limited like that. You are perfectly normal to be curious about other people. You are caught in the trap of confusing sex with love - the two have nothing to do with each other. You need to talk to your friend and see how you both feel about an open relationship. And no of course you are not a slut - you are a normal person with normal desires.

 

You're asking hippies if you should stray.

That's like asking Republicans if you should buy a gun.

 

thats my thoughts exactly. you know it will hurt him if you do this. why dont u just try to spice up ur guys' sex life a little bit. try some new things, explore a bit. get the old excitement back; it IS possible. if you love your boyfriend, you wouldnt want to hurt him like that. But if you do this, I dont think it classifies you as a slut. I just think its rather cruel.

 

Like the ride - the comment is a classic and it is all yours (big grin)