Am I A Normal Person At All For This

As strange as this sounds, this is true. Turned 18 just recently. All my life I've been kept from girls as I have very controlling mother. Very shy all the time. Unlike people my age, I can't have posters of girls on my walls because mom doesn't like stuff on the walls. My life with the opposite gender has been bland. Even back when I was 15, I was afraid to look at a Victoria's Secret magazine out of shame that I shouldn't or at least I felt that way. Then one day, I just caved in and began lookin through the magazines and drawing portraits of the girls in lingerie. Then I began putting lingerie pics of the girls on the computer screen. The only thing is, it's my moms computer but I use it a lot and am not allowed to make other accounts. Never did I get yelled at for having them up. Often I get a rush knowing the pics are up at all times. Then I moved to this sexy 18 year old playboy girl. She doesn't show anything and the pics are nice. I get a rush leaving the pics on for some reason. Where does that come from? Is it rebellion?

 

You being 18 and enjoy looking at women is very normal. Your sheltered life due to your mother may or may not cause problems down the road. My suggestion, you're 18, move out of moms house, experience as much as you can and by all means find yourself a girlfriend.

 

I had a friend in high school who's parents were extremely conservative... The month after he left for college he had gotten into gay porn. Its pretty average for people who were tightly controlled all their life to react drastically different when given a sense or opportunity of freedom. My advice would be to embrace it. Just make sure you don't do anything that won't be worth it in the long run. For example, watch all the porn you want and find some friends with benefits but don't do drugs. I find that people who remain intensely reserved/never abide by their own rules have a harder time forming their own morals and opinions.

All in all, the thrill of almost getting caught isn't an uncommon turn-on for people. Its just a form of exhibitionism, really. I say to have fun with it. If your mom finds out, pretend it was an accident. If I were you, I would try my best not to get caught though.