Alright, if possible I could use some words of wisdom...

Ok, where to begin, well two years ago this week I began dating the most perfect person for me. She is literally everything I could have wanted and more than that. On the outside looking in people have said that we are perfect, we get along without a problem. We spend so much time with each other we are not only romantically involved we are best friends. It's basically relationship perfection. That is from the outside, truly I am happier than I ever have been and I almost can safely say she is as well. However, we have some deep hurting problems that come from me rushing into something so great too too fast and from the big time problems that came of rushing.

In the beginning of our relationship it was like most we both were incredibly happy to have found someone so similar yet so complimentary to ourselves. Yet I had a problem getting over my last relationship, it was bad. I said some things that thinking back were just... Well grounds to be dumped. I talked so often about my ex, about what she did that I liked, what hurt me, everything could be referenced back to that in my mind, and I did so innocently stab at her heart unknowingly with my words. She smiled and took it well but of course hurting like that builds up. Then of course on top of that I was so mixed up at that time in my life wanted to impress her by bragging about having girls after me and tried harder to win her friends over than pay attention to her. All the while I was thinking this is right she will like me more if I act this way...

Then I became unnecessarily possessive to this girl who had never once betrayed my trust. In anger once I even told her she should not have any friends she only needs me I can be everything she needs. At the time it seemed right and she still tried so hard to smile and take it well, of course there were fights but she always let me win in the end of them in the first year. But her happiness was beginning to break and she slowly became colder still keeping faithful to me. It grew until one particular night when I became possessive again and she finally just couldn't take it and said we were no longer together. Though to be honest nothing changed after that other than if we ever fought she won in a second. I became miserable living every day thinking tomarrow she might find someone else and never speak to me again. I became pathetic, more so than before...

Ironically enough I was not able to grow up until finally she did what I so hoped would never happen. She met a guy, not bad looking guy either. She dated him... shortly thank god. He ended up being a bigger asshole in 2 weeks than I had in 1 year. She never slept with him and never even was remotely intimate with him she kept her faithfulness and still talked to me ever night. Anyway since that point, since she broke up with him I stopped my whinning, my neediness, my selfish idiocy, and I have turned the relationship around with all my strength. I won't ever give up on it.

It sounds like a story that should be resolved because she's been back with me for about half a year now but this her still affects her I can't take it away quickly and I know I must wait at take care of her slowly but my problem is when she looks at me with her beautiful eyes and I see a sadness as she asks "why do you love me? please tell me and I can begin to put everything behind and not hurt." I panic and I don't know how to answer it's deeper than looks and deeper than personality. I feel weary when I try to dig in and find the answer. I know I love her but why can't I say why??

Please any advice will be well taken...

 

Well, on the one hand, you probably should figure out why you love her in the first place. Maybe you feel totally comfortable around her which, to me, is one of the most important things in any relationship. You must have a high level of emotional comfort, or it would be very hard to completely open up to your partner. But on the other hand... One could also argue, "do you even need a reason to love somebody?" What a concept, isn't it? lol But this is something I've begun to think about recently, and I must say it indeed is a very deep thing.

I look back and there have been two girls in my life who have had that effect on me, where I didn't necessarily know why I loved them other than that I got along quite well with them and that being with them felt natural to me. Okay, I guess those are reasons enough, but your partner might be asking for something a little more specific. But what ended up happening is, one of the girls later became my best friend and while the other, well, she's my current crush.

Love is a very strong feeling. I don't really know why I ended up falling in love with my current crush, but it wasn't simply because she was nice or good looking, both of which she certainly is. I'm not just "in love" with her, but I can safely say I DO love that girl, just like I do my best friend. But if there is something I could say about both them, I'd say they are both very warm and open-minded. They both took me in as their friend, which they had a choice not to. But they did.

My past feelings for my best friend have since gone through some transition and now I adore her more like in a brotherly sense. She is currently engaged to a very cool guy, and I'm happy for them. The feelings I have for my current crush, obviously, is still quite romantic, but then she has a boyfriend too, and I actually think the guy is awesome! I'd like to think that's an example of love, where you get to put the other's happiness before your own.

But I DO realize I'm mucking up this whole post of mine! LOL What can YOU do to improve YOUR situation? Well, I can't tell you much other than to keep talking to her, keep on loving her, and to keep on learning from your past mistakes, and exercise honesty and patience. That's what we all do to improve our lives. Easier said than done, but I believe we still must try.

All the best!