Hello folks, hippies and anarchists, and what not... I'm a man still looking for answers.... I enjoy my psychedelics. But Have had a huge problem since my frist mushroom trip, I will not bore you with the story! It was an intense mind expanding experience... But was very depressing due to the depression ive felt for...maybe my whole life maybe just about 10 years of my 21 years.... Whenever I smoke (ghanja(sp?)) these days I get paranoid about what people are saying...extreme social anxiety. I think they are talking about me and are making fun of me in a really odd way, Its like they are playing a social game I can't get into. Like theyre saying the lyrics of a cosmic joke that I can't grasp...Anyways, its not a good feeling... Lately ive been doing some harb labour work, because I believe its important in some hippe-anarcho-pseudo moralistic way. Mainly because I dont want to climb in the social ladder as that would be me saying that my life and needs are above others lives and needs.... This is basically what i've thought my whole life (and this is the first time I can get it off my chest), im basically rambling...... Anyways... I recently have wanted to go to the Event known as burning man (www.burningman.com) as it seems to be an exciting, extreme and beautiful experience of art, community and love, all things I enjoy, =P =P. But then when I asked for time off of work, I realized why people say "life sucks and then you die." They denied me time off... ever since that day (1 day before this post) I cant stop thinking about quitting my job and quitting society.... I yearn to be a hermit and yearn to live outside of this social stained life...but I know that my duties lay in society and that hermitizing myself doesnt fix the situation that I would run from fighting to stop: The fact that complete dehumanization for greed is occuring, deranking of animals for greed is occuring, destruction of our mother earth is occuring, etc, etc. As you can see, Im too many thoughts and not enough actions.... I am trying to find some direction in this world I know to be both beautiful and ugly... anyways....peace and all that cal -Your Local Anarcho-hippie, Paul
I'll give ya some Sooo.. stop smoking! Yup, it does seem really cool, maybe I'll go there someday myself as well.. too bad it's in a desert instead of a forest though.. Good thing that you felt like this for 'ever'.. ehm.. 1 day? Maybe it's a thought to think this over a little and not be a total dramaqueen about it? Directions.. answers.. well.. let me tell you this, you're not gonna find those things in the Random Thoughts forum.. teehee.. try 'philosophy and religion' Welcome on board Paul! We'll make sure you have an interesting ride!
Don't take psychedelics if you feel depressed ! But glad you feel you've had an expansive trip. Why worry what they think? Are their opionions so important to you? Do you want to please them even at the expense of being false to yourself? Anyone who isn't part of the 'usual crowd' has probably experienced something like this at one time or another. But with some people, cannabis can lead to intense paranoia. Be careful not to fuck yourself here. If you quit your job, how will you eat? Let alone smoke weed? If you want to find a different niche for yourself, it will probably take time - it very likely won't come overnight. Think about things, try to see what the possibilities are - the real possibilities, that is. A vague fantasy about living like a hermit outside of society may be very difficult to realize! Just a few thoughts
just take your time and not to act without thinking further. if you are afraid of what people say about you smoking, you should definately hold on to what you think you should do. thats all coming back to yourself, and its all about you. so do whatever you wanna do and you know you are both beautiful and ugly (in may different ways). well hope you find the luck! peace..
Thanks for the replies, =P One of the things that created this post was a horrible depression that seemed to come only after work everynight (I work night shift 10pm-4am). I always feel displaced; That I should be doing something more productive with my time (I work for UPS). Like its hopeless and that killing myself would be a great option...anyways, we've all felt some sort of depression.... I just like to ramble my thoughts out when I feel shitty, anyways, thanks for your replies once again, =P peace and all those various things, Your local barefoot philosopher, Paul
quit or call in sick every day. Make friends with a doctor and have them write you a note for that time period, saying you need extensive bed rest. Heck, if you really don't care about the corporate ladder and hierarchy in jobs, why don't you quit right before that trip, then get a new job somewheres else? Yes, you'd have to start saving like NOW to make sure you have enough resources to tide you over til you get a new job, but so what? Internet connections aren't required for you to stay alive.
