After She Cheats In A Monogamous Relationship

My wife cheated on me two years ago, in the two months leading up to that she was sleeping on the couch telling me she loved an ex and she made a mistake being with me. After a month of trying to talk to her i started looking for a place to go, thirty days later i had a place and was moving my belongings. All the way up to the five minutes before i left the last time i tried to talk, tried to get her to go to marriage counseling, tried to get her to open up. She refused. Let me interject here to say that i am not perfect, and i make my fair share of mistakes. But i would never cheat. Its been done to me too often and i will not put anyone trough that. That being said, i moved out and within a week she was fucking her ex. Quite honestly, i did not see her coming back. I wanted nothing to do with her and i Dident. I had already done the worst thing i could possibly do, i gave her exactly what she wanted.

After i moved out it did a pretty good job at pinching my account. I still had my child support from my first marriage, plus all of us have moved and we all know the cost of getting everything started, so i was not able to file for divorce as soon as i moved out. I was putting the money aside and had most of it after two months on my own when i got a phone call. It was my Wife. I almost hung up, i still dont know why i picked up, but i did. She wanted to talk. She ask if she could come over and just have a cup of coffee, i agreed out of curiosity sake wanting to know if she was going to help file the divorce papers or what, but i agreed and she came over that next evening.

She sat down in my kitchen, at my bar, and she started crying. She told me she was sorry for what she had done and she realized she had messed up. She said she would pay half the divorce and she would not come back. At this point i was getting off my stool and i was going to escort her to the curb with a good riddance and that is when she ask me to please forgive her. Not take her back, but to forgive her.

I am an atheist and i don't buy any of that religious stuff, but in that moment i came to understand what it is, i would learn more in the months that followed, but that moment changed me.

That was two years ago. And this year we will celebrate our sixth wedding anniversary. It has not been a bed of roses, believe me. At times it was so hard i wondered what i was doing. But here, now, i can look back and say it was worth fixing. The only way it can work after that is if both people are dedicated, open and honest. I do not throw it in her face that she cheated, although there were times i wanted to. That is the forgiveness, i cant forget, but we can move past and make it better.

My wife and i have now a better relationship, better communications and a stronger bond than ever. And that i would not change for the world.

 

so all it took was for her to cock guzzle another man and get that out of her system huh? well she should definitely be satisfied, she got her cake, and then she got seconds. i bet she hit up the other guy for a relationship, but his mind was clear as he just busted his load on her face so he was able to analyze the situation and say, nah, if you want a relationship, go back to your husband.

 

good for you with the better communication though, you obviously got the better end of the deal :dizzy2:

 

I hope you both stay happy.

 

You are a better man than I. I could not get over my ex cheating. It litterly destroyed me. Being Agnostic myself, I believe in the whole do on to others thing. I have broken up with women over a lie, let alone cheating. I consider myself an honorable and honest man. I deserve and expect the same. I also live on a 1 chance rule. No exceptions. Learned that the hard way. Serously, Good luck to you both. I wish you the best, honestly
PS - The day I moved out of my house, I stopped at the courthouse and filed papers after 18 years of marriage. Done is done for me.

 

i don't see where she cheated. as far as i can tell, she didn't fuck her ex until you were broken up. just because the divorce papers hadn't been filed yet doesn't mean that you were together.

there was also a leap in the story where she asked for forgiveness and suddenly you were back together. i probably would have forgiven her and moved on; i can't see forgiving and taking back someone who was so awful for the last several months.

 

As a divorced man I have to so disagree with you on this. Doesn't mean I am write or you're wrong, I just disagree. With what the OP says, she was clearly cheating on him before he moved out. If someone (yes me) believes in marriage fully, it has not ended until the paperwork is signed. Doesn't have to make it through court, but signed. That signature is the deal breaker, IMHO. Cheating on a relationship does not happen at a whim. It had been thought about for a while, just maybe not acted upon. You make conscious choices. We are humans. And most of us adults. Choices are what happen. Her sleeping on the couch and the whole bit just screams guilt.
Again, my opinion and it most certainly doesn't mean I am correct, but unless you've been on that other side, you truly don't know.
Congrats if you are able to live with it and make it through it all. I did not and could not

 

Then why at 6 years does this thread exist?

You are not over it, and now its starting to dawn on you that she worked out as long as you dont find out it doesnt exist.

I doubt she stopped cheating

 

This would ring alarms for me. I don't think I could carry on in the relationship. Forgive? Sure but, there's just too high a risk of it happening again, in my mind.
I mean, what was her reason for thinking that she was in love with this other guy? How long was she talking to him before she broke the news to you? Plus the fact that she slept with him ONE WEEK after you moved out. It just seems she was more or less excited because, it was someone else who was giving her attention and not you etc. People tend to get bored and in my mind, when they get bored, I consider that them not knowing why they're in the relationship. I feel this is what causes people to fall for 3rd parties that give them attention. Flirt etc

If I were ever to get back with my partner who decided out of the blue that they love someone else, I'd need a considerable amount of time apart from them in order for them to grow and mature from the situation. If I accept them back right off the bat, then I'm betting they wouldn't fully realize why they made the mistake and what they're doing now about it.

If she really has evaluated why she did it and why she's back with you and has FULLY learned from it then, good for her. I really hope she has learned from it for the sake of your relationship.

I have to agree with I'minmyunderwear.
Since both had decided to divorce and were already in the process of the paper work, moved out etc then, I wouldn't see it as cheating in my eyes.
Since she was the one who brought on the divorce, it's only natural for her to sleep with someone else since she was the one claiming she was in love with the guy. It still hurt tho of course. So, I do feel your pain.

My boss has finalized her divorce after 20+ years. She has a boyfriend too.
I don't consider it cheating if you know your not going back to the person.

One thing that I did like that she did tho...
She slept on the couch after telling you her heart wasn't yours and for whatever reason, she decided to not be sexual with the other guy until after you moved out.(I'm assuming she was only talking with this guy and hadn't sent nude photos, shared sexual conversation or met with him before you moved out)


But, I'm happy you guys seemed to have gotten back together and seemed to have worked things out.
I still stand by my opinion but, I do truly hope this will last forever for you guys

 

That's amazing.

I have a question.
How was the trust for her in year two and how it is now? I'm assuming the trust was on its last leg when all this occurred, but how did it change from that?

 

ok here would be my test:


your in a room with your wife, and the dude she cheated on you with. who is more embarrassed, you or the other dude?

 

I'd throw it in her face tbh. Bitches love bringing up the past.