Afraid of Love

Discussion in 'Relationships' started by LurdGanaro, Oct 17, 2010.

  1. LurdGanaro

    LurdGanaro Member

    In general, I'm so afraid of love. I guess I'm worried that: 1. the person that I fall in love with may turn out not to be the person I think they are, 2. the person I fall in love with might not love me back, 3. the person I fall in love with might lose interest/feelings for me, 4. the person I fall in love with will hurt me emotionally.

    Right now, I'm entering into a relationship. They say they love me, but I'm so afraid to say that I love them back. I feel as if I hardly know them, and that they hardly know me. Most people don't show 100% of themselves to everyone they date, but I feel as if I've done a terrible job representing myself. They think that I'm confident and social, when really, I'm vulnerable, insecure, and awkward. I'm a mess, and I'm so afraid that this person, who claims that they love me, will find out that I'm awful. This person is just so perfect, and I've never felt this way about anyone before. I had my first time with this person, and I am so terrified of the emotions that I'd have if they suddenly weren't a part of my life anymore.

    Anyone else share my fears?

    I really just want to scream for help at the sight of love, and that's what I'm doing here. Help!
  2. boguskyle

    boguskyle kyleboguesque

    what does love mean to you?

    fear #1: if this was a scenario, its not typically considered love.
    fear #2: everyone deals with this, but once you are with someone for a good amount of togetherness, you will know more of what they are thinking, and once there is reassurance, it adds to the initial qualification of love.
    fear #3: everyone deals with this too, this is normal. like fear 2, once you are with someone a good deal, then some reassurance or some doubt will come.
    fear #4: normal as heck. nothing to do about this except be a good bf.

    i think you overthink and overhype the concept of love like most people do. the word is a bit powerful for what i'm guessing is happening in your life.
    i thought u met that one guy like only a couple weeks ago?
    or are you talking about your gf?
  3. LurdGanaro

    LurdGanaro Member

    My gf and I are heading for a break. Not necessarily a break up, but definitely a break. We're almost arguing for the first time, and I think we'd both do well with a little space. As to that guy, Nevin, I'm afraid to be vulnerable around him. I'm afraid that I'll become too attached, and then it'll end, and I'm also afraid that it won't end. Either way, I'm pretty much screwed. If I think about the relationship, I just get so much anxiety at this point that it's actually painful, and it's only because I already feel so strongly for him. It's only been about a month and nine days, but - as stupid as this is - it feels like a lot longer. He still says he loves me, and I just dodge because inside, I'm freaking out. The other day, he called me his boyfriend, and I was startled. He made a comment about getting married, just a joke, but I swear my heart just stopped right there. It's not that I have a fear of commitment (It would be great to be in a committed relationship with him) I'm just so afraid of being hurt that it's creating all sorts of feelings of insecurity, and terror, and I don't think that I can love someone while feeling like this. I'm just confused, and really really scared.
  4. white dove

    white dove Member

    Love is every were u cant hide from it, i fall in love every day its great. I lust for love, just enjoy it while its there, ; p luv yas peace
  5. Those times when you get you heart ripped out and stomped on are some of those times when you feel the most alive

    Or - It is better to have loved and lost, than to have never loved at all, as the saying goes
  6. Yazzz

    Yazzz Member

    ...loved and lost rather than to have not loved at all... really??? that's all ya got for him?

    In my opinion - important thing when selecting a partner or looking for partners is that you are emotionally stable and comfortable with who you are AND the other person is as well.

    Once you become "mostly" comfortable with yourself and are ready to go looking for someone then it becomes a bit of a talent being able to tell if someone is comfortable with themselves.

    Ideally you do not want someone who ends up being bullshit or not at all how they try to portray themselves, lies about things, etc... all signs of insecurity and instability.

    ...Now, that all being said... 95% of people, and 99% of young people, are not at all comfortable with themselves and seek out relationships anyways, as OP obviously is doing.

    People think that being confident or comfortable with yourself is some magic trick that some people just have figured out. It isn't, at some point you have to just suck it up and start showing people who you are and not be afraid of what the backlash is and over time you will become that confident person who is comfortable with themselves that you always wanted to be.

    The longer you wait to do it the harder it becomes.

    Summary for OP: Stop being a pussy and own up to who you really are, then you will be more likely to find someone who is genuinely interested in YOU.
  7. LurdGanaro

    LurdGanaro Member

    White Dove...I'll live under a rock if I have to...if someone's waiting under that rock, I'll go find another one.

    Vanilla, I like the quote. It's true.

    lolz Yazzz
  8. LurdGanaro

    LurdGanaro Member

    Ehh..loved and lost though...what about loved and decimated? ... :(
  9. Chapter13

    Chapter13 Member

    stop being such a foookin' wimp... the bigger the risk.. the greater the reward :mickey:

    i had an experience with love a few years ago, didn't go to plan and it nearly destroyed me... and i'd still do it all again, because being in love really is that fucking cool :love:
  10. LurdGanaro

    LurdGanaro Member

    I bet it's overrated.
  11. TipsyGypsy

    TipsyGypsy Light of a Fading Star

    It's not bad at all is it?! :D
  12. Dancing til Dawn

    Dancing til Dawn Senior Member

    A friend sent this to me yesterday it kinda fits in with this thread...

    Being vulnerable doesn't have to be threatening. Just have the courage to be sincere, open and honest. This opens the door to deeper communication all around. It creates self-empowerment and the kind of connections with others we all want in life. Speaking from the heart frees us from the secrets that burden us. These secrets are what make us sick or fearful. Speaking truth helps you get clarity on your real heart directives." ~ Sara Paddison

    Feel the fear and do it anyway I say...
  13. The Imaginary Being

    The Imaginary Being PAIN IN ASS Lifetime Supporter

    I was afraid of love too. My ex was like a marital ninja :frown:
  14. Chapter13

    Chapter13 Member

    coolest ever innit :afro:

    it's inspired 80% of the artists in human history... you can't say it ain't worth trying to find out :mickey:
  15. p0ly

    p0ly Senior Member

    you annoy me. some people wish they could even get in a relationship be happy ffs! (I do have a GF BTW)
  16. Dancing til Dawn

    Dancing til Dawn Senior Member

    You don't annoy me i totally understand once bitten and all that, but like ive said before one-day someone may come along worthy of that love, you don't know till you give it out there weather they are the one for this form of affection-
    hopefully they will feel and see your vulnerability and do everything in there power to help you break thru this fear.

    Alot of us have been knocked off centre by people who have abused our love, to run away from it is natural love fucking hurts, its a bed of roses with thorns.

    I myself have felt the damage of dysfunctional relationships and the beauty of the good un's and moment of sheer happiness thru another-
    If I honest I am on my guard until proven otherwise, and no one has proved that so I am not 'in love' with another mate altho I love many on a level even the ones who have done me harm in some way..

    I wish for you to overcome your fear especially if you have a soul that is currently captivating your attention- good luck
  17. LurdGanaro

    LurdGanaro Member

    Yeah, thanks everyone. And I mean everyone. Every opinion matters.
    Dancing til Dawn, I'm keeping that quote. :)
    Still figuring my life out...well, actually probably making life more complicated. I'm getting nowhere fast. Just gonna become a hermit. Barricading myself in my room with my computer. Cutting ties. Slipping away. :/
  18. LurdGanaro

    LurdGanaro Member

    Broke up with the guy. Hurts a lot.
  19. boguskyle

    boguskyle kyleboguesque

    you know what's good for yourself, so i won't say it's a bad decision, but there could've been more beneficial outcomes if you were to stay with him rather than staying in your comfort zone. if you woulda stayed with him, and if he woulda done something that betrayed you or just ruined things, it may or may not have been as bad as breaking up with him now. i think continuing the relationship would've made your spirit more fruitful.

    but anyway, just always keep your chin up dude. :2thumbsup:
  20. LurdGanaro

    LurdGanaro Member

    So, I'm in the process of throwing all my insecurities aside, of moving on and facing my fears. I invited that guy to a party last night. He came running. It was cool. Afterwards, we had a long talk. I thought that maybe we could be friends, or maybe that it would just serve to sooth the feelings between us so that we could both move on separately. Somehow, we've ended up in a relationship again. But this time, we're trying for serious relationship. No more mental games. No more guarding ourselves against the pain of loss. We're going for it. At least, I know I am, and I'm taking his word for it. I'm making a leap of faith, a leap of love sort of thing that I never could have imagined doing. For anyone who cares, I'll keep you posted on how it turns out.

    Thanks to everyone on here who helped me get to this place. :) I really appreciate it.

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