advice vs judgement

Discussion in 'Random Thoughts' started by mariecstasy, Nov 22, 2004.

  1. mariecstasy

    mariecstasy Enchanted

    Messages:
    19,555
    Likes Received:
    7
    do you feel that if you hear someones sufferings and you offer advice you are judging them?
     
  2. Super_Grrl

    Super_Grrl Crazy love

    Messages:
    2,545
    Likes Received:
    4
    It depends. If they ask you for advice, or ask you what you would feel if you were in their situation, then that's not judging because they asked you. But if they're just looking for someone to listen, someone to help them talk something out loud and you come out with "here's what you need to do" then yah, that's pretty condescending. Can I ask why you want to know?
     
  3. dawn_sky

    dawn_sky Senior Member

    Messages:
    1,260
    Likes Received:
    0
    I'd have to agree that part of it depends on whether they are asking for your advice. But another part of it is how you respond -- if you put yourself in their shoes & do your best to be sympathetic, I don't see that as being judgmental. However, if you take an attitude "why'd you do that? well, duh, you should do this" with a snide tone, then, yeah, that is judgmental...
     
  4. OSF

    OSF Señor ******

    Messages:
    1,694
    Likes Received:
    0
    what shallow answers.
     
  5. MamaTheLama

    MamaTheLama Too much coffee

    Messages:
    1,261
    Likes Received:
    1
    It depends.
    If you're telling a homeless person where a soup kitchen is when they didn't ask, then you're probably telling an exausted person that doesn't want to put up with it something they already know and not what they're looking for.

    If there is one thing I hate in life it's when people give the most obvious advice in the world like you're not smart enough to figure it out on your own and haven't already tried it already. AGH.

    Or worse, when they give advice not knowing one thing about the situation. Like the time I mentioned that my kid likes watching CyberChase and some fanatic started screaming about how my child needs to go outside and excersize and lose weight having never having even seen my non-fat child. She assumed 2 things..a) that liking one tv show meant that he watched 24 hours a day and b) that he therefor must be fat.
    People assume the stupidest shit.
    You can't know what a person really needs until you've walked in there shoes.

    Ok. I'm done ranting now.
     
  6. interval_illusion

    interval_illusion Deceased

    Messages:
    22,225
    Likes Received:
    7
    okay, since i have a feeling you're referring to me... i just wanna say.

    i was not asking for advice... i did not need advice from you or anyone else and you decided to write this rant about how i need to find happiness and all this stuff.

    yes, it was judging.
     
  7. lynsey

    lynsey Banned

    Messages:
    19,072
    Likes Received:
    9
    if someone asks for advice or tells you their buisness they open themselves up for others comments. When I have posted personal stuff on here or have been attntion seeking I open myself up for it and have been reemed in the past. I think that when someone makes it clear that they no longer want advice that people should stop giving it as continueing to offer it is just demeaning and in most casses the continuence stems from others avoiding their own problems and making themselves feel better by critisizing or 'fixing' someone else.
     
  8. OSF

    OSF Señor ******

    Messages:
    1,694
    Likes Received:
    0
    How do you know that the person seeking advice should receive the advice you offer?

    In other words, by what function of life do you determine what particular advice should be offered at any given time?
     
  9. olhippie54

    olhippie54 Touch Of Grey Lifetime Supporter

    Messages:
    14,498
    Likes Received:
    12
    Depends on your motives.
     
  10. olhippie54

    olhippie54 Touch Of Grey Lifetime Supporter

    Messages:
    14,498
    Likes Received:
    12
    I never give advice unless asked and even then I may not. If I have been in a simular situation I will tell what I did to resolve it.
     
  11. interval_illusion

    interval_illusion Deceased

    Messages:
    22,225
    Likes Received:
    7

    and marc you are very good at that. :) love ya :)
     
  12. olhippie54

    olhippie54 Touch Of Grey Lifetime Supporter

    Messages:
    14,498
    Likes Received:
    12
    Thank you, Trish. That was a very nice thing to say.
     
  13. NaykidApe

    NaykidApe Bomb the Ban

    Messages:
    8,418
    Likes Received:
    4
    My advise is to stay away from people who judge you.
     
  14. OSF

    OSF Señor ******

    Messages:
    1,694
    Likes Received:
    0
    Don't judge the judge.
     
  15. NaykidApe

    NaykidApe Bomb the Ban

    Messages:
    8,418
    Likes Received:
    4
    Don't judge him, just stay away from him.
     
  16. OSF

    OSF Señor ******

    Messages:
    1,694
    Likes Received:
    0
    That is a judgement.
     
  17. NaykidApe

    NaykidApe Bomb the Ban

    Messages:
    8,418
    Likes Received:
    4
    Nay, you can step around a pile of dog shit without judging the dog.
     
  18. interval_illusion

    interval_illusion Deceased

    Messages:
    22,225
    Likes Received:
    7
    haha this thread is hilarious....

    and marc, you're welcome. that's why i actually asked you for advice that one time and i very much apprieciatted it.
     
  19. OSF

    OSF Señor ******

    Messages:
    1,694
    Likes Received:
    0
    The object of that advice and judgement is dog shit. Not the dog.

    The object of your previous advice and judgement is the judge.

    The two situations are not interchangeable.

    You say avoid the judge because you have judged that judges are bad, just like you advise against stepping in dog shit because you have judged that dog shit is bad.
     
  20. interval_illusion

    interval_illusion Deceased

    Messages:
    22,225
    Likes Received:
    7
    but what if you think dog shit is good? personally, it's one of my favorite meals.
     
  1. This site uses cookies to help personalise content, tailor your experience and to keep you logged in if you register.
    By continuing to use this site, you are consenting to our use of cookies.
    Dismiss Notice