Advice - Should I live with baby's dad?

Discussion in 'All in the Family' started by tuesdaystar, Sep 19, 2013.

  1. tuesdaystar

    tuesdaystar Interneter

    So me and baby's dad broke up when I was 6 months pregnant after almost 11 years together. We've spent a good chunk of the time since we've broken up, living together, sharing a bed.

    I don't like it. I don't want to get back together as a couple, he does. I want us to both live independently for a while because we never have.

    So he's renting a room in a house with a bunch of other roommates, I have paid rent at an apartment with just one other roommate.

    I WANT to live there. But I don't have a job. I have to depend on whatever money I can earn on the side for small projects which is not reliable.

    So should I take the "I'm gonna make it happen attitude and move into the apartment I've already paid rent on or should I take the easy road and stay here with him and let him pay the rent?

    Ask me anything for clarification, I don't want to ramble on here.
     
  2. rollingalong

    rollingalong Banned

    why did you break up and how many times before this have you broken up through the 11 years
     
  3. YouFreeMe

    YouFreeMe Visitor

    Do you two fight a lot? I wouldn't want to be stuck in a situation with a child where I possibly couldn't pay rent. It seems safer to live with him until you get into a more stable situation. It might be good for baby to have both parents around--built in babysitting, bonding with the both of you. Unless you and your ex have a very toxic and tumultuous relationship.
     
  4. tuesdaystar

    tuesdaystar Interneter

    This is the first time we've broken up for more than a week.

    A suppose there are lots of good reasons, we can be really shitty to each other sometimes. But really I just can barely stand him. I don't have sweet and loving feelings for him anymore. It annoys me to hear him talk. I hate that he's obsessed with video games. I hate that he's always whining about not getting enough food and sleep and complaining about everything he has to do. He's a gross slob, rarely cleans anything up after himself and has no real limit to the level of disgusting he's willing to live with/in.
     
  5. tuesdaystar

    tuesdaystar Interneter

    We don't really "fight" that much, it's just sort of unpleasant. We bicker a lot. I wouldn't call it tumultuous, but I'm sure baby picks up on it.
     
  6. deleted

    deleted Visitor

    hugs.
     
  7. tuesdaystar

    tuesdaystar Interneter

    (((HUGS))) Orison <3
     
  8. Ranger

    Ranger Hip Forums Supporter HipForums Supporter

    What sort of work do/could you do?
     
  9. Meliai

    Meliai Banned

    that's a tough situation. I would revolve your decision around what is best for the baby - is the current living situation so toxic that its bad for the baby? If he moves in with several roommates will it be a good environment when the baby stays with him? could you be putting your baby in an unstable environment by moving on your own with no stable income?

    Personally, if I were in your situation I would probably continue living with him to make sure the baby has the most stable environment possible, while looking for a steady job/income so you can move on your own and create a better environment
     
  10. Heat

    Heat Smile, it's contagious! :) Lifetime Supporter

    Based on this post, as I think it is an honest one from your perspective, you should not live together. I mean that with love and compassion. If you are at the point where all those things are bothering you about him, it is not healthy to cohabitate.

    Look for a way to move and encourage time spent with the little one instead of you.

    Not easy for sure but it can be done. You will find a way. Hopefully he will be able to assist you financially with the child.

    Stay great parents but not necessarily a couple. Sometimes that is the best option.
     
  11. tuesdaystar

    tuesdaystar Interneter

    He only makes $8.50/hr so he can't really give me any money. I have enough to pay the next 2 months rent.

    If I move, I will be more motivated to make money (it's just not a guarantee). If I stay, I feel like I'm falling into a trap of stagnation and unhappiness, but there will be another $350/mo I can use for baby.
     
  12. Heat

    Heat Smile, it's contagious! :) Lifetime Supporter

    Children, even babies sense unease and that is something to also consider.

    You may have to be very careful money wise and as you said line up an income but that is something you will have to do either way.

    If you are no longer compatible with the person it will take a toll. Only you know what you can tolerate and for how long.

    What ever you do decide, I wish you the best as this is not an easy situation.
     
  13. Duck

    Duck quack. Lifetime Supporter

    I agree with everything Heat has said so far.

    Plus, you never know, some space could be good for him too.

    The more things are like they were, the more things are going to be like they were, if you catch me.
     
  14. rollingalong

    rollingalong Banned

    oh man Tuesday....that description does not sound good.....without a doubt you cannot live with this dude.....he cant even take care of himself.....

    the motherfucker should be working 5 goddamed jobs if that's what it takes to make baby a proper home.......

    the kid will end up hating the dude too and also will be pissed at you for staying with the dude and ruining her/his life

    question....what would buddy say about you...like the bad stuff....what is in his head atm?.is he oblivious to how you feel?

    in bed....does this dude ring your bells?
     
  15. tuesdaystar

    tuesdaystar Interneter

    Fuuuckkkk

    I just need to bitch.

    At people that don't really know us.

    We ran out of money. Can't pay for two places anymore.

    I never even fucking moved into my place. I just paid for it for a couple few months.

    Now me and him are both moving into my place and I'm packing and just bugging the fuck out.

    His shit is everywhere, disorganized. Buncha gatdamn video game cables and bullshit.

    I just so bad don't want him in my bedroom.

    I want him here. I don't want to give up the shared parenting. I CAN'T give it up. If I can't pay $350/mo for him to have his own room at a different place, i sure as hell can't pay for daycare (our circumstances have changed since the OP. He lost his job after like a week and a half. I'm working full-time and he's watching the babe while I'm at work)

    I just want him to live somewhere else... close by. I don't want his shit in my personal space!!!
     

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