Hi everyone, I would like to receive some advice about a matter that's been bugging me lately. Please lend me your wisdom and help me with this problem, i would really appreciate it. I am a straight 25 years old female who's always been attracted to men and had 2 long term relationships until now. My last one ended a while ago,after 2 years of being together with the man i thought of as "the love of my life"( it turned out he couldn't keep up with me and we had different goals in life: i was trying to achieve a good carrier and a wonderful life while he was just sitting at home,playing games all day long and letting me support us both). I've gotten over it but one day,something strange popped into my mind. I've been friends with my best friend ( we are both girls) since middle school. We've been always very close, doing girl stuff,talking about boys and pointing out really cute guys,shopping together,having sleepovers, playing mmorpgs together,almost everything you could think of,we would do together; and even when we didn't talk for several weeks because of our university/jobs the friendship between us kept being very strong. A normal friendship. We lived together in the same city only during middle school and high school, then i moved away to go to university,followed by moving abroad for my job. Even so, whenever i visit home, we try to meet and have some good quality time together, and we always talk. When i was in my last year at high school, i had for a while this weird sensation like i was attracted to her. I even asked her once what she thinks about a relationship between girls ( it was just a talk about random stuff,i wasn't pointing at myself) and her response was wavering,neutral, but not negative. If i remember correctly, i told her that i am a bit curious how a kiss would feel like with another girl and she giggled and said something like "is that so?". After that, i thought to myself the butterflies and attraction were just something temporary and i was just a bit confused. I suppressed them and I tried to move on. 5 years have passed since then and a while ago i found myself thinking about her in that strange way again. She often says "i love you" in a friendly and cute way , we always agree that we are lucky to have each other and that it's amazing how similar we are ( we are both gorgeous,determined and independent women, always fighting for our believes, we love the same stuff, we get along incredibly good.. it's like we're a mirror of each other); and we would also joke about how we would be soulmates if either of us was a boy. She always tells me how much she misses me and how much she wants for us to live close again ( i still work abroad). Now i'm stuck with this feeling,i fantasize about kissing her or having an intimate relationship with her, i am even wondering how my life would be together with her. Even i find it crazy because i never felt this way towards a woman until now. I am almost 100% sure she is straight because she's been with her boyfriend for 2 years and I believe she loves him. Even so, i think more and more about her and i started to interpret her actions,like they are some kind of subtle signs : Our tight hugs, our kisses on our cheeks..even her neutral answer to my question from 5 years ago (when by the way, we were in the same bed,hugging each other while trying to fall asleep) made me think she does feel a little bit attracted to me... MY PROBLEM IS: -I am not sure if this is only something temporary or i am really being serious about her. I must admit that even when i dated guys, the thought of having a girlfriend didn't really bother or disgust me. But still, i don't know how to confirm these feelings,how to make sure they are really true. -If this is true and i really started to fall for her, i would never dare to ruin her relationship with her boyfriend... While i work abroad, it would be no problem to suppress my feelings again,but she is making plans to move here as well. We started making plans about how wonderful it would be when she comes here, and we would also make plans to visit our favorite foreign country together ( and she said : " I can't wait for it, just have to figure out what to do with my boyfriend"- meaning she doesn't want him to come with us in our trip). -When i finally thought everything through and realized there might be the slight chance she may like me, last week she dropped a bomb on me: "you're like my sister to me"... i mean,what can i say after that??It tore my heart apart to hear that and I can't tell her anything in this situation. How do you think i should act from now on? How should i find out if she really has something going on or it's just my imagination,without asking her bluntly and creating a weird situation.. And if it really is my imagination and she loves me only as a sister, how should i restrain myself once she moves here? I know her boyfriend and he is a great guy, i wouldn't want to ruin their relationship, but i can't be sure i'll be able to hold myself back forever if she's here. Thank you for your patience.
I would just leave it as friends. You don't want to ruin the friendship. Besides, you're not bi, otherwise you would fantasize about far more than kissing and holding her. You would you feel about eating her pussy? Do you masturbate to her? I think you just really want a soul mate. There are others out there, you just have to be patient.
Just because your friend has a boyfriend does not mean that she does not want to keep it 'open' and have a fwb. Who is bi and why? Who can really say... Some may consider a same sex kiss a bi activity. Were you turned on by the kisses and hugs? Did you want it to go a bit further? Did your private area warm up and get a bit wet? If yes to any of these then you have had a bi emotional response. This is not wrong (depending on who you are that is). I am 42, love my wife, love the sex we have... But I have had a bi side for as long as I can remember. I could never 'love' another man in such a way, for me, it is about sex and the pleasure from it. If you are unsure, then wait for her to make the moves to confirm it. You could do a lite touch here or there; lenger on a kiss once or twice. Of, you can come straight out and ask her although like 'TheSamantha' says, that could make things tough. But, for all you know, her and her boyfriend are swingers.... Be yourself! If you enjoyed it and wonder what it would be like and she make a few moves in that direction go with it and see. If she doesn't then let it go! If you continue to be curious then find a fwb who will let you experiement with out pressure or something long term. There are sites for that... Just be safe and clean! Remember, a true friend will always be a friend even if they disagree with you.
I think the question here is what are you willing to risk to find out the truth and let it all out? You have to decide for yourself what you really want. Do you want to remain friends as you are and never know but risk nothing. Do you want to risk it all to try something new but possibly lose your very close friend? Are you looking for a romantic relationship to add to your obviously very close friendship, or are you really just wondering what it would be like to have an intimate/sexual experience with somebody you are very close to? There is a very good chance she's at least curious about being with another woman (as most women tend to at least be curious) but there's a pretty good chance if she's in a good relationship with her man that she would not do anything to upset your awesome friendship. I unfortunately think it would be very hard for you to add this intimacy you crave to this existing friendship without sacrificing something, so you have to decide if it is worth the risk to you.... or next time you are together, alone, on vacation, you should both get a little tipsy and you make the first move and see what happens...it's dishonest but at least you'll know a little more about if this is the experience you really want.
