Advice needed

Discussion in 'Coming Out and Confused!' started by Daisy90, Aug 19, 2025 at 3:03 PM.

  1. Daisy90

    Daisy90 Newbie

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    Good evening from the UK.

    Married female of three years but I'm starting to crave experiencing being with a female.

    I am unsure of how to approach this situation.

    What advice would you give to someone who is curious..
     
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  2. fem_fatale

    fem_fatale Members

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    In my opinion, your first conversation should be with your partner.
     
  3. wooleeheron

    wooleeheron Brain Damaged Lifetime Supporter

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    Curiosity killed the cat and, if you're uncertain, its best to re-examine the Big Picture.

    I'm learning to fly, but I ain't got wings. Coming down, is the hardest thing.
     
  4. KathyL

    KathyL Super Moderator Super Moderator

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    Right answer!
     
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  5. Constantine666

    Constantine666 Members

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    1. Have a long discussion with your Husband.
    2. If you can both agree, then work out rule as well as place, time and method to experiment.
    3. Make it clear whether or not you want him to be involved.
    4. If you allow his involvement DO NOT throw a tantrum when he touches her and accuse him of cheating.
    5. Personally, I find involving a 3rd party into a committed relationship a bad idea from the start.
     
  6. Mark769

    Mark769 Members

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    I agree and would add, do not avoid the discussion because it is uncomfortable. Only you know how willing you are to dip your toe into same sex play. Best Mark
     
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  7. thefallenone1986

    thefallenone1986 Members

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    Talk to your partner first
     
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  8. Wraggo62

    Wraggo62 Members

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    Hi from the uk!
    Is it just a physical/sexual thing, or is it deeper than that..? Is there someone who has triggered these feelings, or is it just a general curiosity.. either way, you’re probably going to have to have the talk. Maybe figure out what you want, and need, first, or you might end up going somewhere you don’t really want to go - like 3 ways, or swinging.. you might have an itch that won’t be scratched that way..
     
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  9. Bazz888

    Bazz888 Lifetime Supporter Lifetime Supporter

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    In an ideal world, I would consider that the correct answer. However, I've known several women over the decades (yes, I'm nearly an oldie! Lol) and those experiences give me a different perspective.

    They wanted to try new things. 3some, 4some, FF, anal, public nudism, sex in public on holiday, and other things.

    Without writing a book about it all, I'll just mention that the two who had the chat with the husband got a shock.

    For #1; Soon afterwards he left her saying she was trash. I said my piece which supported her and dropped him off my friends list. He was unable to get his head around her being curious about things, yet it was that thing about her that he used to say he loved.

    For #2, he agreed to her plan, which was to open up their sex life to other things and specific other people. She satisfied her curiosity about anal and that it did nothing for her. But he loved it. He wanted to do it every time they had sex. Their sex life suffered and they both drifted apart, saw others without that discussion beforehand and now, they too, are divorced.

    The women who satisfied their curiosity 'in secret' a couple of times and discovered whether they liked it or not, only mentioned it if it was something they wanted to continue.

    It seems better to know if it's something you want to continue before risking upset to your relationship.

    If; unlike the first two, you know you enjoy it, you'll be happy if he also enjoys doing it. And if you don't like it, dont raise it as a "here's what you could've won" type of thing.

    hth
     
  10. soulpoker

    soulpoker Senior Member

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    Hate to be the bearer of bad news but it looks like you have three not so good choices.
    1. Talk about this with your husband and risk your marriage falling apart
      1. just for suggesting something extramarital
      2. opening it up in a way that is not mutually agreeable
    2. Experiment behind your husband's back and deal with possible guilt of cheating on him
    3. Keep the thought completely to yourself, don't act on it, and become frustrated and possibly bitter
    Pick the one that is likely to cause the least trouble for you.
     

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