Advice for Stupid People

time cannot be kept in a bottle

 

The orange end of a cigarette goes in mouth.

 

Do not give yourself a haircut

 

1. Dont eat yourself
2. Dont eat your children, wife, or pets.
3. Dont eat your relatives
4. Dont eat any body in your town
5. Dont eat any body from your county
6. Dont eat any body in your state
7. Dont eat any body in your country

Outside the country we'll talk

 

Red means hot...blue means cold

 

It's not your fault

 

Never unclog the lawnmower with your foot

 

Don't taste the sun.

 

dont count the chickens before they hatch

 

Never make a cup of tea in a wine glass.

 

apple juice does not come in "specimen" jars

 

You can't blame your yellow teeth on Hepatitis B.

 

some girls only play with other girls

 

Cutting your hair does not hurt.

 

Do not carry a backpack full of food when trekking through Grizzly country

 

Chewing nails is not a good way to work off anger.

 

never loan money to friends

 

Never light a match after Mexican food.

 

Dont burp out loud in church

 

Sticking your finger in a light socket is not the best way to curl you hair.