Adult relationships are kind of scary. Kind of a rant.

Must be. I suppose when people have a rough childhood, they tend to do anything to avoid being like their parents. My father left when I was little, he was a compulsive liar and all-around moron, and my mom a selfish un-emotional shrew. I grew up making sure I was reliable to everyone I cared about, tried to be polite, and never said I'd do something I had no intention of doing. That doesn't mean I can't kick ass if someone deserves it though lol

I'm sorry about your relationship with your mom though. Ever try to talk to her about it? I've tried with mine and it's pretty much like talking to a wall but you never know what could happen.

 

she doesn't have a logical mind, when i talked to her, she was like, I"M YOUR MOTHER I GAVE BIRTH TO YOU YOU SHOULD BE THANKFUL and then would tell me some ridiculous story about cheating on my father u____u i dunno, she had a rough childhood too from what i know, but instead became like her parents instead of anything else.

but its okay. i mean, how can i miss something i never had? so, whatever.

my dad raised me well though. he wasn't trying to be a mother and a father. he was just a guy who had a daughter and had to take care of her the best he could. friendly before fatherly. but in all the best ways. i get alot of who i am from him.

 

It's good to know you had a good relationship with him. At least you're on good terms with one parent.

 

Yeah, I'm sorry you didn't have the same. But to make it up to you ill be your internet sister

 

That would help because my relationship with my real sister sucks lol

 

Exactly what Vanilla Gorilla was typing about earlier in this thread that no one seemed to pay any mind to!

 

Well I ignored it because he was making a blanket statement. Babyjay and I were saying that a lot of times, people who had difficult childhoods went on to become exactly what their parents aren't, but sometimes the opposite happens.

Also, Vanilla Gorilla talks a lot of bullshit. So I pretty much let anything he says in one ear...er eye, I guess? And out the other, so to speak.

 

Wait for it, wait for that day somewhere down the track, when you are tired and angry, and you lash out at the kids or hubby, and you catch yourself, say a similar kind of phrase or a simliar kind of action.....then it hits you, OMG! I've turned into her

But seriously, Babyjay is right, relatively speaking nothing in your life sounds that bad


This stood out:

You Dad sounds like the equivalent to Babyjays mom, not your mom. Imagine someone saying to you "I'm sorry about your relationship with your father. Every try to talk to him about it?"

Irritating isnt it? [sarcasm] Talk to him, Nah, thats a good Idea, I've never thought of that[/sarcasm] The all-round moron, sounds like my dad. Everyone telling you you've got to mend that fence, acting like theres something wrong with you if you dont. When you know he's just too dumb to function anyway, and still acting like a child. When you were a child he was acting like a child and you were playing the parent. Talking isnt magically going to make him smarter, or make him grow up

Maybe him not being around and you learning to take the parenting role on early, with everyone around you, is a very good thing

 

maybe you're as difficult as the rest of them

no offense.

just sounds like a lot of hate.

 

It's not unheard of that mannerisms or certain behaviors will rub off on people you spend 18ish years of your life with. That doesn't mean you're being exactly like them. I already know what I'm like with children and people I care about and it's not the same.

No offense=offense.
And no. Just no.

 

Whatever the situation is, you put yourself in it.. with your parents.. with your boyfriend.. where ever you find yourself.. you are the reason you are there.

The uncultured person blames others.

The semi cultured person blames themselves.

The cultured person blames neither.

The reason the cultured person blames neither is because there is nobody to blame.

It is impossible if you look at any situation correctly.

You hit me with a stick.

Do I get mad and blame you for the pain?

The stick is what actually struck me.

Or do I get mad at the seed that gave rise to the tree coming about and eventually having that stick fall off that you picked up and hit me with?

Do I get mad at your parents for giving birth to you?

Do I get mad at their parents.. parents parents parents?

In this way one can see how ignorant it is to be placing blame at all.

You'll never be able to find the 1st cause that led to whatever you may find yourself frustrated with.

Positive action brings positive result.

Negative action brings negative result.

You are the person who chooses which to cultivate.


I like what Vanilla Gorilla posts, I don't think he was trying to shit on the thread you made.. it is very logical what he said even though it isn't the most pleasant thing to read.

It is simple cause and effect. When very self centered people have kids and "raise" them.. it is highly likely that those kids are going to be fucked and then produce kids of their own and if the cycle of negative habitual patterns is not realized and ultimately broken it will keep on going and progressively get worse.
Very easy to spot this in this day and age especially in the US.

 

Two things:

If you're a normal human being, then yes. But I'm getting the sense that you're not. The stick wouldn't hit you if not directed by someone with ill will towards you.

Cause and effect is saying if you shoot yourself, it will hurt. You can't use that in a situation where there is no guarantee which way it will go.

 

i blame the stick.

 

If you had a stick in your hand and hit me with the stick, the stick is what would be hitting me. What does it matter if the person is hitting me with ill will or with the most loving motivation?
All I am saying is in the realm of placing blame in such a situation.. where should one place the blame. On the stick that is the thing that actually struck me? On the person who held the stick? On the branch that the stick fell from? On the water and sun light that helped the tree grow? On the neuroses of the individual with ill will? On the fact that I encountered that individual human in the first place?

Cause and effect.. throw a pebble in a pond and the water ripples infinitely outward.. just like an action like swinging a stick.

No guarantee which way it will go?

It is hypothetical cause and effect which is cause and effect is cause and effect is cause and effect.. hypothetical.

Two whacked out humans having kids and "raising" them is likely not going to yield the same results as two unconditional loving humans having kids and raising them.
It is hypothetical cause and effect used as an example to illustrate vaguely how things like what we can see today come about.


The fact is that one never knows which way anything is going to go when it comes to cause and effect.

You get pregnant.. can you say for sure 100% that the child will be born alive?

No.

We see cause and effect by looking at past experiences and what is unfolding now.

If you have a seed to plant and have the best conditions possible for that seed to germinate and grow into a full sized plant does that mean it will if you attempt to get that result? Not at all.

Chances are you might, you might not.

Therein comes equanimity.

Will we be alive tomorrow?

Maybe, maybe not.

 

Lol. Okay, crazy.

 

That was a crazy rant fo sho.

Anyway worry is no good. Doesn't help anything. Enjoy what you have. If it doesn't last, you will hurt, grow, adapt and move on eventually to try again. Basically you are gonna be alright either way in the end. Life has its bad moments but there is no point in waiting in fear of them, they will happen and so will good things. Blessed be.

 

I was starting to think I was the only one who thought so. lol

I agree. No one wants to hurt, but it goes away in time.

 

hmm, in regards to the stick metaphor...

an inanimate object that cannot move itself, strikes you. it hurts. you turn around and your friend/sibling has struck you with a stick. they laugh, they didn't really want to hurt you, it was just a joke, but it still physically hurt. its still their fault, no matter their intention. but who cares about blame? why point the finger? brush it off and laugh too.

 

for whatever it may matter to you, I'm proud of you. you've grown a lot, and I'm glad to see you're in a better place, with someone who treats you well.

I always thought you deserved to be happy.

 

Thanks...What brought you back to the forum?