According to google groups I'm a pedophile...

yeah, really. i know he's a creepy pedoish guy who occasionally comes around and spouts grammatically atrocious hate speech, but i didn't realize there was an actual narrative about him.

 

Even I know THE story.

 

I'm thinking of a certain story but I'm not sure it's the same one..

 

i bet this "story" is a hipforums urban legend on the same level as "everyone here has seen my boobs."

 

Once upon a time, there was a little boy named Soaring Eagle. He went for a walk in the forest. Pretty soon, he came upon a house. He knocked and, when no one answered, he walked right in.

At the table in the kitchen, there were three bowls of porridge. Soaring Eagle was hungry. He tasted the porridge from the first bowl.
"This porridge is too hot!" he exclaimed.
So, he tasted the porridge from the second bowl.
"This porridge is too cold," he said
So, he tasted the last bowl of porridge.
"Ahhh, this porridge is just right," he said happily and he ate it all up.
After he'd eaten the three bears' breakfasts he decided he was feeling a little tired. So, he walked into the living room where she saw three chairs. Soaring Eagle sat in the first chair to rest his feet.
"This chair is too big!" he exclaimed.
So he sat in the second chair.
"This chair is too big, too!" he whined.
So he tried the last and smallest chair.
"Ahhh, this chair is just right," he sighed. But just as he settled down into the chair to rest, it broke into pieces!
Soaring Eagle was very tired by this time, so he went upstairs to the bedroom. He lay down in the first bed, but it was too hard. Then he lay in the second bed, but it was too soft. Then he lay down in the third bed and it was just right. Soaring Eagle fell asleep.

As he was sleeping, the three bears came home.
"Someone's been eating my porridge," growled the Papa bear.
"Someone's been eating my porridge," said the Mama bear.
"Someone's been eating my porridge and they ate it all up!" cried the Baby bear.
"Someone's been sitting in my chair," growled the Papa bear.
"Someone's been sitting in my chair," said the Mama bear.
"Someone's been sitting in my chair and they've broken it all to pieces," cried the Baby bear.

They decided to look around some more and when they got upstairs to the bedroom, Papa bear growled, "Someone's been sleeping in my bed,"
"Someone's been sleeping in my bed, too" said the Mama bear
"Someone's been sleeping in my bed and she's still there!" exclaimed Baby bear.

Just then, Soaring Eagle woke up and saw the three bears. He screamed, "Help!" And he jumped up and ran out of the room. Soaring Eagle ran down the stairs, opened the door, and ran away into the forest. And he never returned to the home of the three bears.

 

I'm pretty sure he uses a wheelchair.

 

Haha ! Gotta love Undies ! XD