abortion?

basically me and my gf are 19 years old, and we both got pregnant (my girl friend physically and me because i knocked her up). We discussed our options and first wanted to have the child and give it up for adoption because of the idea of killing a life but then decided it was a foolish idea due to the fact that we had not known my girlfriend was pregnant and continued to go about our daily lifestyle of smoking ciggeretes, marijuana and drinking on weekends. we decided its unfair to give a life a unfair chance at development from day one and also giving it up for adoption and not being there to support it throughout its life and provide it support, so we decided to have an abortion ( it was a very very hard decision, us both going through alot of mixed feelings and alot of complex discussions)....but i have a few questions maybe that someone whos gone through this could answer for me a 19 year old

1. will it hurt her alot? and if so is it better to be put under pain killers or put to sleep during the procedure?
2. It says on that internet, that fetus's 2 months into pregnancy, dont have a developed brain and neuron cells (is this true? does this mean the fetus, wont feel pain?)
3. will my girl still feel the same? (will an abortion make her feel different to me, such as tightness?)
3. did you find it hard to actually go through with it? (the idea of giving up a creation, that is apart of you?)

 

I am glad that you are thinking of the potential human's well being, and not just your own feelings.

There are a few different methods of abortion; though it's probably too late for medicinal abortion. The most common form of abortion is basically having it sucked out by a large syringe or electric vacuum pump.

Also, vaginal tightness and stretching don't have much to do with each other, as vaginal tightness is controlled by the vaginal muscles, not the outer skin.

That being said, these are all questions that would be great for a doctor to answer.

 

Thank you so much! :2thumbsup:

 

ask the important stuff first, huh?

on a serious note, i'm sorry to hear of the circumstance but i'm happy you both thought realistically and carefully before making any rash decisions.

 

This discussion has been cleaned up. I would gently caution those with superiority complexes to consider the weight of the words they choose to wield in this arena and bear in mind that it is our desire to foster an environment welcoming for people to air out such matters without fear of being judged and condemned for something that has no bearing on those who would pass judgment.

Peace (no, really)

 

I didn't say anything wrong? I was being supportive, actually.

 

My post wasn't directed at you.


eace:

 

Okidoke, coolio :2thumbsup:

 

I know a few people who's parents were young..unmarried...smokers and drinkers too


and those people turned out just fine

please think your choices over again

.

 

dammit, i got here too late.



i know abortions aren't exactly pleasant for the woman, but i'm sure it depends on the method you use. other than that, i really don't know much about it.

 

So your suggesting if we change our life style 2 months into a pregnancy that a baby would have a healthy chance at development, and will not have problems later down the line? Also I dont find it fair to bring a child into the world and not be able to be there to support it, as it grows and matures throughout life.

 

Difficult decision and unfortunately they are decisions that need to be made based upon a time line for safety and legal reasons.

I would suggest that you immediately seek medical advice on the "health" of the fetus as it may of not been ideal what you were doing but that does not necessarily mean that it is as bad as you think it might be.

If nothing else they will be able to present to you some of the options that you may have as well as some testing that could be done if you have concerns. If you do choose to abort they can also assist you with information about the procedure and the emotional and physical after.

It is a personal decision and it is really positive that you are talking about it together and looking for solutions together.

I wish you the best in this very difficult situation.

 

I was in a similar situation to you at about the same age. We got the abortion. Then we broke up. Since then my life has never been right again. I'm not sure if the abortion was the reason but if I had it to do over again I would definitely have the child and deal with it. Life isn't always easy. Sometimes when you try to make it easier it just gets harder. Sometimes we have to do the right thing instead of the easier thing. Then down the line things will actually be easier because of that.

 

if you want to be there to support him or her you will find a way

as for healthy and problems..that is always a gamble..its up to the universe...but you can definitely help the chances by doing things right

 

I've been there in your very shoes 17 years ago. whatever you decide..it must be between you and her. We weren't ready then and even after all these years... we still feel it was the right thing at the time to do. We are still together, but it isn't something we ever talk about... is it forgotten? No... was it selfish of us to do?... At the time I could have never provided for at the level I would have wanted to or the child deserved. We've later decided to not have kids. I have no regrets

now to answer your questions:

1) She'll be tight, those things are amazing for going back to shape. No worries at all!

2) during? not really anything to worry about, afterwards? discomfort that evening... most likely best to just sleep a day. But she'll be ok to function, sleep is easier for her to pass the discomfortable time.

3) awake with pain killers was better in our case, if she doesn't think she can't handle it... asleep may be a option.

4) yes and no... we understood it was the worst timing to have it happen. We made the right choice 100% Do i wonder sometimes 17 years later what would've it been like to have it... yeah I wonder about it sometimes, it just confirms how right the choice was. However, she or he would be going on 18... that might be cool, Istill would have made it here to this point in time... I can honestly say looking back, that road would have been fulfilling. but I have no regrets and i'm totally at peace with myself and where i'm at.

I ask you, will you regret it? and can you be at peace with her and you for choosing to do it?

 

And if they don't, abortion is a great alternative.

 

thats something i didn't think about.

 

Definitely worth considering.

Good luck to both of you.

 

Good luck either way man. I know that's not an easy decision to make. Just weigh the options and be sure of what it is that you really want either way. I'd recommend Heat's advice.

Also, I noticed that you wrote that it wouldn't be fair to the potential child if you guys (its biological parents) weren't there for it in life. I've known a few people who are the parents of adopted children and there is absolutely no difference between their parent-child relationship. The kids are usually cared for in no different way than a parent cares for their biological child. So don't let that be a determining factor.

And don't ever let people make you feel bad or feel guilty if you decide that an abortion is best. It's your choice, your life, and what you decide is right.

 

Good luck to all three