a question

Discussion in 'Love and Sex' started by Ellied, Jan 30, 2005.

  1. Ellied

    Ellied Senior Member

    Would you change yourself for the one you love?
    let me go into more detail
    if you knew someone and you really loved them but they were your total opposite would you change yourself?
    or if yo u where in a relationship with someone and they wanted you to change would you?
    would you change for love?
  2. Duck

    Duck quack. Lifetime Supporter

    Only if they change a little too
  3. OpheliaBlue

    OpheliaBlue Member


    I would rather be in love with someone who doesn't want me to change, and vice versa. I hate it when people make it sound like love is so mystical and sooooo rare, that you have to "hold on to it" for it's own sake or something, even if the so called "lover" wants you to change. That's bull-shit. Love isn't that hard to find. What's hard to find is someone you love who accepts you 100% the way you are and vice versa. Ok I'm being a broken record now.

    I've been in so many relationships that started out where the guy wanted me to change. And I would change, but it was only temporary. Samew thing if I wanted the guy to change. The only way to make a permanent change is to do it for yourself. If you change for someone else and then they leave or piss you off, then what? If the relationship has too many conditions, you're just setting yourself up for miserable failure. Part of love is acceptance anyway, is it not?

    If both change, then both are now different people. Kinda defeats the point of being in the relationship in the first place: "I like you, you like me, let's get together....Ok, now let's both of us change." Besides, you need ALOT of energy to make a relationship work. You wanna waste it all changing eachother? You won't even be able to enjoy eachother then.

    It's one thing to inspire someone to change, but they gotta do it for themselves.
  4. browneydgrl

    browneydgrl Member

    love = acceptance of the person as they are

    after all...you love the one you met, not the one you want them to become, and if you do, then you dont really love em.

    a little experimentation in the area of change is cool if both people are comfortable and unpressured, but walkin around with a chip like that (damn i have to fit a certain mold or he/she wont love me) on your shoulders would most definitely suck, dontcha think?
  5. ZePpeLinA

    ZePpeLinA Jump around!

    I agree with browneydgrl....truly loving someone is accepting who they are.
  6. Hikaru Zero

    Hikaru Zero Sylvan Paladin

    It depends.

    The first thing is, I do not want a relationship with anyone who will not accept me as I am. Even if she's the total opposite of me, if she is willing to accept me as I am and still have a relationship with me, then that is the ground line, I think.

    Once that's been established, and I know that she will accept me for who I am (and vice versa, of course), then I probably would change a little bit. Definately not drastically (I'd never change my morals or opinions and such, but I would probably try very hard to get into the things she likes, even if I don't like them at all, for example), and I would only change if she'd be willing to change as well.

    So, yeah, I'd change, but only after it is known that we accept eachother even if we don't change.
  7. mystical_shroom

    mystical_shroom acerbic

    If I was in a relationship with someone, and they told me to change, I wouldnt...
    If they didnt like who I was to begin with, they shouldnt have started a relationship with me...
    But if its something simple like leaving clothes on the floor and such, then yes. But personality wise, no....
  8. lynsey

    lynsey Banned

    you shouldn't need to change for the one you love because shouldn't they love you for who you are just as you love them for who they are?
  9. Ellied

    Ellied Senior Member

    ok so would you change to make someone love u?
  10. mystical_shroom

    mystical_shroom acerbic

    if someone didnt love me for who i am,then oh well, someone else will, hopefully :D
  11. sugarmaggie

    sugarmaggie ~Green Eyed Devil~

    Changing for each other will just cause resentment in the long run. You'd have alot of "what if I'd done this differently" questions later on. I personally wouldn't change for anyone, nor would I want another person to change for me. This go-around, I'm gonna find someone that I can totally accept, and vice versa. A long, miserable relationship of wanting nothing but change can kill your spirit.
  12. daisymae

    daisymae Senior Member

    I don't think it's possible to change what's inside of you.....I mean, if he doesn't like a shirt you have, get rid of the shirt. But you won't be happy if he wants you to be someone else entirely.

    I don't think it would fool him.
  13. BlackGuardXIII

    BlackGuardXIII fera festiva

    I agree, with one slight exception. My fiance and I did not ever request the other to change, and that made both of us try harder to be more like what we could tell the other one would dream of. Problem was that we were so alike, it was hard to find anything at all that we would change about the other.
  14. headymoechick

    headymoechick I have no idea

    I have found that the only condition in which I have changed for my partner, is the situation where there is something about my attitude that needs to go and he was the one that showed me that. I could have not changed, but I may have lost him and I would have fucked up the next relationship if I didn't.
    We should always try to be the best people we can be, even if that means tweaking your personality a bit. I would never change anything that is truly me, but some parts of me really needed to go and I'm glad he showed me that and stuck with me.

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