i just need to get this off my mind. so, i have been thinknig about getting back with my ex since about, like, december... and seriously thinking about it since like january or february. i almost broke up with my current boyfreind in april. (my boyfriend doesnt want me talking to my ex anymore, but i still do somtimes). this story is so long and confusing. so, il start from the beggining. my ex lives 20 miles away from me. we met online when i was in 7th grade (about 4 years ago), and met at the movies soon after. well, things got seriosu and we had sex. my parents found out and grounded us from each other, making my heart break and its been broken since then. it was devestating and made me miserable. he was my only freind. so, i cheated on him while we were dating beacuse i was too horny back then and was stupid. i saw him like 1nce a month, if that, i would somtimse see him 2ce a month or got 2 or 3 months without seeing him, having to ditch class and get im major trouble for him.so we took a few breaks (not break-ups,just breaks), ). becauase i cheated on him about 3 or 4 times he started being mean to me and not wanting to see me and not being serious to me and being a jerk (i was young, no excuse, i regret cheating) he also became a huge stoner, not just for fun but addicted. and then he went to juvi (during out major break he went for 2 months. when he got out, i saw him like 2 more times. tings were o.k., looking a little better.then i started having feelings for this guy. he told me he wanted me to be his girlfriend. so i broke up with him, on his birthday (i cant believe i did that... what was i thinking?) he went to juvi again a couple days after, for somthing he didnt do! ( he was inthere for a whole year!) i started talking to him when he was in there, but all he said was i love you, how he wanted to get back with me, how as soon as he got out he would see me, how he would change.. but at that time i was into my current boyfreind. so i talked to him less. i was the only person he had to talk to, but i didnt know what to do. he wrote to me, and i barely wrote to him somtimes. (i feel horrible for that). well, i talked to him a little when he got out. he got out on his birthday. he called me nonstop, at least 20 times a day. i wouldnt answer because i was gone at my boyfriends. well, he stooped calling (obviously for good reason), and then i started missing him painfully. my current boyfriend started hating me for my past (druggie, sex, mean... carelessness) and he's straight edge and doesnt understand. he was mean to me. well, he tried to break up with me about 2 times, adn i told him not to although in the back of my mind i wanted him to. so he didnt. my boyfreind made me promies not to talk to my ex anymore. but i called my ex somtimes, i told him i love him (cause i do). then in april i went on vacation to my real moms house, adn she let me use her cell phone so i would call him at night nad we'd talk for like 2 hours for about 3 nights. he missed me and i missed him. so when i got back i tried to break up with my boyfriend. he was hysterical, and i broek his heart completely. so i didnt do it because i couldnt. i wasnt even sure if my ex wanted to get back with me yet, or if he loved me, and i wasnt sure if i knew him anymore cause he might've changed alot. so, i've been thinking about breaking up with him since then, and everyday it gets harder to and everyday i can tell my current boyfreind loves me more. he truely cares about me. i dont even know how i feel right now. i've talked to my ex a little since april, like maybwe 3 times, but that's nothing. when he got out of juvi he had no friends but me. now, he has friends and a job. he partied at night and im bored with my straight-edge boyfriend who doesnt like me to be rude or do any drugs. i wish i could party too, but i cant. my bopyfreidn wants to be around me all the time, and gets sad when i dont want to be around him. im gettting tired of typing. my ex also started liking another girl. should i get with him before she does? but what if breaking up with my boyfreind is a mistake? im not good at seeing whats the best thing to do. my boyfreind is strict, adn would be mad if he knew i was typing or telling anyone else abotu our relationship. i dont have sexual feelings towards him either, and he wants to do sex stuff alot. i donjt know what to do. i've also been doing drugs/ smoking/drinking behind his back since like march of 2004. he would break up with me if he knew (im almost positive). im not sur if im in loves with my ex, or my ex when i was dating him. what if he;s changed and i dont like the new him. but i think i do liek him now. i still love and care about him, but i love and care about my current boyfriend. ill type more later what do you trhink i should do? (sorry about spelling mistakes)
I think you need to take a break from boys for awhile and spend your spare time learning to spell and how to write sentences. I have a headache after reading that.
i can spell and type, i just typed it fast because i wrote what was on my mind and needed to get it off
I was joking with you but, it did kind of give me a headache. In all seriousness RainbowCat, It seems from your post that you feel like you have to choose one boy or the other. You don't have to have a boyfriend. I know guys and girls who just have to have a boyfriend or girlfriend and will jump from one relationship to another. Relax and enjoy some RainbowCat time.
urg, sorry, my brain is way to tired to be able to read that. Focus on what you really want, not what other people are telling you to want. (best advice I can give without being able to read that) and, if you could be so kind as to go back and hit "enter" after some of the periods, you might get more responses
take some time for yourself so you can start to see things clearly. And you don't have to hide your drinking and such for the straight edge guy, you are who you are and if he can't accept ( i can't spell that word) that he doesn't love u. Take care
i know. another problem is mycurrent b/f is pretty depressed. he says hell leave forever.. or kill himself. i know its overdramatic, but he's a pretty dramatic person. i think he'd do it... im emailing my ex lately.
you know, even if i did dump them bot i woldnt have a life. i have hardly any friends. at alll. thats another reaon my ex would be good... i like to be around people and so does he, and he has friends. my current b/f hates people nad has hardly any friends. sometimes. though, freidns make it so you cant do "fun" stuff, yo know what i mean
