A Message From The King of Kings (not Elvis though, the other king)

My children -

You all know how I love you all personally in a very special way.

YET...

My spiritual greatness has been such that some of you are scared. I understand and love you even the more.

SO...

In thy hopes of helping you have a more balanced life - let's review the good ol' laws here...

1. You shall not worship any other god.

Ok, I'd like this one to stay like that if it's ok. We gotta have some basic rules here.

2. You shall not make a graven image.

I don't really recall this one but 9 outa 10 isn't so bad. Anyway, if you meet this guy graven, just don't make an image of him to be on the safe side.

3. You shall not take the name of God in vain.

Yeah, well, anyway, this one's been broken a few times here... But it really comes back to one and two. Which shows you how much it's important.

4. You shall not break the Sabbath.

This one you can "bend" a little. I mean, what if you're paid in overtime? What if you're a doctor and this girl with big tits needs a breast massage? So, you can always use your "get out of prison, pass go" card if this happens...

5. You shall not dishonor your parents.

That one can be a bitch at times... I don't know why I didn't keep it at 4 commandments... I've seen some smaller grocery lists...

6. You shall not murder.

Ok, there wasn't enough room on the tablet to put the exlusions in. Lawers, irs employees and stupid visit that won't leave is ok to murder.

7. You shall not commit adultery.

Hmmm...er...I dunno here...it was different with Mary...er...well...she's the one who made me do it...

8. You shall not steal.

That includes borrowing forever.

9. You shall not commit perjury.

Another toughy here... Jesus! Why the hell did I write so many of these? Anyhow, just be careful if you wind up being jury.

10. You shall not covet.

Unless you're a hen of course. Then it's better to covet your egg otherwise the bugger will crack up and have a cold.

I hope that with this the path of light is clear.

 

right enough is enough i'm adding G to my ignore list then i don't accidently read any more of this S***

S

 

Much better now thanks!!

 

LOL
Thank you God for clarifying things for us puny mortals.
Can you ask Micheal a question for me?
Is he single? And are the wings heavy?
Here's one for you God.
Do you really wear halo's and are they really the rage in heaven?
Also is that Holy Spirit guy all he's cracked up to be?

 

God ~ what was the point of this post? Yours are such a waste of space... you totally suck and I've no idea why you haven't been banned yet. So full of drivel you are... or thou art or what not....

 

Why would anyone even think of banning thy Father?

Thy point of this post is to help you in having a better understanding of my will.

Remember - "...thy will, will be done"?

 

C theres a lovely button called ignore, I love it!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

 

Cer -

Tis alright if at this time you desire not to accept the gift of light. I stick with freewill.

BUT...

If you can just read this one post - if you remove me from your ignore list, I'll give ya a great discount on your harp when you croak.