A little Background

I started this forum as I felt it might just be needed. I will post a response that I made in Old Hippies that asked if we were afraid to die. That thread got me thinking that there was a need for a place to just post.



"Afraid to die, no. Afraid of how I will, yes.

I was diagnosed at 20 with cervical cancer. I was told that I would not have children and they recommended that I have a total hysterectomy and treatments. I chose to instead do multiple cone procedures and spent a year after that in an ashram as my body healed but my mind was not in the best place.

Ten years later I was still clear and had my two children and then decided to have a hysterectomy as precautionary as advised at the time.

Three years ago I went to my doctor as I was constantly feeling drained. I had tried to be more aware of diet, rest, meditation but was in a slump. I actually put it down to menopause and possibly I needed iron. I was diagnosed with lung cancer that was stage 4, inoperable and terminal. I was told that at best I would have a year, probably 6 months.

This was a very emotional time as I have two children and it was devastating to not only deal with the news but to also have to tell them that I was not well.

I started to make lists, I am a list maker. I had over six pages of things that needed to be addressed to make it alright for them. Some were minor, some major, some also needed to be done as they involved others like my niece and nephew who I was legal guardian for in the event of my sister not being OK.

All did get done, including my funeral, living will, power of attorney........the laundry list is endless.

I have gone through three extensive rounds of chemo, full radiation, cardio effusion due to the radiation and now am on tarceva daily as chemo.

I do very well for a dead person. I knew when they said less than a year that they were wrong. I continue to believe they are still wrong as it is not my time to go yet. It will be, but not yet.

I only fear the unknown of how. I do not wish to languish, be in pain that is not controllable or hemorrhage from my lungs as to suffocate that way I have seen someone do and it is not how I wish to go. I have no control over any of this other than to hope that I die no harder than I have to.

My wishes are all taken care of. Now the rest is not in my hands and that is where I leave it every day and each day I am thankful that I have another one to spend with those I love. "



Regards
Heather


Link to the original thread http://www.hipforums.com/newforums/showthread.php?t=397424&f=509

 

I think it's a good forum to have. I lost both Grandads to lung cancer.

What you wrote is very inspirational

 

Thank you TipsyGypsy.

I am hoping that anyone who wishes to use the forum, will. There are a lot of great people on these forums and I think they can help others.

I am sorry that you lost both your Granddads to cancer. That must of been very difficult for you and your family.

Regards
Heather

 

Wow, that is a crazy story

I lost both my grandparents on the one side to cancer as well, my nan was diagnosed with TB when she was young but it was cancer that got her in the end. It's horrible knowing some people suffer for so long when others are extremely lucky.

It's incredible what you learn in a matter of minutes, I am massively impressed by you as a person. Bit of a tough cookie, it seems

It's a really good idea for a forum. It should help a lot of people!

 

I am sorry that you have lost loved ones to Cancer. Time heals but the people are missed forever.

Anyone who knows me would probably tell you I am just too stubborn and ornery to just give up. I am not done, yet. I personally think the good lord has no clue what to do with me and that the devil is not quite ready to take me on.

I started this as there is no one whose life has not been touched by cancer. It is the white elephant in everyones lives. The hardest part is that cancer is not very discriminating in who it takes or how it does that.

Maybe somewhere to just vent or talk or ask is a good thing and the support is needed not only for the living but the dying part.

Thank you for your support. These forums are full of people who are supportive and they will help anyone who needs it. I know that for a fact.

 

Fascinating story. I had a tumor on my ovary that weighed over 4 kg, and now I'm flying solo for ovaries. Fortunately, it was integrous and the bad cells went nowhere. I'm looking forward to having children some day. Always nice to have hope.

 

Wow that is a massive tumor to have to have removed. I am stunned at the size of that. I am so glad that the cells were contained.

One ovary makes it a little harder to conceive but not impossible by any means and you could look into a reproductive endocrinologist who could really assist in charting for you.

I think if you want to be a mom at some point and have a little ankle biter, you will. You seem to have the spunk to do so!

I am very relieved that you are alright!
I, thank you for sharing with us.

 

That's the hope. I ovulate every 29 days, so I'm not too worried about it, and my oncologist seems to think I'll do fine, so it's lovely. Thank you for your kind words.

 

We lost our father-in-law to lung cancer. I hope you don't have to go through what he did. We're going to see if we can help that for you too.

 

Heat. You have been a welcome,steady and loving presence since you have been here on the forum. Certainly one of the most kind and encouraging people ever to post. Your story is sad and heartening at the same time.Those that are close to you are lucky people to know and be close to you for sure. You have made ME feel better time and again with a kind word. You hang in darlin'--we can't afford to lose a gem like you. I love you dear and look forward to your posts for years to come---Joel

 

I thank you so much for the support and the good vibes, as they come through with all you have posted.

I go to see my oncologist on the 9th of August for my follow up and I am going in with the information on the Fucoidan. I have done a lot of reading since you posted about it and it reacts on cells the same as the Tarceva that I am on. So I am going to see if I can use it to boost with. The only issue that could be evident is clotting for me. They take my blood like vampires so I fail to see why they could not do a little more and check for that.

Thank you for the information and the positive energy!
Heather

 

Joel, I think the sun rises and sets on you my friend and I treasure the friendship you have extended so openly to me on these forums since I joined and more since I returned when I felt strong enough.

I came back as I knew I would have the support and love here to finish healing and also the support to do some good with what has happened. I asked skip and he opened this forum for anyone who needs it.

I have been blessed in life as I have always been surrounded by love and that heals. Far better than all the crap that they pushed into my veins.

I am going to be around for a long time, I have your support to do that!

Think the world of you and love you to bits!
Heather

 

You are one very special lady! I love your posts and think that you have such a lovely spirit and kind heart.

I thank you for your friendship!
Heather

 

Your a very brave woman, i dont know what else to say to be honest, but i was very moved by this thread and just wanted you to know i am thinking of you, take care

 

Thank you and I am not brave. I get really afraid sometimes and when I do, I picture those who matter and dig my feet in and fight a little more.

I know that everyone on these forums has been touched by this damn disease and that all who post here will support those who need it. That is the true joy of life that makes me want to fight and still be here. People are wonderful!
Heather

 

Heat, thank you so much for sharing your story. I am going on Monday for a biopsy for possible cervical cancer. I am very afraid of the outcome of this procedure, especially since I just lost my father to cancer in November. Your story not only inspired me, but made me really count my blessings in regards to this awful disease.

 

I'm glad this came up again. How is the fight going? Please re-read my post on page one---it still applies.

 

I am really doing well! They cancer is in remission and they have no idea why it has responded that way as it is medically not explainable. I honestly do not care for an explanation as long as it stays in remission. The irony is they still list me as terminal. I rather think that might just be their time line, not mine.

I think our bodies and will are one of those things that sometimes it is better left to it just worked as a reason as the rest does not matter.

I still have to go monthly for all the testing in order to stay on this medication but that is nothing compared to all the other treatments. I will gladly take that.

Thankfully I was diagnosed in this time period as treatments and medications have changed drastically in the last 5 years, if it had of been before that I probably would not have had the same results.

Thanks for checking on me my dear friend! I am determined to bug you for a long time to come.

Heather

 

Excellant news ,Heather. Bug away!!

 

So sorry about the loss of your Father. This disease shows no mercy in who it wishes to choose. There are no words to make it better for you and I hope that time and good memories replace the sadness that the disease causes for everyone it touches, even indirectly.

I am sorry to read that you have to go for the biopsy but I am very happy that it flagged to be checked! Rather a double edged sword always. The earlier the detection the better.

I hope that you get good news from the results. If you need support or just someone to gab with we are all here for you. You can start your own thread and we will all be there with you.

Getting a call like that makes the whole world stop and the emotions and waiting are really difficult to deal with. Take some time for you now and spoil yourself a little. It will go a long way to help you to deal with any results that you get.

I will be thinking of you and if you need us, we are here.

Take care of you!!

Heather