a funny hippy joke.. post comments and more jokes (dont have to be about hippies thou

-A Hippie-

A hippie gets onto a bus and sits next to a nun in the front seat. The hippie looks over and asks the nun if she would have sex with him. The nun surprised by the question politely declines and gets off the at the next stop.

When the bus starts on it's way the driver says to the hippie, "I can tell you how you can get that nun to have sex with you." The hippie says that he'd love to know, so the bus driver tells him that every Tuesday evening at midnight the nun goes to the cemetery and prays to God. "If you went dressed in a robe and glow in the dark paint mask she would think you are God and you could command her to have sex with you."

The hippie decides this is a great idea, so that Tuesday he goes to the cemetery and waits for the nun to show up. At midnight sure enough the nun shows up and begins praying the hippie jumped out from hiding and says. "I AM GOD! I have heard your prayers and I will answer them, BUT ... first you must have sex with me." The nun agrees but asks for anal sex so she might keep her virginity because she is married to the church. The hippie agrees to this and has his way with the nun.

After the hippie finishes he stands up and rips off the mask and shouts,"Ha! Ha! Ha! I'm the hippie!!"

Then the nun jumps up and shouts, "Ha! Ha! Ha! I'm the bus driver!!"


got that from ebaumsworld.com

 

This guy is sitting in a bar drowning his sorrows when another guy walks in with a dog. The dog immediately sits down and starts licking its balls. The first guy says, "Man, I wish I could do that." The dog owner says, "Go ahead, he's friendly."

 

lmao nice one

 

CNN/Reuters: News reports have filtered out early this morning that US forces have swooped on an Iraqi Primary School and detained 6th Grade teacher Mohammed Al-Hazar. Sources indicate that, when arrested, Al- Hazar was in possession of a ruler, a protractor, a set square and a calculator. US President George W Bush immediately stated that this was clear and overwhelming evidence that Iraq did indeed possess weapons of maths instruction.

 

What do you call a mushroom that runs into a bar and buys a round of drinks for everyone?
I guess that would be a Fun Guy.

 

Q: Why would a Japanese person have trouble reading the three little pigs?

A: Because one line says 'not by the hair of my chinny chin chin'

( chin chin in japanese means penis)

 

Two blonds are fishing on either side of a small lake. One blond is not doing well at all and has caught nothing. She looks across to the other side and sees the other blond pulling in one fish after another. The first blond yells out over to the lake to the other blond "How do I get to the other side of the lake?"

The other blond yells back "You ARE on the other side of the lake!"

 

How do you hide money from a hippie?

Put it under the soap.

 

Just as a surgeon was finishing up an operation the patient wakes up, sits up and demands to know what is going on. "I'm about to close," the surgeon says. The patient grabs his hand and says, "Oh, no you're not! I'll close my own incision."

The doctor hands him the needle and says, "Suture self."

 

Bubba's Lawsuit

Down in the bayou, Bubba called an attorney and asked, "Is it true they're suin' the cigarette companies for causing people to get cancer?

"Yes, Bubba, sure is true." responded the lawyer.

"And now someone's suin' them fast food restaurants for making 'em fat and cloggin' their hearts with all them burgers and fries, is that true mister lawyer?"

"Sure is Bubba. But why you asking?"

"Cause what I want to know is, I was thinking, can I sue Budweiser for all them ugly women I've slept with?"

 

An unemployed woman, desperate for work, went into a toy factory. The personnel manager told that all he had was a very low skill job on the Tickle Me Elmo line. The woman happilly accepted, he took her down to her new post, explained the job, and told her to report for work the next day at 8am.

The next day at 9am the production manager came charging into the personnel manager's office and said that production had groud to a halt and demanded that the personnel manager accompany him to the line to have a look.

The two men arrived at the Tickle Me Elmo line and, sure enough, work had piled up at the new woman's station. She had a big roll of the fabric that Elmo was made out of and a bag of marbles. They watched as she cut a little piece of fabric and wrapped it around two marbles, and sewed them in between Elmo's legs.

The personnel manager burst out laughing. When he regained his composure he walked up to the woman and said:

"I'm sorry, I should have been more clear when I explained your job to you yesterday. What I wanted you to do was to give Elmo two 'test tickles'."

 

How are a microwave and anal sex the same?

They both can brown your meat without cooking it.

 

Did a google search on 'hippie jokes' and here are some of the things I found (I don't think we've very licked ):

Q What`s orange and looks good on a hippy?
A Fire

Q How do you know if a hippy has been in your house?
A He`s still there.

Q What do you call a hippy whose girlfriend broke up with him?
A Homeless.

Q What`s the difference between a hippy and an onion.
A Nobody cries when you cut a hippy.

Q How many hippies does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
A None. Hippies don`t screw in lightbulbs, they screw in filthy VW vans.

Q:Why do hippies love blow jobs?
A:They're the only jobs they'll ever have.

OLD HIPPIE JOKES

You know you're getting old when:

Your kids start partying with you at the bar. Bellbottoms are making a comeback. Everything looks the same to you whether you're on acid or not! (For women) The only head rushes you get these days are "hot flashes". (For men) The only head rushes you get these days is from forgetting to take your blood pressure medicine. You inhale amal nitrate for your heart. You smoke marijuana for your glaucoma. "Getting high" is being gassed at the dentist's office. You think "Deep purple" refers to vericose veins. You forgot who Jimmy Hendrix was. You thought Cheech & Chong were dead. You think Woodstock refers to a town in northern Illinois. You think "groupies" refers to people on group health insurance policies. You trade in your Harley for a deluxe model exercise bike. You now eat Healthy Choice meals instead of loaded brownies. You wouldn't think of burning your bra anymore. It doesn't matter if you burn your draft card. Mick Jagger becomes a grandpa and talks about going straight. You don't recognize anyone in Rolling Stone anymore. You think "couch potato" is synonomous with being "layed back". Your long hair only goes half-way up your head. You say "peace bro" to a gang member and he hands you a gun. The cops used to be "pigs" but now they are your buddies who protect you against gang members. And lastly, You use to be anti-establishment and now you ARE the establishment!

 

And some more 'deadhead jokes' (really.. these are sooo lame.. aren't there any GOOD and NICE hippie jokes on the internet somewhere??)

Anyways.. via google:

What did the deadhead say when all the marijuana was gone??????
� � � THIS MUSIC SUCKS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

What do you call a deadhead who just broke up with his girlfriend?
� � � Homeless.

How many deadheads does it take to change a lightbulb?
� � � None, they let it burn out and follow it around for 30 years!

What did Jerry Garcia say when he got off drugs?
� � � God, this band sucks.

How do you know when a deadhead has been to visit you?
� � � He/she's still there!!

How many Deadheads does it take to change a lightbulb?
� � � None. They just wait for it to burn out, and follow it around.

How many deadheads does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
� � � none. deadheads don't screw in lightbulbs. they screw in VW busses.

How many deadheads does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
� � � 10,201 -- one to screw in the bulb, 200 to record the event and ten thousand to follow the old bulb around the country long after it's burnt out.

Why did the Deadhead cross the road?
� � � To Western Union their parents for money to finish the tour.

Why do the Deadheads twirl their hands in front of their face when they dance?
� � � To keep the music out of their eyes.

How do you know if a Deadhead's been to your house?
� � � They're still there.

If a Deadhead comes to your house, where do you hide your money?
� � � Under the soap.

What did the Deadhead say when the drugs wore off?
� � � God this music sucks!

What's the difference between Jerry Garcia and a music critic?
� � � Now that one is dead, the other is gratefull.

I was talking to an office mate about the death of Grateful Dead guitarist Jerry Garcia. "I guess it won't be long before they have a commemorative stamp for him," she said.
� � � "Yeah," I said, "a food stamp."

What's the saddest part of Jerry Garcia dying?
� � � The deadheads having to get real jobs.

 

who gave me bad rep?