So as I've said before, I am 17 years old, having never participated in any romance. I'm making progress, though, from accepting my sexuality to realizing that I'm in the closet. This "closet" seems to be a key concept of homosexuality, and I never thought I was in the closet, it was like "I'm gay, big deal, it's nobody's business. But then one day I complemented this actress on TV I thought was hot and my family gave me weird looks and I changed the subject because those looks made me uncomfortable and I realized holy shit, I'm in the closet! And it kind of IS a big deal, because I can't really be myself. Anyway, I live in Christian conservative bible town America, and I don't know any lesbians within my sphere of influence. I can't discuss any personal problems with anyone without revealing the fact that I'm gay (thus this website posting). I don't get the impression that any of my family or peers would react severely to this knowledge, but nevertheless, it would make them uncomfortable and they would see me differently. So my dilemma is, should I wait until I leave my hometown for college to start developing who I truly am, or should I risk being ostracized by coming out now? Sometimes I feel so trapped within my own life; it fills me with despair. And angst. It's really depressing, and I don't even know if coming out will make me feel any better, what if it just adds to the misery and estranges me from people? I don't know what to do, and you internet folk are my only hope at help.
Only you can decide about coming out to your family and friends and when. If you think they will be receptive to a conversation and you are ready, you can try it, but remember you are still 17 and have age issue to deal with if there are problems. Do you have somewhere to live if things go bad? Maybe they will be more open than you anticipate, but you need to be prepared. I was raised by conservative religious Midwest parents, but we lived in Florida, a double whammy! I still don't speak to any of them, but living my life openly and honestly is the best decision I ever made. I envy you knowing that you are a lesbian at 17. My upbringing was so conservative and sheltered, I didn't even know of LGBTQ people until I left the Air Force. Only you know the relationship you have with your family and the type of relationship you want to keep on having with them. You have to decide, and certainly not right now, whether being out is necessary to you at this stage in your life. Can you try it on someone less important socially or someone less important to your general survival, like a teacher or maybe go to GSA meeting at school? YouTube some of the It Gets Better videos (there is a corresponding web site with tons of helpful advice) for info on other teen's experiences. Good luck and remember that this is a decision that doesn't have to be rushed. It will all happen when it's meant to happen. Just don't allow yourself to suffer over it. It's not worth the pain.
The key to all of this is that what you say you want to do is to "start developing who [you] truly [are]". It's the right thing to want to do - but the question I gotta ask you, given the way you describe your situation, is this: even if you were to "come out" now, would you truly be able to "develop who you truly are" in your current family / hometown community / age circumstances? Only you can answer that; but if (as I suspect) the real answer to that question is that no, you would still find that the external circumstances are such that even if you were to come out they would nevertheless stifle (or seriously impede) your development of who you really are, then I would say there's nothing much to be gained, and everything to lose, so let it ride for now. It's a difficult issue, and you've done well to confront it and raise it now. Self-awareness is sooooo important, and you've shown that you have that in abundance. Being in the closet isn't comfortable. But being out in a non-accepting community isn't comfortable either. Both can stifle your development of who you truly are. Big hug from me, Becky :mickey:
As lonely as the closet is, it's nice and safe in here, so I think I can wait until I leave somewhere else. My family will know when I send them my wedding invitation lol. Becky, you are totally right, big return hug to you! It's best if I wait. You guys have no idea how much this forum helps. Thank you all so much for your advice!
