A day in the life of Chuck Norris

Chuck Norris starts his day like every red-blooded man: with a giant boner. After rubbing one off, Chuck flosses his teeth with steel wool. Then he eats a bowl of dynamite, takes a massive two-flush megashit, and wipes his ass with intercepted letters to Santa Claus.


After breakfast, Chuck brings in his mail and uses the Spear of Destiny as an envelope opener. Chuck Norris not only stays up to date on current events but future ones as well so that he can ruin the ending to new Harry Potter books before they are written.

One time, Chuck Norris read a news piece about some guy who was given a death penalty for treason. Treason is especially offensive to Chuck because he embodies everything that is, was, or ever will be American. Chuck Norris loves America so much that when he gets interupted during sex, he gets red, white, and blue balls. So when Chuck read about this traitor, he killed himself, went to hell and ripped the guy's face off and uses it as a loincloth to this day. Chuck then resurected himself, went to lunch, and paid for his food using exact change.

In the evening, Chuck Norris likes to sit in the dark and silenty pray that his enemies get cancer.

 

hmmm. chuck norris jokes, since he's Walker Texas Ranger, shoulda started in texas. but here we are, a few years later, and only now getting what could possibly be the best chuck norris joke ever. why is that? honing the art? a true appreciation?

me? i worship seagal.

 

Chuck Norris was born to strike fear in the souls of mankind. Just say the name chuck and it sorta chokes you a bit. Maybe because Chuck is so close to chunks, or perhaps its a dreaded reminder of Upchuck. No matter what it sends chills into your stomach making you want to vomit.

 

Now thats's a good joke.

 

he's a master of wonder.

 

Fitzy could take him.

 

yea, he falls to the mighty alka seltzer

 

seagal is worthy of tom arnold's worship, and tom arnold is pure heaven therefore, seagal must be the messiah.

 

This is perhaps the best story/thread EVER.

 

I'm so sick of hearing about chuck norris

 

Sooo, why'd you open this thread?

 

Crop circles are Chuck Norris's way of saying that sometimes, corn needs to lie the FUCK down.

one of my personal favs.

 

Chuck Norris is a pussy.

 

Because I have no life.

 

Good enough for me!

 

I just had to wikipedia to gain any significant knowledge of Chuck Norris
and i dont even care im that ignorant

 

Also, obviously dont get the thread...but the word boner makes me laugh

 

it's a completely american joy to wallow in our wretchedness.

 

Untrue sir.

 

Yeah yeah yeah...

He's got all those damn belts and academies and his own fighting style, and he's from Texas, and, and...

I heard it all.



He's still a pussy.