A Cry For Help :(

Im 38yrs old and a virgin, my problem is i masturbate alot, 3/4 times a day sometimes it can be more to the point im sore, anyway reason im reason im posting here is i need advice, i have a major problem which tbh is scaring me and upsetting friends i have, when i get aroused i seem to want to tell ppl mostly women that im hard, need to masturbate or i am masturbating, and the way i do this is either msn or some sort of chat or through a game called world of warcraft, in this game u can whisper ppl, so when i get hard and need to masturbate i pm a female i know, or if theres a female character i whisper them, and tell them im horny and i need a to masturbate or i actualy am, now this is freakin me out, as i dont have an answer why i do this, but what scares me more is say the person i whisper is a child, i dont want to do this, i enjoy masturbation alot being a virgin its all i have, but when i get aroused i HAVE to do it were ever i am, doing what i have done as cursed me to loose alot of friends as u can understand as its somethink ppl just dont want to know esp women, and its making me depressed, i dont want to be like this and why i am i dont know as ive only been like it the past 2months, and i just cant explain it why its like im addicted to masturbation well i think i am if im honest but why i feel i have to tell ppl i dont know, so i need advice and quick, i havent been to my GP as yet as i find it very very hard to talk face to face about sexual issues or even masturbation, so i heard about the forums from a female friend, im not sure if this is the right place to post i dont know, and i know most of you ppl are based in the USA but any advice would be welcome, im scared of the future and dont know where to turn, ive even heard from a female friend that there are pills to stop guys gettin horny or gettin a hard on or even stops guys reaching orgasm basicaly kills all sex drive for good, so if thats true will mean i cant get hard so then i cant masturbate and feel the urge to tell ppl but im not sure how true this is, i would like womans opinions if these pills are true and will kill all sex drive and then i wont feel the need to mastubate and upset ppl do u think i shud take them plz giveme ur opinion im not sure what else to write or post, if ive posted in the wrong forums etc im sorry just new to this and very very confused. thanks for you time.

I hope you can understand my post as im completly crap at typing and puttin into things into words so again sorry.

 

This is just a suggestion. Why don't you write down how you're feeling on paper and hand it to your GP. Doctors are trained to deal with people who find it hard to open up face to face and he/she will accept this way of communication from you. You need to tell your GP, get some help with your problems and try to build a normal healthy life for yourself. If you have an addiction to masturbation then your GP can get you the right treatment. You could even write a letter and post it explaining your problems and he/she will get right back to you, doctors do not neglect people in need.

Also, doctors have to deal with A LOT more embarrassing problems than yours (STDs, AIDs, piles, hemroids, and a lot worse) and they're are trained to do it right. I'm not dismissing your fear, but you don't have a lot to worry about if you do get this out to him/her.

 

wow ,,, was a much better answer than i could conjure up.... i even read it twice,,, thing was ,, i couldnt come up with something nice so didnt say anything,,,,

 

sounds like you might want to invest in a good therapist


it sounds like you just sort of latched on to masturbation as something to consume your life. Coulda been anything. It's not masturbation that's the problem, it stems from something else - no, I don't know what it's from.... but it sounds like more than just masturbation is the problem

 

Well you have taken the most important step and admitted to yourself that you have a problem. Masturbation can become an addiction because it makes you feel better, you get depressed and a wank helps get rid of the depression for a while. The problem is that after you have tugged the slug the depression comes back worse due to the guilt you feel. Well masturbation is not wrong as such because that is the way men are build, we have a sex drive (some more so than others) and letting things build up just is so uncomfortable. I usally have pull before going to sleep because I have trouble going to sleep otherwise and my partner is usally fast asleep by the time I hit the hay (she hates getting woken up because I want a fuck).

However the urge to tell strangers and non strangers that you need to/are masturbating is slightly unusual. Particularly if the people involved are of unknown age. This is something you must curb and although I don't like them you may have to seek professional help from a shrink. Something you can do in the meantime is to find adult chat rooms where this sort of thing is more acceptable than a gamers forum. You never know you might meet a female on a chat room that loves it when you tell her that you are masturbating thinking about her hot body.
The problem being that it may grow from a have to tell to a must have to show type of thing. Masturbating outside a catholics girl school would be totally bad and a sure way to get a sex offender conviction.
I can see that you want to do the right thing but your addiction won't let you do the right thing, same with any sort of addiction. Alcoholics drink to forget that they are alcoholics.
Now to the big question and probably the cause of all your grief, why are you still a virgin at the age of 38? Sorry for being so blunt but pussyfooting around won't get us anywhere.
Have you tried doing it with prostitutes? Nothing wrong with fucking a hooker except that it is not very romantic. Really in order for you to overcome your wanking problem you also have to fix the cause of the problem. Talking to your doctor is a good step in the right direction and not one you should be ashamed about. If you do have a problem with your family doctor there are doctors who specialise in sexual matters. Look in your phone book for some possible places to go.
Also you do not have to 100% honest with a doctor, you could say that you are thinking about telling strangers/friends that you want to masturbate, rather than telling the doctor that you are already doing it. That is what i would do.
Anyway you got to do something, otherwise your addiction will overcome you completley and you will most likely do something which is really bad.
Lastly don't chicken out, we are here to help if we can.

 

I am a 30 year-old virgin, and I am actually pretty happy about it. I am not in anyway in favor of abstinence until mariage, however, and I am also not an anti-sex, either. If anything, I usually get booed for my ultra-liberal views toward sexuality and life in general. Anyway, a guy like myself would never think it wrong for a 38 year-old to still be a virgin. Why would it be? It is society that always plants the idea inside people's heads that it is "unusual" to be over a certain age and still be a virgin, or under a certain age and be a non-virgin. It is as if people are all of the sudden using the virginity/age ratio as a way to determine the attractiveness and mental stability of a person. Utter B.S., if you ask me.

But let's stick to the original topic.... I think ihmurria is right when she says the problem isn't necessarily masturbation itself but something else. MV, I think feeling guilty about it all is one of the WORST things you can do. You become aroused, that's good. You have the urge to masturbate, again, that's good. You feel the urge to tell people... Tricky, but actually is NOT uncommon. At all. So I for one wouldn't really see a big deal in that. The only thing you need to make sure when you tell somebody about your being aroused(or even that you're masturbating at that very moment) is to know whom you can have that kind of conversation with without offending them. I'm sorry, but those "friends" who left you just because you trusted them enough to tell them you were aroused.. They weren't real friends. I can tell my friends when I'm aroused, and they are very cool about it.

Let us return to the topic of the "cycle", though. So you get horny, get the urge to masturbate and tell other people about it... What comes afterward is what I'm concerned about; you then feel GUILTY. A bad, bad idea. So you become aroused often, so your sex drive is high. No big deal. So you masturbate 3 or more times a day. I fuckin' envy you! Haha, jokes aside, that's totally cool, and girls will love you for having that much sexual appetite. Now.... See, what feeling guilty often does is it really fucks with your brain. It often is NOT the act itself that is bad, but when YOU convince yourself that it is bad, it becomes "bad", so to speak. It is easy to get lost in that negative cycle, though. And usually society IS the driving force in encouraging such cycle. This is a difficult time for humans to live in.

My advice to you right now, before anything else, is to RELAX. Once you do, you'll be able to see things from different perspectives. Hopefully what you believe to be an addiction really isn't an addiction after all. I personally don't think it is. You just need to get out of that mental cycle. I'd also suggest doing LOTS of reading on sexuality and become more sexually enlightened. Remember, shame and sex don't mix.

 

you need to join a really kinky forum and post there where people will love to hear about the fact that you are masturbating. theres one site newbienudes.com you can leave comments about girls pictures that you like it or are masturbating to it and most will get very excited at the prospect of you enjoying yourself because of their pics. i don't think you masturbate too much in a day, and i don't think wanting to tell people is such a bad thing its merely in the context you do it.

 

Maybe if you jack off one complete time, instead of just 3/4, you won't need to do it so much.

Oh, and please don't pm me to tell me you're hard.

 

Well I would tend to disagree with that, older virgins tend to justify their status by saying that there is nothing wrong with being a virgin. I say bullshit to that, the human being is a sexual being and sex is a natural thing for a person. If a person does not have sex for whatever reason the mind tends to get all screwed up and the end result is the catholic church (sorry could'nt resist that one).
Anyway safe sex is a healthy thing to do and abstinence, wether by choice or circumstance, is to a certain extend unhealthy.
That is why I am argueing that malevirgin needs to get treatment to enable him to be cool with a potential partner. His masturbation is a sympton of the disease and as the disease takes hold it morphs into different forms, including the desire to tell others.
Sure I could say that being an older virgin is not a prob but I would be bullshitting.
Subconciously the mind still craves love, affection and sex. Trying to trick the mind won't work. What the mind tends to do in that situation is compensate by becoming kinky to the point where boundaries are crossed with things like exposing yourself to others and in extreme cases sexual assault (I could use pedeophilic priests as an example).
I am a great believer that there is someone for everyone out there and it is a matter of finding them.
There are trained professionals out there who specialise in relationship disorders. Use their skills to get yourself back on track. Also don't be dishearted if a relationship does not work out, finding a competable partner is a matter of trial and error but just to give up or not try is selling yourself short.
I would say that saying "Ooooh, I am happy being a virgin" is a form of self denial which is not healthy.
Yes being in a relationship is sometimes hard work but is also very rewarding and is the way nature intended us humans to be.
Sorry for being so straight up with this but that is how I feel and I welcome others thoughts on this.
Lastly I am not advocating that children have to lose their virginity as soon as they reach puberty but once they have reached a certain level of maturity to be able to have quality safe sex, they should not be fighting nature and telling themselves that it is OK not to want to be with another person.

 

What a load of garbage.
If malevirgin does as you suggest he is not tackling the problem but just feeding the symptom of the disease.
Funnily enough hippies believe in healthy loving relationships and you saying feed your habit malevirgin and this is how to do it goes against what your average hippy is all about.
When I suggested malevirgin finds an an adult forum to tell people of his desires it was to protect children on game forums, not to say you have no problem keep going like you are. I for one would be rather upset if someone made lewd comments within a general age forum.
And yes I do think wanting to tell others is a kinky thing and a progression of falling into depravity.

 

I agree with some of the things you've said above, and disagree with the rest. Let's just say that I quite agree with your pro-sex attitude. Remember, I DID say that I was a sexually liberated person and was, at times, even "too" open-minded about sexuality to the point where people start raising eyebrows. I do NOT agree with the catholic way of abstinence-only stance(I'm not even a christian, for that matter). I also have a very positive opinion of romantic relationships of various types. At least we are together on those things.

Now, what I do NOT agree with is the attitude that all "older" virgins must have some sort of psychological problem. If that were true, would you also say the same for a person who remains a virgin until she/he finds a right person(but not necessarily to presuppose marriage) even when she/he is otherwise very sexually liberated? If so, and if you, at the same time, believe that there is somebody out there for everyone(as you yourself said), then I personally see a contradiction there. What I believe is that people are free to choose when they want to lose their virginity. If they feel it is the right thing to do and, more importantly, is out of mutual willingness on the part of two parties, then that is their "time". Some may reach that point very early, some quite late. But I do not believe it has to have something to do with their mental health in all cases. It sure beats resorting to spending a night with a prostitute just to lose virginity.

Also, we must all remember that MV's situation might not be because of some "disease" as you put it. We don't know that. Jumping to the conclusion that he has some kind of mental illness when/if he doesn't and further encouraging his guilt to intensify will NOT produce positive results. Instead, he may be driven deeper into the already negative cycle because of that. I see so many people do this all the time: jumping to conclusions. All that does is make him feel even more guilty, and thus make it that much harder for him to get out of the kind of negative mentality he is currently in.

If MV is like me and is still a virgin because he wishes his first time to be special, what's so psychologically unhealthy about that? I'd actually give him a pat on the back and say "right on!". Another thing to keep in mind is that we all have different levels of sex drive. Some have very high sex drive and may masturbate more than 2 to 4 times a day. There is nothing wrong with that. Wanting to tell others about their sexual arousal and/or masturbatory episodes is, again, not necessarily a bad thing at all. I myself have done it, and for the most part have been met with positive attitudes from those whom I've shared such information with. Based on my own experience, I personally believe the first thing MV must do is to become more comfortable with himself, with his own sexuality, and with sexuality in general. Right now he is doing nothing but feel guilty and, if anything looks unhealthy to me here, I say THAT is.

By the way, I'm just going to assume you were mainly directing your words toward MV, so I choose to refrain from getting into the details of my own situation. In the meantime, I feel GRRREEEAAT being a virgin right now!

 

True and doubly so on the internet. People think they completely know you and what's best for you after just a paragraph or two of text - which given most people's lack of talent for words, is probably the poorest medium for effective communtication of personal matters.

My own two cents to Mr X: See a theraptist. You may have an addiction or you might just be having guilt issues like AT said but either way if it's distressing enough that you're sending out 'crys for help' then you do need help. ( I don't recommend a GP, they tend to be more pill pushers than anything when it comes to mental health. )

As for having to talk to people about your arousal - That is perfectly normal. There's a good deal of the internet that's devoted just to that. It's everywhere and even more so in MMORPGs. I do understand your anxiety over age in that sort of environment though. As an avid roleplayer and fan of cyber, I've had those same concerns myself. Now while there are some ways to gets hints to a person's true age, it's certainly not foolproof. I know I've been fooled by at least one well written 17 year old in the past.

I've recently removed that risk by playing an adult themed MMORPG in which all players are 21+ and age is enforced to the point where, if it's found out that you knew there was a minor in game and you didn't report them, then you get banned as well. It certainly has helped to ease the paranoia that comes with the anonymous medium of internet sex.


AT : Power to ya. I've a few friends that are older virgins and it's definately a well thought out lifestyle choice for them as well. Of course I've always had a soft spot for male virgins too. Infact I find it a great turn on. :H

 

I am not the original poster of this thread, that would be male virgin.
However I probably should see a therapist to fix my hatred of the ruling class and the way they are killing the world and everyone who sails within it.

 

My bad. I've the observational skills and memory retention of a mole sometimes.

 

OK lets put the sex part to one side for now.
What about relationships with women. It is one thing to say I am happy being a virgin but quite another to say I am not interested in having a relationship with another person. I could argue that in order to find Miss/Mr right you first have to find Miss/Mr wrong.
I personally spend a lot of time thinking about what is important in a potential life partner and came to the conclusion that it is the mind that is the most important part of any relationship. If you go out there with the idea that looks are paramount then most people will get burned because eventually physical attraction wears off and if the minds are not competabile then usally splitsville is the next stop (yeah I know there are a lot of generalisations in that but I would be here all day if I went into too many details).
I do also respect your stance and in some ways it is better than wanting to get chicks into bed for meaningless casual sex.
Now in regards to my comment about being addicted to masturbation being a disease. What about a heroin addiction is that a disease or simply just an illegal activity? I know I could have worded the whole post a lot better but I am not a writer, however at least I am putting forward a point of view that can be discussed to get to the stage where something positive comes out of it.
My main point was to say that people living in self denial is a problem, I have also said that there is nothing wrong with being a virgin if you want to wait for the right moment with the right person. However it is unhealthy not to be able to have a non-sexual relationship with a potential life partner when the opportunity presents itself. The art of being able to talk to the opposite sex is practise with lots of failures along the way. If you think that when you meet the person of your dreams everything will just fall into place you may be in for a shock. I am not talking about grubby pick up lines but the ability to be able to communicate your feelings effectivley.
I am not going to pry into your personal life and ask how many dates you have been on, how many GF's you have had, that is your business. However I make it my businees when people bullshit themselves into thinking that when the right person comes along, I will be able to do everything that it has taken others years of practise to get right.
So the main point here is that sure there is nothing wrong with being a virgin, provided that the person is able to have relationships in order to find the person they want to eventually lose their virginity too.
Lastly I am sticking to my viewpoint that it is wrong to want to tell children in a games forum that you want to/are masturbating. In an adult chat room not a problem but there are boundaries we all have to live within.

 

I know what you mean but I thought it kind of funny since we're on a forum full of minors, in a sub-forum dedicated to masterbation where 15 year olds and 40 year olds alike can talk to each other about whether they like the taste of their own cum or offer out to people to watch them jerk off on web cam.

 

Alright, now THAT, I totally agree with. And you say that is the MAIN point you're trying to make, so I suppose we CAN now settle this even though we still DO have slight differences in terms of how each of us views profuse masturbation. Again, it is the internet, and it has also been known that one may have a harder time getting one's point across just in the text format. It's just that I'm probably a LOT more open-minded about sexual matters than you are, and you're probably one of the more open-minded people in this world as it is.

At any rate, MV and I have been talking further, and I am optimistic that, with the right kind of support, he can make his situation better. My own situation in the past weren't the same with his, but I at least know what it's like to be stuck in a cycle and having certain doubts about self. So I was just expressing the views of somebody who has "kind of" been in the similar situation(though my problem wasn't telling random people I was wanking) in the past but really made his life better by learning about himself and becoming comfortable with his own way of thinking.

I may seem to have a rather unrealistic attitude, but... Ya know, that's just me.

Cheers!

 

mate to expand on the first answer you got, if you still dont feel comfortable writing to your gp in that sense, try just writting what you would normally say to someone, write it instead of saying it, but dont show that paper to anyone else.

and if u HAVE to have a pull, duck into the mens room, and try and be quiet

 

yes but i would say this is more of an educational forum for minors.

 

Hi all, just thought id let you know i went to my gp and had a chat about many things from masturbation to other personhal issues going on in my life, she still things i should take the pills that will reduce my sexual arousel and probley stop me masturbating, tbh i dont want to stop masturbating if im really honest i want to stop feeling the need to tell people im horny or masturbatin anyway shes made an appointment to see a theropist which if im honest im not looking forward to as im not good face to face especialy when it comes to sexual and masturbation, but we will see how it goes, its totaly freaking me out why i feel this ugre to tell others im hard or masturbatin as upto 2months ago probg alittle longer i never did this, if i was horny i just masturbated without telling ppl, so im hoping if i do pluck the courgae up to see this theropist she will help or have an idea why i do this, but doctor wants me to think long and hard about these pills and tbh i dont want to take them but am i being selfish because i wont be able to mastubrbate again, but is that a good thing bcuz then i cant upset ppl and upset myself when i tell people im hard and masturbatin, so tbh i dont know whats going to happen or how the future will end for me, i must admit it freaks the shit out of me if im totaly honest with you all, anyway again to the people that have replied to this issue here in masturbation and sexual health thanks alot, does feel wierd when ppl alot younger are offering a 38yr old virgin advice when it should be the other way round and tbh its very very embarassing, anyway cheers to them wh posted.