A couple of lines

Discussion in 'Poetry' started by HappyChild, May 14, 2004.

  1. HappyChild

    HappyChild Member

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    Here's a start, don't know where it's going from here:

    The sweet perfume of the ocean through an open car window
    Second only to that of the girl on the passenger side.
    Over the bridge and under the moon.
    Under the bridge and over the moon.
  2. SoundStepper

    SoundStepper Member

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    I like your last two lines a whole lot, gives me a totally awesome imiaige, it makes me feel like im driving high,I hope thats what your trying to say, Im curious about a few things though um how fast are you going give me some descripritcon of the cars speed thats also imporant for the amount of wind through the window and that floatly feeling, that can also set like the pace and the mood of the poem and a little more information on this girl in the car with you, why is it that she is imporant, give some information on her relivence to the driving on the bridge with the moon and the ocean. maybe tell how late at night it is that also can set a scence early in the night or is it late wheres the moons position .

    but beside that i really like it, nice work, just as a writer and a reader thoes are some of the questions i would like to have answered, and im sure they are imporant to others also.

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