so i have this friend of many years, he's 25 im a few yrs older. i told him a few years ago about me being bi, he seemed ok with it, didn't say much but everything went on as usual for the next 2 years.. keep in mind i've suspected he was also bi, just by random tiny things he would say and just by me knowing him well to spot certain things. anyway, he has a gf of a few years and just recently admitted to me he is bi. before him telling me this he was aware that i had feelings for him and that i cared and loved him lot. he told me he loves me but i'm like a brother and an amazing friend he would "kill" for. i told him i was cool with it because he was always my friend first. anyway, we hang out maybe twice a month, but when we are a couple weeks without hanging around he constantly txt me he misses me like a week after we hung out. also says he loves me a few times here and there like when saying good bye after meeting up. he's never really said the "love" word before to me. now a few days ago he tells me that he misses me and feels like he needs to see me everyday.. uh really? i randomly send a picture of a car (he an car enthusiast) he replies with "send more pictures i'm getting horny lol". i totally did not expect him to say that. i'm trying to keep my emtions at bay and remain his friend but he is confusing me. keep in mind he only came out to me a few months ago so i think he's acknowledged his sexuality, but still in that "ashamed to act/talk" stage (grew up with a bunch of homophobic brothers). how is it possible for him to miss me that much but not have any kind of "feelings" for me? keep in mind he has a GF for a few years, they live together and have a 2 yr old and he also works 40-50hrs a week.. he almost wants to see me more than i want to see him and i'm the one in love with him. he's talked to me about his GF and he doesn't seem very happy and that he's doing all the "work" at home, and that things may change "soon" so we can hang more often.. i'm pretty much his only real friend, can it be possible that he's infatuated with me but not have any real love feelings? i just find it bizarre.
Try to see the world from his prospective. You are his best friend, and probably, the only real friend. Hanging out with you is fun. You talk cars, hang out together, have few beers, whatever. You are the one who gives him a real break. Being with you is what life should really be all about. On the other side, there is a GF at home who is graciously leaving most of the housework to him, to busy himself after his 40-50 hrs working week, while a two-year old is crying and demanding everybody's attention. (How else would you define Hell on Earth?) Given the two choices who(se) would not go for? Who would not want to have more life like you two do as opposed to having more of the life that he has with his GF, in a messy home with a possibly screaming kid? On the balance of things, I would not read too much into his promises that the things will "change" soon. It is one thing to enjoy your company for all the obvious reasons, find you attractive, even sexually, etc., and it is quite another thing to divorce, not see your kid every day, and start openly living with another guy while making his homophobic brothers very unhappy about his choice. What you may want to do here, is to have an open, serious talk with him. His life is shittty. What are his plans? Do you figure in his plans? Agree that he does NOT have to spill out his beans if he does not want to. Agree that whatever is said in that room stays there forever. Clean the slate and talk real life. KD
thanks for the valuable input, also i forgot to mention he also tells me he's always thinking about me. i am somewhat attractive i guess, and in the past told me he's has noticed people "looking at me" so i'm assuming "looks" isn't the problem. he indicated he's "stressed out" so maybe i'm just comfort for him. i don't know.. there was a window of opportunity when he was single for a few months and had no commiment, and while i was already in love with him, he hadn't opened up to me yet. now that window is gone and i can't find it within myself to ask him anything due to him being involved in a relationship,etc.. we have gotton a lot closer in recent months after losing communication for about a year so, i think i am just going to wait a while before i ask him about any thing. maybe as time goes by i can try to understand more of what he really wants but as of right now he seems lost about his plans in life and the burden of supporting his kid and GF by himself. the only downside to this all is since he revealed his sexuality to me (confirming what i always thought) its made me want him more.. because now i feel as if i have a chance of having him more involved in my life, but at the same time it could make me feel "rejected" if he doesn't feel the same way.. he's so funny and adorable. nothing not to love about him..
