A bad memory from the sixties

It was the spring of '68 and I was still living in the Haight and what I used to do was take young new hippies under my wing. You know- show them where they can get free meals and where they could take a shower and find them a place to crash. One morning I met a girl who ran away from her straight life- university and such. I was showing her around the Haight - who and what to avoid . We ran into whom I thought was a pretty cool person and he offered her a place to crash for a couple of nights. I was with a mutual friend later that evening and we stopped by his place to see how everyone was doing but he claimed everyone was asleep.
The next day I ran into this girl and you could tell she had been crying and she was really pissed off at me. And for good reason- she got raped all night long by the so called really cool person and his friends. I took her to the free clinic and she checked out ok- but she didn't want to press charges. I got her a place to crash with a married working couple that I knew.
I ran into this fellow later that day and confronted him with her allegations and he just smiled and said 'what do you think free love is?' That was the one time I really wanted to kill someone. Alot of really bad shit was happening at the time so I left the Haight for about two weeks. When I got back I was looking for her to see how she was - well I found out that she was in a really bad state of mind for about 2-3 days and when the couple returned home from work they had found that she had killed herself.
To this day I can't help but think about her.
So the sixties weren't really all that great.

PAX

 

That's an extremely bad memory Hard to get of your mind I reckon. I think I'd break that guy's legs just to feel a little better...

 

that is really sad, I hope she found peace.

 

death is just a part of life, don't let it ruin a whole decade for you.
although that is sad that people would do somthing like that and just think its alright

 

thats terrible.
im sorry that memory haunts you.
the poor girl, she was just confused it seemed to what she wanted in life. she got unlucky with the people she lived with...
its not your fault though.. of course not.
atleast shes happy now..
<3

:grouphug:

 

Should have kicked the guy's ass.

Why didn't you?

 

Really isn't your fault man. All you did was try to help her. You can't blame yourself for it. Shit happens, no matter how bad.

 

yes- I blame myself -
if you went over to your friend's apartment at quarter to ten on a Saturday nite and he tells you that he can't open the door because everyone is sleeping how could I be so stupid! Just too stoned to really give it any thought - and I think I fucked up .

I felt so bad about what had happened that I did penance by doing volunteer work at a suicide prevention help line. What happened to her was just the tip of the iceberg. After close to three years I was completely burned out but I think I helped a little bit. I hope you don't get me wrong- the sixties were a great time and a lot of great things were accomplished but there was also alot of bad shit that went down.

A lot of you think that I should have done something violent to him and his friends - well, I got revenge. And- revenge really isn't that sweet. I'll just leave it at that.

PAX

 

Amen to that brother.

 

Traditional wedding vows usually include "For better or worse" (ought to say "For better and worse) and so it goes with pretty near all relationships and entities (people, cultures, communities and so on) having their betters and their worsts. Sometimes/in some people it tilts one way or another, but there is always yin and yang composing the whole.

 

And that's not to devalue the awfullness of what happened or how you feel about it.

Who hasn't blown it? I know I have.

 

That was a bad situation, to be sure.
It's the unknowns in life that are the hardest things to bear. We never know what would have happened if...

The bad things that happen are the result of many many choices made by many many people. If she hadn't left school, if she had turned left instead of right, If she would have gone anywhere instead of SF, if the guy hadn't been stoned, if the wrong people hadn't been at his apartment, if the married couple would have been more tuned in to her needs, if they had stayed home, if she had gone out.... who knows how many random events conspired together to cause this to happen?

To blame yourself solely, out of all of those opportunties for things to have turned out differently, is (if you'll forgive me for saying so) a bit arrogant. I know you don't mean to be arrogant, but your input was not the only reason, or even the major reason, why things turned out the way they did.

You are blameless in this, even if you did put her in that apartment and even if you think you should have been skeptical of the guy's explanation about everyone sleeping. You are as blameless has her own decision to walk down one street instead of another. There's too much that is unknown about the whole scene for you to blame yourself.

I know that it's hard, after having lived with all that guilt for 41 years, but I hope that you were able to forgive yourself for what you consider your involvement -- and her, for her involvment in what happened to you.

 

I think what I did was more than just the flapping of a butterflies wings. I could have and should have done more. Two days later after she told me what happened, I just happened to walk into a riot that was occurring on Haight St. and all the hate and anger that was inside of me spilled out- I was not defending myself, I was the aggressor. And it freaked the shit out out of me to see how much hate and anger there was inside of me. So I ran away from everything the following day. I left for about two weeks. I returned to find that things had become alot worse. I found out she had committed suicide and someone took revenge for her.

Oh- the reason I think about her everyday is - to quote an old saying: 'if your name is remembered you will never die'.

PAX

 

im sorry to hear that. bad things happen to good people. you may think you did wrong by her. by taking her life, she also did wrong by you, and everyone else there that would have wanted to help. the kindness of the people at the time was in no shortage, and yes, she would have ben in a very bad place to go to the lengths she did, but you will not be the only one feeling the guilt of it. the couple she was staying with would most likely feel equally responsible.
it is a good thing that you want to remember her, so she will never die. but you must keep in mind, she came to you, to San Fransico, becuase she wanted to find a happy lifestyle, she wanted to share and be part of it. for unfortunate reasons, she never acheived this. with the memory of her, you keep her living, but in guilt, shouldnt you try and make it a happy memory of her instead, considering you are keeping her alive, dont you think you should make this life of hers happy. your giving her a second chance. give your self a second chance as well.

 

Nothing I could say that would take away the bad memory and nothing I could say that would stop your second guessing your actions. Revenge is not sweet but justice is necessary. If you helped her get justice you can be proud of that, but it won't feel sweet.

 

that's awful, and that is not what free love is about

 

oh my god.. seriously some people are just so lost..
that guy, really didnt get it, and I so hope we can make the world a better place without such people raping and ruining it and making us look bad!
the poor girl..
but dont blame yourself man, it happened and you have to accept it, because by feeling bad about it your punishing yourself for nothing!

 

Karma will catch up with them!

 

You drop a young girl off who obviously had no street smarts to begin with at some stange guys house, when exactly did this seem like a good idea to you?

 

I feel for you. I've written enough on this site about my own abuse. I met one of my old girlfriends rapist's one night. I promiced her I wouldn't kill him. Instead he was introduced to me and I shook his hand. When he left I took a swing at a wall and almost broke my hand. I hit hard enough to leave a bruise on my palm. When my moods were getting almost destructively dark there was a line from U2 that would come to mind "Instant Karma's gonna get 'em, If I don't get 'em first." Fortunately I haven't thought in years.

About sending her into that trap. I realised something from watching the news. Whenever they bust a child molester, serial killer or rapist they allways talk to the neighbors on TV. The neighbors allways say the same thing,"I never would've suspected. He seemed so normal." You didn't see it coming alot of people don't.

Anytime there is free anything scavengers, preditors, and parasites show up. Free Love, Free Dope, Free Breakfast, etc. And the best human preditors don't look like preditors. I've almost developed a sixth sense for detecting both preditors and survivors but that came with being abused. And it can't be tought.
Peace Out,
Rev J