As handed down to Morris Topper from Captain Beefheart.... 1. Listen to the birds. thats where all music comes from - birds know everything about how it should sound and where that sound should come from 2. Your Guitar is not really a guitar your guitar is a divining rod. Use it to find spirits in the other world and bring them back over. A guitar is also a fishing rod, if youre good you will land a big one 3.Practice in front of a bush Wait until the moon is out, then go outside, eat a multi-grained bread and play your guitar to the bush. If the bush doesnt shake, eat another piece of bread 4. Walk with the devil Old delta blues players referred to a guitar amp as the "devil box" and they were right. You have to the be an equal opportunity employer in terms of who youre bringing over from the other side. Other instruments attract other spirits. An acoustic guitar attracts Caspar, a mandolin attracts Wendy. But an electric guitar attracts Beelzebub 5. If youre guilty of thinking, youre out If youre brain is part of the process, youre missing it. You should play like a drowning man, struggling to reach shore. If you can trap that feeling, then you have something that is fur bearing. 6. Never point youre guitar at anyone Your instrument has more clout than lightning. Just hit a big chord then run outside to hear it. But make sure you are not standing in an open field. 7. Always carry a church key Thats your key-man clause. Like One String Sam. Hes one. He was a detroit street musician who played in the 50s in a homemade instrument. His sone "I need a hundred dollars" is a warm pie. Another key to the church is Hubert Sumerlin, Howlin Wolfs guitar player. He just stands there like the Statue of Liberty - making you want to look up her dress the whole time to see how hes doing it. 8. Dont wipe your sweat off your instrument You need that stink on there. Then you have to get that stink into your music. 9 Keep your guitar in a dark place When youre not playing your guitar, cover it and keep it in a dark place. If you dont play your guitar for more than a day, be sure you put a saucer of water in with it. 10. You gotta have a hood for your engine Keep that hat on. A hat is a pressure cooker. If you have your roof on your house, hot air cant escape. Even a lima bean has to have a piece of wet paper towell wrapped around it to make it grow
i be wondering about the hat . since i play outside a whole lot i feel i just gotta have more than one hat on account of the weather extremes . in fact , i need to have hats custom made . i wish i could sew better . you'd think with knimble fingers i could sew true but that ain't necessarily so .
This sounds like some kind of sick guitar cult. Guitars that shoot near lightening? Come on, that's sad. Have some logic. Oh wait, that makes me "guilty for thinking" doesn't it? I'm a classical guitarist, the guitar is a tool the music comes from the soul. Supersticion crap wont make you any better at all or your "multi-grain" bread. Make sure you tell the spirits to stop the wind so you can wait for you magical bush to shake. "Spooky... when ever the wind blows this bush moves, oh wait it stopped, I better go eat some more multi-grain bread!' Go play your reaking guitar, I don't care if you want to stink just consider other people's noses. Filling their noses with your stench is quite inconsiderate and thoughtless. No one enjoys music that stinks. Idiot.
Sheesh, thanks alot! Call a guy an idiot for posting someone elses quote? Or perhaps you are implying that Capn Beefheart is an idiot? I dont do all these things, but there is alot of truth behind what is being said here, even if its coming thru in a bizzare way. Obviously music comes from the soul, and the instrument is only the tool - thats exactly what the bit about a guitar is a divining rod is saying. most of all, like any advice, take what you want and leave the rest. However name calling seems totally out of line here. thanks for that
no, i have to agree with muffin on this one, you and your Mr. whats-is-beef are idiot's. it doesnt matter that your not the one who originally said it, your the one who passed it on. you really think anyone is going to go out and stand in front of a god damned bush with a guitar and eat multi-grain bread? if so, you and this beefhead fellow are both stupid. by the way, what exactly do they put in multi-grain bread that makes you a better guitar player? cause ive been eatin multi-grain bread all my life and it never seemed to improve my guitar playing skills? could it be that this captain beefass is just a cracked out hippie that doesnt know what hes talking about? no no i bet it was from the lightening coming from his guitar... yeah, that must be it.. fried is beefbrain.
Your just as much os a loser as captian beefshit for passing that retarded book of lies on to anyone. Your a bad influence on the sane.
so, you dont know who captain beefheart is then? go away until you do, and peruse the forum rules on name calling while yer at it. I didnt ask you to like it, or even agree. Give an opinion, or post something useful, and dont take everything you read so literally.
Why the hostility? I didn't see Samson telling us to believe or do any of it. What's wrong with posting something for others to enjoy? No need to be so hateful.
Listen to the birds, yes there's a lot of wisdom in that... To play with joy, that's what it's all about right!
