Beautiful weather. Hubby doesn't have to work. We can enjoy our time together, without the intrusion of watches, and clocks telling us where we need to be next. I want to just stare up at the pretty blue sky, sipping coffee at a close by bistro, as we talk about nothing meaningful, and everything meaningful, all at once. I feel rested, and happy. I think the weekend is like a rebirth of sorts, where we can unwind, and start over. My nails are painted a nice shade of light pink right now, and the color reminds me of the season. Soon spring will be here, and the flowers will be in full bloom. I hear birds chirping, and it's hard to believe that other parts of the country are still suffering in the cold and snow.
The weekend conjures up many good thoughts and feelings for me. Do you feel the same?
Life has been a mixture of ups and downs, but I'm finding joy, even in the downs. I used to run away from the downs, but now, I stop, and reflect on them. Did I somehow cause the downs? Or is it just life springing them upon me? I like knowing that I'm in control of how I see the downs, and they don't have to ruin a good day, or my entire life. They are learning moments, and the ups are taken from the downs. Without both, life wouldn't be what it is. And they usually don't last very long, sometimes, they're just feelings, nothing more than feelings.
On another note, I think I'm done watching The Walking Dead. It went from a cult classic, to really boring writing, and I may just binge it all when it's over. I wonder what happens with shows like this, why they try to fix something that's not broken.
Don't have much to say today, but I just wanted to share a random observation. Probably everyone notices this, but no one seems to care. I don't know. I find that social media, forums, etc...there are so many people trying to one up each other, with the wittiest saying, or catch phrase. It would be refreshing if people were more real on the internet, but maybe that's why some enjoy it so much...because they can become their very best fake self.
I think it's causing me to spend less time on FB, IG, even on forums. I have a friend who loves a quote ''I'd rather be hated for who I really am, than loved for who I'm not.''
Clearly, that quote was uttered before the advent of the internet.
I try not to ever see myself as a ''victim.'' I don't really like that term, unless it's truly accurate. But, lately, I feel like the odd girl out, as though it's hard to really fit in, somewhere. What I mean, is I left religion about five years ago, and back then, I lost a few Christian friends. I felt like the odd girl out. Then, I eventually claimed that I was an atheist, and felt a sense of belonging, until...I gravitated towards faith again, a few years ago. Then, I was the odd girl out among my atheist friends. They never really shunned me, but they definitely made me feel like I wasn't entirely a part of them. We've moved past that now, i love my friends, but I know that they don't understand why I'm spiritual, again. It's not even worth explaining, because if you are an atheist, you might not get it. If you are spiritual, you might not get why I strayed from belief in the first place. Again, that odd girl out feeling returns.
Now, upon finding out that I have a middle eastern heritage, my dad's weird secret that he kept from me until a few weeks ago, I find myself feeling that strange left out feeling. He doesn't want to be a part of exploring our middle eastern side, maybe because he associates the middle east with endless religious and political conflict. He has shared bits and pieces of his views, and left the conversation with ''you're on your own with this.'' Odd girl out...again.
I wonder if anyone can identify with feeling like the odd one out with family or friends...maybe at your place of work? Most days, it doesn't bother me, but after this thing with my dad, it does.
I posted a blog entry recently, and deleted it. I realized that I can keep an ongoing blog, if I just add to it in comments. That might be better than separate entries every time I wish to make a new entry that relates to the overall topic.
Anyways, last week, I learned that my grandfather who was adopted in Italy by Italians (I knew that already) had middle eastern bio parents, Iranian and Syrian. My dad decided to tell me this news, letting me know that he never found out until after he married my mom. I happen to think that on some level, this probably meant that my grandfather was embarrassed by his heritage. My dad must be following in his father's footsteps, because he said that he doesn't want me 'sharing this with everyone,' that he'd like to keep it in our family, and with close friends. My dad feels that he was raised in an Italian culture, and that this is nothing more than a bloodline, since his dad never knew his bio parents. Never met them. I get it, I really do, but for me, I find this news to be a gift. I love learning about new cultures, and I'm choosing to embrace this side of my background.
My grandfather died about five years ago in his 70's and it's sad that he felt the need to keep this from me. And to keep it from my dad for years. I don't know why people keep family secrets, but just happy that I know, now.
Separate names with a comma.