welcome...life

hi this is for all

we welcome life,to live and be free
i once felt opened not closed .
now the silver rolls off my cheek.
not sure what has become....
i welcome day when a dawn
washed night a balance held.


danced loney heart unfull,
with young minds we laughed
now the age of seconds
welcome a new time...

we welocme life,to live love,,,,
i once held tight the light
now burned deep below.
fragile welcome alright stay
no no flee go
ripples wash a soul fresh
ive welcomed life ,lived and loved
my honour my body ,flown...........

thank you
love n peace from saff

"i welcome day when a dawn
washed night a balance held."

i adore this line.

Revel, I say, revel!

much love

Originally Posted by osiris

"i welcome day when a dawn
washed night a balance held."

i adore this line.

Revel, I say, revel!

much love

thank you osiris

i have been reading your poetry and enjoy
the depth you dive when you write..

love n peace keep writing
from saff

2. (See "Hot Poems")

Try to make it less egocentric. Try to dissolve the barriars between you (or in the case of the 1st line "us") and everything else. Also try to loose a sense of time, just keep the progession of events, you have too much "now", "then".

For me the hot lines are:

the silver rolls off my cheek

danced loney heart unfull

the age of seconds

I just noticed you could almost make that the whole poem if you are into Haikus:

the silver rolls off my cheek
danced loney heart unfull
the age of seconds

Blessings

Sebbi