How important is sex in a relationship?

You would get divorced because your partner was turning down sex? Why is sex so important to a relationship? People offer solutions if it happened to them, yet don't explain WHY it is so important. Sex for me is not essential in a relationship. I agree with seized, I'm not sure if it makes my top 10 either. I used to be very sexually energetic but now I am seriously uninterested. It is taking it's toll on my relationship.

for me the physical differences between a friendship and a 'relationship' is one of the MAIN differences.

i can talk to my friends, i can vent to my friends, i can offer advice to my friends, i can go out to dinner with my friends - but I don't fuck my friends.



maybe i should start fucking my friends, i dunno...but it is important. if you aren't having sex with your partner, or at least aware and mutually addressing that you aren't, it would make ME consider the relationship's ability to last.

because sex is a closeness with your partner, it's a connection. The mental, the touching all of that.

With out sex it's just a living arrangement with your bestie

I'd be frustrated lol! And I'd get him to do all the cleaning and cooking. And if it still continues I'd probably leave him thinking he wasn't in love with me anymore.

Originally Posted by Faelixx

If something happened to your partner and they were unable or unwilling to have sex for a very long time or indefinitely, what would you do? And how often do you and your partner do it

If I were in this situation and working on the premise that I would not be in a relationship with someone I did not love and adore, I would manage somehow. I would not look for sex elsewhere. I guess I would masturbate more.

To answer the second question - well, I am not in a relationship at the moment but when I last was we would 'do it' 1-3 times a day.

Hope you are ok.

Originally Posted by Faelixx

You would get divorced because your partner was turning down sex? Why is sex so important to a relationship? People offer solutions if it happened to them, yet don't explain WHY it is so important. Sex for me is not essential in a relationship. I agree with seized, I'm not sure if it makes my top 10 either. I used to be very sexually energetic but now I am seriously uninterested. It is taking it's toll on my relationship.

Faelixx, absolutely! Either get counseling or leave is my opinion.

For me the sex is the canary in the coal mine.
I am not ignoring the way that modern American life and the aging process take the edge off desire, but your question was not about that.
If a couple have completely shut themselves off from sexual intimacy (even on days when you have time and are well-rested, it is proof that the marriage is in trouble.

If you still had a burning desire for intimacy, but your body was not up to it, you would get medical help, marriage counseling or rearrange your schedule to restore it. The sex is just a byproduct of the fire that should never go out.

I know of couples that stay together for the children, stay together because of the expense and stigma of divorce, or religious reasons.
I am not saying they should not try to fix these issues. But if they refuse to fix it, maybe it is time to think about divorce.

But you and your next of kin are the only one that will have to live with the consequences of staying or leaving. Your call...

I`m assuming by a 'relationship' you mean, you can`t have sex with anyone else, which is what most people mean by the word.

If not being able to have sex with anyone else already sounds dodgy to me when a couple is sexually active, it seems like the apex of moronic to expect someone not to have sex with anyone one else when you yourself have no interest.

That such a question is even asked, makes this thread from Mars. I`m from planet Earth.

I'm positive you knew what I meant by 'relationship', because, I'm assuming like most people posting in this thread, I define a relationship as a monogamous partnership between two people. I can only speak for myself but I don't go around sleeping with more than one person at a time. I know I know, call me old fashioned.

And yes it is quite the 'apex of moronic' to assume that someone that you love and who loves you back would give up SUCH a supposed vital part of life. When you wake up every morning, is your main goal in life to get laid? Does your very BEING rely on getting off? I don't quite understand this. I guess my question should be, MEN: why can't you chill the fuck out?

Having sex is for reproductive purposes, no more, no less. It just so happens that it feels good, for some of us. Why should I consent to having sex in my relationship when I am neither willing or interested in doing it? And yes there are different ways to have sex that don't require penetration but I'm not into that either.

Why does it mean there is a problem when two people in a MONOGAMOUS RELATIONSHIP CONSISTING OF TWO PEOPLE who ONLY have sex with EACH OTHER, stop having sex with each other? Can't things just stop, people become uninterested? Or is everything like a Beatles song, everything has to have a hidden meaning?

Originally Posted by Faelixx

I'm positive you knew what I meant by 'relationship', because, I'm assuming like most people posting in this thread, I define a relationship as a monogamous partnership between two people. I can only speak for myself but I don't go around sleeping with more than one person at a time.

Well, I do. And I don`t go 'around', if by 'around' you mean cheating. I have never cheated in my life. Cheating is firmly the outcome of monomania. Still, just because most people use 'relationship' that way, doesn`t mean it`s the correct use of the word. Does not mean monogamy is the only kind of relationship.

I think it`s worth pointing out that are many different kinds of relationships. And the one you`re apparently pining for, would be one of the most untraditional kinds: you want to be asexual, with a sexually active person, and that person should sacrifice their sexuality to your asexuality.

Well, that would be on a par with being a cuckold or a submissive, IMO. You want your desire (or, lack thereof) to take precedence over his. In other words, you want control. But, like everything, it`s just a matter of finding someone who will accept doing that. If you find someone who will tango, nothing wrong with it. It just ain`t gon` be me. I do not have an asexual or submissive personality.

I can 'chill the fuck out', but why should I? Sex is for reproductive purposes to you. Not to me. I have no intention of having a child. I have sex because I enjoy it.

Nor, is it a matter of 'MEN.' I think I can safely assume the overwhelming majority of women would not accept going without indefinitely either, all feminist hypocrisy aside.

I don't mean around as in cheating. I mean around as in how a prostitute would go around trying to pick up tricks. I believe cheating is the product of being unhappy, maybe you are blessed with the ability to say and do something about it before it gets to that point.

Perhaps because of my own personal bias and the majority of men I have had to deal with in my life I cast them into a one size fits all perverted and sex crazed box, a box I most definitely do not want to approach. I never said he SHOULD give up his sexuality for my lack of one, as if it is some kind of ultimatum, and I have even suggested that he go and bang other bitches, because that's what it would be, a random bang with some random girl. Would I mind that? Most likely. Am I willing to make that sacrifice for a person I love? Yes, because I understand that he apparently can't give it up, and my loss of sexuality 'takes precedence' over his, what other compensations are there?

What about HIS sexual appetite? I feel at this moment it is taking precedence over my needs because he is not listening to me, and I fail to see how THAT is fair.

Why is it so fucking unheard of not to have sex?? why is everyone so goddamn obsessed?

I fail to see how I am being a cuckold, I believe that a cuckold would abstain from any kind of marital relations, such as kissing, hand holding, going on dates, etc. My partner and I do these things happily. I would understand if our relationship was somehow lacking in ways of showing love and affection besides sex, but its not, and I guess that is what frustrates him the most, because HE doesn't understand ME. And I can't continue to have sex and pretend to enjoy it, it seems pointless.

Honestly, I don't know. I personally have been able to deal with these things on my own, so I don't know how I would feel if the situation were reversed, but from my point of view, I wouldn't be running to the lawyers to get divorced. Maybe my sex drive will come back? Who knows. Forgive me my jaded feminist ways