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Forum Description: Poets, share your poetry here!
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Old 05-12-2004, 02:17 AM   #1
tourmaline
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Default written on may8th

there lies inside-

a simple breatheing beast

-instictive.

in one way or another,

it thrashes

transpires

lucidly, unintentional

in every moment

full of flow

and viscocity

it avoids my very attention

but everpresent

it claws at all i touch

manifests in simple sensation

i easily blame its intention on

outward cause

i, behind my shroud - miss

it passes by

and if i catch one single event,

a multitude are then in progess

~Imbrium
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Old 05-12-2004, 02:25 AM   #2
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Didnt like it, too vague, no electricity and no feeling, a lost feel and a lack of content, no tangible feeling just vague frustration maybe thats what you were going for??? I dont know its not my kind of poetry, but I see it more and more. What I recomend is maybe try and embrace the feeling you want a little more, or maybe the feeling of nothing is what you want???? Im sorry Im too confused to give you any constructive advice.
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Old 05-12-2004, 02:33 AM   #3
tourmaline
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then i say mister, you don't understand ... please don't tell me my deepest feelings have no feeling

sometimes i wish people would stop thinking, what is this person thinking, and start thinking, what does this poem mean to me?

haha, i'm gonna stop posting these, i'm too sensitive.. frankly i don't need anything constructive, how do you better construct a moment, or the transfer of that onto paper?
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Old 05-12-2004, 02:41 AM   #4
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Im really sorry man, too me i couldnt find any feeling but frustration. but thats only me, you should keep posting and sharing your stuff because obviously you have some passion and thats the kind of person whos work i enjoy to read wether or not i can relate or find an attatchment to the words is completely irrelavant
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