Join Date: Jun 2004
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im posting these again cuz the other ones were deleted, and a few peeps said they liked them. so here ya go.
I Can't Be Perfect, So Fuckoff, And Die
I can't be perfect, no one can.
If you try to reach out, and save me I will bite off your fucking hand.
Leave me alone, I'm better off on my own.
Besides walking alone is all I have ever known.
Take your lectures, and shove them up your ass.
I have already forgotten you, ya your a thing of the past.
I have never loved you.
I don't know what love is anymore.
Your just a shadow, just another fuck to ignore.
Don't bother me with your bullshit, its just another lie.
I Can't Be Perfect, So Fuckoff, And Die.
No Way Out
Bones heal, but my scars never will.
I numb myself to escape all the horrible pain I feel.
On the inside I feel so empty, cuz the world has stole everything good that was left inside of me.
I try to dig my way out of this hell I'm in, but the world swallows me, and drags me back in again.
There is no way out for me.
I'm lost at sea.
I'm broken like a piece of glass on the floor.
Being stepped on, and treated like a whore.
I am right now wishing I was dead, but in reality I already am.
You say your my friend, but all you do is pretend.
The more you fill me with shit ,and lies.
Another part of me dies.
As if you even cared at all.
You make me feel like your drug doll.
With no thoughts of my own. I will live fast then die alone.
In a world of piss, and shit.
I live like a speeding bullet.
My candle wont burn long. Before you know it I'm gone.
Dead, and in my grave, cuz there is nothing left of me to save.
I havent smiled for the longest time.
I have smiled when told to or to make someone feel welcome, but not a real smile
If I could just smile for a minute it would be grand, but my smile is lost deep beneath the sand.
People ask me "Why you so angry man" I reply with I don't know I'm just not happy, and have tried everything that I can.
Drugs helped, but they aren't real.
They just numb everything all the bad shit you feel.
My smile is somthing I desperatly need to find.
Until I do, nothing will ever ease my mind.
You said you would be with me whenever I needed you.
Even though You have stranded me at a time that I really do.
Left here with my demons haunting my head.
I don't think there is a soal that can save from ending up dead.
I close my eyes, and see my future laying dead in an oblong box.
Lifeless, and alone beneath the dirt, and rocks.
I keep on climbing this mountain, but it seems to have no end.
It has taken so many people from me it seems the the devil is my only friend.
I feel like giving up. I feel like turning back, but there is nothing left to turn back to.
You push me in my back. You tell me want to do. Even though you don't have a clue the shit I am going through.
Well I say you suck you self richeous fuck besides who the hell are you.
Preaching to me about staying clean about all the horrors you have seen.
All the while you fail to realize I'm living the shit every goddam day.
A life of broken dreams.
There is nothing like a stormy night.
Soothing sounds of rain, and the flashes of light.
Makes me peacefull on the inside.
I kneel on the couch, and glance out the window.
Watching the rain pour down, and hearing the wind blow.
Its such a calm place to dwell for a moment.
It's such a priceless feeling, and no greedy fuck can buy it or own it.
Your Blue Eyes Are Turning Grey
You mean more to me then life it self.
I care so much for you it hurts.
I see you hurt yourself everyday, and I'm starting to see your life fading away.
Your blue eyes are turning grey, and the sparkle in your eyes meant so much to me.
If I lose you. All the love I have I will rip out, and toss it into the deep dark sea.
The shit in your viens is killing you, and I don't know what the fuck I can do, to save you.
Your so shallow it is sickening me.
How can I trust your when all you do is decieve.
You can't see who I am or see the pain in my eyes.
All you see is my skin, and fill my heart with lies, lies, lies.
You make judgements without knowing who I am.
I'm trying to reach you, but I don't think anyone can.
You fill yourself with false security.
You fill yourself with shallowness, and your heart will always be empty.
Two dimensional thoughts will destroy you in so many ways.
Your just another rat getting lost in lifes maze.
My skin is still warm, but inside I'm cold, and blue.
Never wanted to be close to anyone. Not even you.
I feel so far away from everything, and everyone.
I wish I did'nt feel this way. I wish I didn't feel this way. I wish I didn't feel this way.
Still I do, and don't understand why, but my mind is like this everyday.
Theres no relief insight, no one that understands.
They just want me to smile, and fullfill, there demands.
I am trying everything I can to make you happy.
While I remain miserable trying to be somthing I just cannot be.
You put a thousand pounds on my back, and expect me to stay in line.
I can't hold this weight much longer as I keep on falling further, and further behind.
I told you that I would kill myself if you did not help me more.
You will pay for this shit when you find me dead laying on the floor, cold and blue.
Die With A Smile
The rush is so stong, but it doesn't last long.
Before you know it your whole life is gone.
Still don't care about the risks, and the jive.
I would kill myself just to feel alive.
I won't say my prayers save that shit for later.
It's as if I ever cared. At alll.
I just wanna go out have fun get a tan from the sun.
Leave my head for a while, and then die with a smile.
Walking In The Rain
At this moment I feel calm, and my mind is clear.
I'm thinking of you, and wishing you were here.
One thousand miles seems so damn far, but I will still love you no matter where you are.
I feel so much for you it's so hard to explain.
You make me feel like I do when I'm out walking in the rain.
Free as a bird, holding on to your every word.
My feelings for you will never fade away.
Everything is changing, and I feel like I'm in a tornado.
Its all moving so fast, but I'm moving to slow.
I can't keep up, I can't let go, I don't want to lose all the people I know.
You say its all right, you say its ok, but if it is then why am I feeling this way.
You don't listen, you don't hear me. I feel invisible, and I don't have any relief.
Youn don't help me, you don't comfort me, and it feels like I'm deep asleep in a horrible dream.
Wake me up.
Behind my back is where you stand with a knife in your hand.
Your ready to stab me with your betrayal, and your apathetic mind.
Your words of betrayal cut me deep, cut me so deep inside.
It hurts so much to feel your knife inlodged making me bleed.
You run off, and leave me here to die, and rot.
I thought you were my friend someone I could trust, but like everyone else your not.
All That Matters
I wish life could be more kind.
Somthing I, can not find.
Its hard enough just to live my life.
Even harder when loving someone
Still it don't matter what you do
It don't matter, because I will still love you.
Either treat me like a friend, or love me as your brother.
Loving me is like loving the dead
I will always love you my dearest friend.
It doesn't matter what you do.
All that matters is I will always love you.
You inflict pain on the weak.
Your evil is at its peak.
What more innocents shall you seek.
Where you will take a leak.
Your asleep, but still awake.
You never give, but you always take.
your torn heart is going to make my heart break.
I can read your lips, and you are a liar.
Setting my mind, body and soal on fire.
Writing helps me heal, and ease my pain.
The words flow for me like pouring rain.
It eases my mind, and sets my heart aflame.
It helps to remind me just who I really am.
I don't know if the words come from my heart, or from my soul.
Or if the words will stop the day I don't hurt anymore.
My writing won't save the world, or feed the poor.
Still writing saves me, and I hope it will always have this allure.
My Only Light
Your the only thing good in my life, and I'm so fucking lost without you.
Your the only light I have left to help me see through the darkness.
You taught me how to love at a time when I had none left inside.
At times I felt helpless you were always the first to be by my side.
Love is the only thing in this world that can't be bought, stolen, or sold
It can only be givin, or recieved, and its a gift that will never get old.
I don't need a thousand friends to feel love from another.
If I have a friend that would stick with me closer then a brother.
From Sanity To Insanity
Crystalized memories inlodged
deep within your subconscious mind.
which consume the fire,
that emptied the beauty of your intense eyes.
The shallowing river banks, which held your lifeforce,
are now polluted and drained.
Polluted by the poison, shot deep,
inside your withering viens.
You hideaway from the love,
that longs for you,
like dried up grass
pleading for cool summer rains.
Agonizing antagonistic demons,
chip away at your sanity,
demanding you to surrender
the final bit of sanity you possess.
As you struggle to remain afloat,
within heavily troubled waters,
I beg to be consumed by your beloved caress.
I agonize from your agony,
which hurts me
Im just another furture suicide
I was born to lose.
Take your hatefull mind
just dig my grave if it satisfies you.
I dont have a future
I don't have a soal anymore.
There is no love left inside of me.
To you Im just a broke down junkie whore.
Right now I have a gun to my head.
I wanna pull the trigger, but Im to much of a coward.
As if anyone cared anyway.
No one would miss me.
There is nothing I can offer.
To earn someones love.
No one needs me here.
To my mom Im just a useless pansey
Just a immoral queer.
My inside is empyty.
My existance is meaningless.
I never hated anyone except for myself.
I hate myself for being broken.
For being so useless.
My life isn't worth living.
My life isn't worth a dime.
No one will ever love me.
For the piece of shit I am inside.
Take your hatred out on me.
Thats all Im good for.
I will see you all in hell.
I hate everyone.
I always will.
You scar your beautiful self.
Even though your my only light in my darkness.
When you cut yourself you cut me as well.
I want to kill myself.
The only thing keeping me here is you.
Your all I love in this fucked up world.
I hold this blood stained razor blade in my hand.
It has cut into me many times before.
I ponder this as it slices through my skin.
as I feel the old familiar sting.
The poison is rushing through me veins.
I feel the buzz as my own blood rains.
Theres nothing left of me anyway.
Im dead inside.
Im thirteen, but I have no concept of childhood.
I never had a chance to live one, and I never will.
I live in this darkness my inner hell.
Locked in this prison forever in my torture cell.
There is no light, there is no blue sky.
There is just me, and me wanting to die.
I hate myself so much, and dont even know why.
I see all the kids play, and live carelessly.
I would die for a chance to just let go,
and set my mind free.
This blood stained razor blade is my only future.
I will live my life hurt, and I will die hurt.
Then I will be at peace six feet beneath the dirt.
Which is my future.
Its a silent night.
As my world dies.
Theres nothing left to say.
Other then goodbye.
Im to tired to fight.
To tired to speak.
To tired to say Im right.
To tired to give a fuck about my life.
I stare into the candle light.
As it burns down to nothing then fades away.
Just like my life does each and everyday.
Life Of Pain
She Brought me up just to let me down.
caressed my heart just so she could rip it apart.
Gave me some hope even though it was just in my dreams
proving to me nothing is as it seems.
She is just another person that has hurt me.
Just another painful memory.
In reality she was never really there.
Loved her to death as if she ever cared.
As I move on in my life of pain.
I guess I'm the only one who is to blame.
To think I will ever have happiness is nieve.
Somthing I should never ever belive.
I have been crying everyday.
The pain of heartbreak is hell.
My thoughts of you just cause this pain to swell.
MOre, and more, more and more.
As I sit here on the floor crying and writing.
The pain will always win whats the use of fighting.
Its just another heartbreak for me out of many.
just some more pain which I have plenty.
A Little Bit
A little bit of love.
A little bit of soal.
A little bit of heart.
Just be my friend until I grow old.
Never knew I needed anyone.
Until I Met You.
A little bit of pain.
A little bit of humility.
As I cry myself to sleep.
I don't expect any empathy.
Never knew I needed anyone.
Until I met you.
Never knew I needed anyone.
Until I met you.
I Love you.
Razor Tongued Devil
Your A Razor Tongued Devil.
Tryin To Break Me Down.
I Won't Let It.
My Soal Is Stronger Then Yours.
My Heart Will Beat Longer Then Yours.
My Love Will Be More Real Then Yours.
Your Just Another Noone That Everyone Ignores.
Forever You Will Be.
Forever In My Apathy.
Your In My Rearview Mirror.
As I See Things Cleaer.
Im Somthing You Will Never Be.
Darkness Is All I See.
Nothing, But Broken Hopes And Dreams Just Staring Back At Me.
Whether I Live Or Die Doesnt Mean A Thing.
Cuz I Have No Friends, And This Phone Will Never Fucking Ring.
Waiting For Someone To Be By My Side.
But To Them Im Just Another Meaningless Ride.
Is That All I Will Ever Be?
I Ask The Darkness Staring Back At Me.
I Get No Answers I Get No Empathy.
I choose to be who I wanna be.
You dont think I have the mind.
To make my own choices?
Bring me down with your invisible maturity.
When I see the truth staring back at me.
Your no more A man, then I am!
You just have more words to spit in my face!
I speak my mind as you do, but in your mind I'm wrong.
Whatever man I'm through with you.
Its my choices to be me.
That makes me free.