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Forum Description: A place to network and talk about curriculums, resources, legal issues, and other homeschooling concerns.
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Old 07-07-2005, 07:22 AM   #1
peacelovebarefeet
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socialization issues
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alright, so i am not homeschooled, but most of the people in my 4-H troop are.. and they really do not have social skills. i am open to everyone, and i accept them as people, but i dont think i would want to hang out with them on a regular basis, outside of 4-H. they just have problems making friends, and doing pretty simple things like sharing, and leadership skills.

this is why i am not so sure about homeschooling. i think if you are going to homeschool your child, you need to get them into playgroups (depending on the age, of course), recreational classes, you know, that sort of thing. but a lot of parents dont do these things, and their kids end up very antisocial with no "life" skills. i know i learned a lot in elementary school when i stood up to that bully, or i helped that girl with cerebal palsy get her school lunch. i know i am learning a lot in high school, about not gossiping, and respecting and standing up for the gays in my school.. i dont know.. i think its possible that homeschooled children are missing out on a lot. maybe not. i'll have to research it more.

i think seeing these girls makes me... a little apprehensive about homeschooling. i mean, i am only 16 years old, and i am NOT planning to have kids anytime soon, but when i do, i will have to weigh out the pros and cons of homechooling vs. public school.

but, for no reason think that i am against homeschooling.. i think it works for many many parents and children, but i also know that public school works pretty well too. i mean, im turning out okay, right?

i dont know, i just wanted to say that, see what you guys think. its basically just a bunch of ramblings...
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Old 07-07-2005, 04:17 PM   #2
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Hello.

Homeschooled kids can get just as much socialization as public schooled kids. It all comes down to the parents. What bothers me the most by your post is that you state that you wouldn't hang out with those girls outside of 4-h becuase they have trouble making friends. Well, that is part of the problem right there. I'm sure the trouble comes down to the fact that people assume things about them (like you did) and then don't give them a chance. If you never give people the chance, you'll never know what sort of friendships you miss out on. This goes both ways.

Socialization isn't about being stuck in a building with people your age for 7 hours during the day, it's about meeting all sorts of people throughout life and getting to experience a wide range of friendships with people of all ages. In public schools, kids tend to gravitate towards cliques and segregation. Homeschoolers tend to be more open about their friendships. This is just an observation I have made in my experiences.
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Old 07-07-2005, 04:44 PM   #3
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Our kids seem to do well, they have lots of friends, both homeschooled and public schooled. They play sports and take music lessons. We have been involved in homeschool groups before, though not currently. I think that my kids get more real socilization sice they are exposed to people of all ages and walks of life. However some hardcore christian homeschoolers do I think maybe shelter their kids too much and don't allow them to see other walks of life, but that is just my opinion based on what i have seen.
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Old 07-07-2005, 05:11 PM   #4
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Quote:

I'm sure the trouble comes down to the fact that people assume things about them (like you did) and then don't give them a chance
i was going to say the same thing

you know, the socialization issue is ALWAYS brought up. my kids have become MORE social since leaving public school. they've become more comfortable socializing with adults than they ever were before, they have friends of all ages they play with daily.

about the leadership issue... some people just aren't leaders. i'm not. i went to public school and i never learned to be a good leader. it just isn't in my personality.

and the sharing issue? i think that has nothing to do with homeschooling or public schooling... or any schooling at all. i think it has to do with how people are raised and taught at home AND the individual's personality. i know plenty of publicly schooled kids who have trouble sharing. my daughter has no trouble sharing... but my son can be territorial about his stuff, especially with people he doesn't know well enough to feel comfortable sharing with yet. i think as long as a person is polite in saying 'no, i don't feel comfortable sharing right now', they have every right not to share... as long as they are aware that by not sharing, other people probably won't be terribly open about sharing with them either. no one is obligated to share everything with everyone all the time.

and as i said in another post, i don't remember school being a place to socialize. i was always told 'you're here to learn, not socialize'. and when my daughter was in public school i had complaints from teachers that she was being too 'social... she needs to concentrate on her school work, not her social life'. the recess breaks she had in her school were barely time to do any real socialization either. the only socialization i see happening in schools is in the form of people learning their place in a social system.

and as a side note... there is a family of 4 here (three kids, one parent) that has forbidden my kids to play in their house or backyard (but they can play together at the park, go figure). why? because my kids are homeschooled and the mother doesn't want my kids to influence her kids in any bad ways because my kids aren't getting the proper social skills her kids are getting at public school. it isn't the first time we've been shut out when people learn we homeschool and it probably won't be the last until people educate themselves more on what homeschooling is all about and let go of stereotypes that are going around.

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Old 07-07-2005, 06:53 PM   #5
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well, i only said i did not want to hang out with them outside of 4-H because 1) many many times i have had an item, and they just grab it from my hands, expecting me to just give it to them. if i resist, they say "we dont know how to share!" what the hell?!
2) they are VERY VERY christian, and they are always trying to force their beliefs onto me, and i definately dont like that.

that being said, i HAVE hung out with them outside 4-H before, and it was... not good. they didnt know how to not be rude while asking questions. for example, my oldest brother, a few years ago, commited suicide. they know this, and at a quiet point in the conversation, in the middle of a restraunt, they shouted, "how did your brother commit suicide!? was it a gun to his head?! or perscription pills!?" i was outraged and embarassed. it is MY business, not the entire restraunts!

i dont know, ive always had the theory that their lack of knowing how to act in the "real world" stemmed from their lack of socialization skills from homeschooling. \

but who knows. maybe these 2 girls are just not the norm....
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Old 07-07-2005, 08:33 PM   #6
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I would respond to this last post by saying, "There are rude people everywhere." Just because these kids are homeschooled doesn't mean that they are thoughtless and tactless because they are homeschooled. I went through public school with a very embarrassing medical problem. All through school I was teased and ridiculed and people called me obnoxious embarrasing nicknames for the duration of my school career- even after the problem stopped. These kids were socialized so-to-speak but no one had taught them to be kind, polite, and accepting of others. In addition many who were kind when they were alone, went with the herd when they were part of a group. I believe that schools do very little to socialize kids into correct behavior. I worked in public school for a long time and teachers have this attitude that the mean kids are just mean, you can't stop it. They will continue being mean because it is who they are and there is only so far educators can go to quell the group think. If they do or say anything to change it it might make it worse for the ridiculed kids when teachers aren't watching, so for the most part, they shut up.
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Old 07-10-2005, 07:21 AM   #7
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Socialization never an issue
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There is not a problem with not enough socialization, as all of our homeschooling mainly invovles others such as our volunteer work, our groups that we participate in etc.
Sometimes we find that there is "too much socializing" for our comfort level and we feel the need to retreat and spend some quality time for ourselves.
We find where we are and the folks that we chose to hang with that they are pretty respectful of our choices in life and encourage my kids to grow and do what they are wanting to do.
Sometimes we find that there is folks in the "public school system " that are not as polite but we just make choices not to hang with them.
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Old 07-12-2005, 02:19 AM   #8
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Quote:
Originally Posted by peacelovebarefeet
well, i only said i did not want to hang out with them outside of 4-H because 1) many many times i have had an item, and they just grab it from my hands, expecting me to just give it to them. if i resist, they say "we dont know how to share!" what the hell?!
2) they are VERY VERY christian, and they are always trying to force their beliefs onto me, and i definately dont like that.
...
i dont know, ive always had the theory that their lack of knowing how to act in the "real world" stemmed from their lack of socialization skills from homeschooling. \

but who knows. maybe these 2 girls are just not the norm....
I don't think this rude behavior has anything to do with homeschooling. I think that these girls are just rude. Maybe thier parents haven't taught them manners, and I'm not sure that they would have learned them in school either, if they are still acting like this as teenagers. Sounds more like toddler behavior to me. *rolls eyes*

We were in a Christian homeschooling group and found some rude children, and some rude parents. I don't think it had anything to do with them being Christian, or with them being homeschooled. I think it had everything to do with parents that didn't value teaching manners. Please don't judge the majority of home educators (or Christians) on these examples.
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Old 07-23-2005, 10:38 PM   #9
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When I was younger, like 10, I went to a party and encountered a home schooled child there. He was so sure of himself, so outspoken and outgoing. He was like a 20 year old in a 8 year olds body. No lie. Made me jealous as that's the type of person I would have been and would be now if I had had the right kind of upbringing and nuturing enviroment.

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Old 07-25-2005, 07:20 PM   #10
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When my oldest daughter was in 2nd grade in public school, she was always in trouble for being a "social butterfly"...very outspoken,loud, leader type in her little group...always getting the other kids going.
When we decided to homeschool her she became a cooking teacher in her 4-H group, she helped out in a special olympics group and she had no problems talking /or just helping others in public. Alot of elderly would comment about how polite & helpful she was.
No matter where you get your education, you end up in the same place....out in the real world. Some parents & kids just aren't comfortable or just don't know how to deal with it.
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