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Forum Description: Discuss alternative ways of raising children.
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Old 05-04-2007, 12:08 AM   #1
barefoot_kirstyn
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hitting, spitting and biting
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well, I went to pick Leane up from her dayhome after school this afternoon and was told that she now bit one of the kids there. She doesn't normally bite, but has bit me once before when I was combing her hair.
As for the spitting, she's been doing that since she basically came out, which I told corrine (our daycare lady), but now it's aimed at the other kids. Now, all the kids are doing it to eachother, and the other parents are pissed. I told her I really have NO idea how to make it stop...not one clue!
And the hitting, she's been doing that for a while. I don't know what to do about that either. There were a few times that she up and wailed me and I had a breif laps in judgement and slaped her hand back. I know that doesn't work and I shouldn't have done it in the first place. My only other alternative for that was putting her in her room for a time out.
I really wish I could be home with her again so I could directly deal with this myself, but it's not financially feesable right now.
Does anyone have any suggestions? My daycare provider is out of ideas, too.
I mean, Leane is only 19 months old, and it's so hard to help them to understand that what they're doing is hurtful and not nice. So far, that's been mine and corrine's only solution, teach her that it's not nice and what is nice....apparently it's not working...
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Old 05-04-2007, 04:41 PM   #2
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if she bites or hits or spits at you again make a sad face (so its very noticeble) and tell her that she gave you an owy and that its not nice to do what she did. I did that with aidenwhenhe went through hit hit spit bite stage and it worked out great now whenever anyone gets a boo boo he goes up and give thema big hug and kiss. If she doesnt seem to be empathetic to your sad face and ouch that hurt maybe she is unable to understand what she did is wrong and hurtful.
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Old 05-04-2007, 06:32 PM   #3
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Biting - yeah, I haven't really got any ideas either. Neither of my kids bit more than once or twice & I ended up shrieking in pain before I had a chance to react calmly. (whoops!)

Hitting & spitting though, I dealt with too. For hitting, my son quit when he smacked his best friend in the face... the poor kid was so stunned he just sat there bawling & my son was SO remorseful he rarely hit after that. (until a few years ago... now we're dealing with it AGAIN!) My daughter was a bit different. She somehow figured that hitting people would get their attention. And it did, but it was negative. But somehow ignoring her while she was pounding on people didn't seem right. So what I finally ended up doing was immediately going over & holding onto both of her hands (not squeezing, but not letting her break free either) and telling her "You MUST be gentle with your hands!" Then I would redirect her to an appropriate toy or project to do with her hands. It wasn't perfect, but it did eventually sink in.

My kids spit too... until they were about 2 or 2 1/2. Is it that she's spitting AT people that is bothering the other parents, or that their kids have picked it up too? If it's that they're spitting AT kids, perhaps you could teach her something else she could do instead... like making a super goofy grin?!? She's at that age where she'll mimic just about anything, so a new "attention grabber" might just work for her.

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Old 05-11-2007, 01:19 PM   #4
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My youngest, 19 months has also recently been pinching and biting. I have tried to teach his older brother who is 4 that when the baby is biting or pinching to try to distract him by tickling him and making him laugh. I find that the baby pinches and bites when we are out on walks, they are riding in the stroller together, and maybe he is getting bored. This way it turns it into more of a silly game. I also do speak firmly directly to his face and tell him that was a no no and he is making ouchies!
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Old 05-12-2007, 11:50 PM   #5
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thanks for the relplies
I talked with corrine the next day and she was a little more understanding about it. I kinda stressed to her that Leane is still really little and is trying to understand what's wrong and what's right. She actually admitted that her son used to spit and smack people all the time, too.
She hasn't bit since...and I made damn sure to tell corrine the next day that Leane ONLY has bitten in the past when she's been REALLY provoked. Biting was wrong, but the other kid instigated it for sure.
Leane is a great kid, she's still learning, though.
In the last few weeks, the spitting (at home anyway) has really gone down to a minimum and we make sure to tell her that it's not nice to spit in people's faces, adn she basically stops right then.
She's still hitting, but it's actually turned into more of a "gay man's slap" than a hit. lol, I hate to use that analogy, but instead of winding up and wacking someone, she kinda flails her wrists and lightly taps. I still tell her that it's not nice cuz I know she''s still trying to hit. That's just something we're going to have to keep working on.
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Old 05-13-2007, 12:38 AM   #6
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my mom does daycare and whenever she has had problems with kids hitting she just tell them to "touch nice" and shows them with there hand how to do that.... a while back she had a set of twins in her daycare and they bit occasionally, but then she taught them to give kisses instead and then we would clap for them when they would give kisses, eventually it got to the point of them going up and kissing someone instead of biting them and then they would clap for them selfs. it was adorable. goes to show you how much praise helps kids learn.
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Old 05-13-2007, 03:17 AM   #7
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Set up a token system. tell her if she does not hit/spit/bite in a day, then she gets a sticker to put on to a chart that you can make for her. after she recieves a sticker for "x" amount of days, then do something special with her. if she does not behave in that day, then she does not get the sticker. makes sure you describe each behavior and consequence clearly. also, talk to her about how it makes her feel to do these behaviors and go over some of the feelings the victims may experience. explain to her that it is her choice to feel happy/upset, but she needs to express these feelings in an appropriate way that does not harm others. Good luck mama!
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Old 05-14-2007, 09:28 PM   #8
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bumble, that advice is really great, but Leane is only 19 months old and really can't express any of those things yet.
cae~we've been doing things like that with her and it's worked pretty well. That was kinda where that "gay man's slap" thing came that I was talking about, where it's more light and wavy than a hit. She kinda acts like she's petting someone when she does it. Much nicer.
As the weeks go on, she's getting better. It's just improving the communication and getting her to understand us, and us to understand her.
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Old 05-15-2007, 06:52 PM   #9
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Thanks!you'd be surprise what children can understand.
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Old 05-15-2007, 07:23 PM   #10
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oh, i know that she can understand a lot of what we tell her and ask her. I do ask her why she feels like she needs to hit, etc, but she really doesn't get what I'm asking yet. It'll just take some time. Like I said, a lot of it is starting to make sense to all of us now as she's getting older and able to get what we're trying to communicate. That is my biggest hurdle with the dayhome, since most of the kids there are older than 3 and I thought that maybe corrine was forgetting that Leane couldn't understand as much as they can.

The only thing that I was thinking about yesterday as we were leaving the dayhome was that Leane cannot talk and tell corrine when she's been hurt. For example, she wanted to get up on this one boat toy and play with the boys who were already sitting in it. The one kid grabbed her hand a slapped it, and corrine never even knew. Leane just looked hurt and walked away. But if she would have hit that kid, corrine would have heard about it right then and there, and again, Leane would have been in time out. ARG, I hate this. I cannot stand the fact the Leane is ignored and blamed for things which are only done in defense. In all honesty, I don't blame her for swacking the kids back sometimes if she's being hit all the time and nothing is being done about it.
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