sometimes, i just want another damaged inner child to play with

[Advaya]

When i was a child, regardless of the shit that was going on independently of my grandfathers house where i could be a child, i had a very carefree childhood, i mean it was like it was two difference existences, and when i think about it, all i want is to be able to have blanket forts and pretend i can fly, and occupy myself with next to nothing, and have such a free mind. I was a happy child, it was when i began to think that the problems began. Retrospect, more than "as it happened". If I could neglect thinking, or at least free the part of me that knowledge sent into such severe hiding, i would feel so much better.

knowledge told me innocence and corruption don't exist simultaniously, one can not be both innocent and corrupted, and until i realized society and all said it was impossible, i had been living such an impossiblity.

it's not knowledge i wish to give up, but i want the part that plays (and hides) to re-emmerge so it can be healed, or at least loved.
Because, i don't feel it can be loved where it is

I feel like that part of me was just abandoned at such a speed that it never adjusted or had time to get ready, it's like places that are abandoned with the furniture still in it. I wasn't ready, it wasn't ready, it still exists, and it's terrified.
but i can't even free that part of me alone or in the dark, it's so afraid. I just wonder what it takes, for it to come out.

I mean, sometimes it does. a part of me went into hiding at 5, 6 years old without growing or changing naturally just abandoned or hurried away, like it was embarassing or a nuisance.
it's why i watch childrens movies and it's why the giving tree makes me cry and it's why i demand the things i demand.

sometimes i just want another damaged inner child to play with, someone i can be five years old with no matter how old i am.

[AutumnsMoonChild]

I have the same wish...

[nomad12]

While it is good to have one to regress back to your earlier years with be careful. That was a big problem in my first marriage. We would go back and forth and at times it was hard for us to take one another seriously when the time came for that.

[Lemongait]

I've always felt exactly the same way. There's nothing I'd love more than to find somebody like that.

[HoneySuckleBlue]

That is such a poignant wish:)

I feel like my husband and I are like that, but more like 10 year olds, heehee we like to fool around.

He came from an abusive family and was shipped off to fostercare and a boys ranch, then yanked out just as he was getting to know people.
I came from a very loving family, but we had no roots and moved all the time. I was molested when I was little and drank alot, then I was engaged to an abusive alcoholic for three years and had just fled when I met Rich.

We both have just wanted a stable home and he needed to learn to accept the love I have to give and I needed to learn how to give it freely and unconditionaly...so it all worked out.

It was very hard the first 12 years because we had so much to work through ego wise and getting to a place where we could accept each other beyond all of our expectations and conditioning. But it's coming around now and this spring will be fourteen years and it is so worth everything we've been through. We have grown so much.

The vunerabiltiy and tenderness that our damaged inner children can experience is soso sweet, because it is almost excrutiating and we value it so much more because it was so hard won. It's exciting to know we have the rest of our lives to fine tune our relationship and play together.:)


Good luck on your search, you may find them in the strangest of places.