staying inside me pad forever

[joker]

i almost want to stay inside of my apartment forever. i would only leave to go buy food, booze, pack of cigarettes, books, and maybe a cd. i've about had it with people. i got harassed by some religious freaks last night. i had to say a blessing just to get them to leave me alone. i ran into them on the street corner about a block from where i live. i was walking back from the store. they approached me and followed me back to my apartment. they wouldn't get out of my way until i would say one of their blessings. i wanted to start decking them in the face, but there were two things that would've came of that. 1: I was outnumbered, so there's a good chance that i would've probably got my ass kicked. 2: I wouldn't be typing this thread right now cause I'd be in jail for assault. I said the blessing so they would go away. then they gave me some cd to put in my diskman. this is real funny to me what happend while the cd was in my diskman. it was skipping and one of the guy says jesus cast this witch craft away. people in my neighborhood offer me crack. i don't live in a ghetto, but it's a poor neighborhood. if there's any serious crime i'd say it's drug dealing and fights. i think the guys tryin to get me to try crack are dealers and they know that i live off disability. my theroy behind the crack thing is for them to get me hooked on it and call me the first of the month cause the addiction for crack would make me blow my check on the drug. i tried talking to this chick a few days ago and i could tell she was blowin me off while askin her questions so i said fuck it. then when i returned to the establishment the owner told me don't talk to our customers anymore cause u disturbed that chick. "she doesn't have to like me, but she could've been nicer about letting me know instead of talking shit behind my back." wtf. she acts like i'm the one being rude. part of all this stuff i've mentioned makes me both sad and angry in a way. i was very hurt when the guy at the skate shop metioned that to me. right now i feel such intense hatred. i don't find my med's to be helping me. i'd say they just keep me from doing destructive things. i can't get rid of the depression or the suicidal fantasies away cause i'm allergic to anti depressants. the only time i'm feeling good about myself is when i drink some booze. is isolation the answer?

[NatureFreak412]

If you dont want to be around people then yeah. But theres loads of shit you can do to have fun and keep your mind off depression.

Online computer games are awesome, or just computer games in general, or find some local heads and go chill and smoke a doobie.

[NatureFreak412]

People can be brutal, I would rather live in a tribe out in the middle of some woods than deal with the shit in society.

I know chicks like the one you are talking about, they are everywhere, this world is too full of people like that.

[joker]

i'm gonna dedicate my time to reading and screwing around on my computer. maybe it'll help me keep my mind off depression.

[Aprilshower]

I have felt the same way before now, about wanting to close myself off to everyone, so I see where you are coming from. Have you got parents around, siblings or other relatives you can talk to? What about your friends?

[joker]

I have felt the same way before now, about wanting to close myself off to everyone, so I see where you are coming from. Have you got parents around, siblings or other relatives you can talk to? What about your friends?
I live on my own and have a father and mother in my city, but no friends. it sux.

[MattInVegas]

I'm in the same boat as YOU Joker. I'm starting to hate humans.
At least, those who live near me. I prefer to stay home, drunk, and stoned and alone.
For company, I watch TV shows like Jeopordy, "American Chopper" on Discovery, And I come here on my computer.
The thing IS, man, that ya gotta get some UV rays and some excercise
just to keep the blood flowing.
Don't let your muscles turn to MUSH!

[Soberbeah]

Hit a punching bag. Do it for as long as you can; it'll rid your mind a little bit of aggression. And go to a fucking show; I mean Crass sucks, but a nice anarchist like yourself should be able find at least one. Or just burn shit.

[HammerTuane]

Im at the point of dying to meet people because iv'e been at home a lot in the last 3 years ..but seem to be lacking confidance
If you stay in too long you might not wanna go out again
or you might ... but find you can't
just thought id mention that
maybee you could move to a cool place man
Good luck anyways

[CrucifiedDreams]

I felt like I was reading my own story in many ways. I'm right in that boat with you, unfortunatly I'm not sure what to tell you, becuase I don't even know how to get myself out of it. I think isolation can work to an extent, but I don't think people are ment to be alone ALL the time.

[Joey*]

I totally understand.
I've been going thru the same isolation for years now.
Really did'nt know what to do.
Most times I would go out I'd end up angry,disguisted,and hopeless.

I've been extremely fortunate,as fate had it.
I met a woman,totally unexpected and by chance.
She's very much like me.
At first it was really tough we lived 2 hours away did'nt get to see her much.I was very concerned since she has 3 kids.Over time I got attached to everyone and when my landlord was being a bitch with the electric and hot water (eventhough I was paying my rent),I called her to crash there for awhile.I decided to stay.It's a ton of responsibility but the love we all share together makes it worth it.
My point is that I'm still the same I stay at home as much as possible,I read,and spend lots of time on the computer when I'm not running after the kids or doing something.I listen to tons of music and just am happy with what I have.I don't care if people don't understand and are generally idiots cause' I do my own thing.I do get greatly pissed at the bullshit happening in our world,whether it's people being robot idiots or people dying from war etc etc.
I try to create whatever happyness I can with what's here.Eventhough I get entirely irratated at things outside,I'm mostly happy inside.There is so much I can't control.
Live and let live or better put live and let others be idiots.Either way I'm gonna live.I prefer to be at home.Here I have all I want and need,for the most part.Life ain't all rosey for sure but wtf I just want to be happy the hell with those who don't respect that.
Hang in there.Hope it gets better.
If you're happier at home be at home,the only danger is driving yourself crazy.Be careful.
Good Luck.