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[crazed_insomniac]

hi

ive never started a thread in a forum before, or shown my poems to any one, but i really wanted to get my work out there. so i need your opinions. be as blunt as you like, tell me if you think their deep, or you think im a moron, repeating platitudes.
So here are three poems, from about 100 that ive written.




Betrayal



Two tongues to kiss.

Two knives to twist.

My girl, and my best friend



Three hearts to Beat

One mind to cheat.

Please guys, don’t pretend



Too tired to yell.

Too bad I fell.

Oh why could I, not see



Too low down to care.

Too real to be fair.

But why, did it happen to me?







Untitled



Misery, Deception, Rain.

I’m a prolific poet,

When I,m in pain



Perfectly Laconic

Hope is Hopeless,

How ironic.





Dark Hymns



Dark hymns of pain,

Emerge again.

It will Heal,

Yet scars Remain



Not asleep at night,

Not awake in days.

The sun is gone,

Out comes the haze



Not asleep,

But always dreaming.

Going through a life,

That has no meaning



P.S. please excuse spelling/grammar mistakes.

[TrippinBTM]

Not bad, in my humble opinion I'd say you have definite potential. You should try to expand on your ideas more. Explain why hope is hopless, for example. Don't worry about rhyming everything all the time, never let that take over content or flow. I love a well rhymed poem, but when it's not well done, it sounds kinda lousy. Keep writing, and hopefully keep posting.

Oh, and you shouldn't ask to be excused for spelling and grammar mistakes. I didn't notice any, but if they're there, you should fix them.