Yup! I've Got It All, Folks...

[~Sam~]

I've got a horse who's jealous of the goats and can't get out of his stall to re-establish the pecking order according to his liking. So after I had just fed him a handful of carrot pieces this morning, he was wagging his head in Kai's direction, trying to get the little goat away from me and him, and in his state of upsettedness... he bit me on the thigh. I yiped; "Ow! You bit me! What'd ya do that for?" And then I cried a little... He Was very sorry, and put his head over my shoulder and hugged me closer to him with his chin on my back.

I think it's the carrots and apples that's doin' it. But they are so good for all of them that I'm not going to stop handing them out. When I go in to do chores, morning and night... I say; "Buy the Barn! Carrots and Apples all around."

Kenny helps with chores in the evening... he fills water buckets and does some other stuff, but mostly he sits in a chair and keeps me company. Did I mention that he watches and weighs everything that's going on around me when I have my back to the critters? Well, he does. I just really found this out because his opinions on the way I run "My Barn" are really weighing in on the helpful side lately. And I'm thinking about what he says and putting his ideas into practice where and when I can.

Since this incident of Kai breaking his leg, things have sort of gotten out-of-hand. Raven is "acting-out" his frustrations in not so good ways, and I've been pulling my hair trying to understand just how to deal with it.

The night before, when I put his halter on and led him from the pasture to the barn, he nearly pushed me over and wouldn't walk "where a horse is supposed to walk." Well, not really knowing how to discipline him, I yanked on the lead rope and yelled at him. Wrong. This only made matters worse, so I had to re-think the whole damned business.

Then, while he was eating his grain and I was putting Joline up on the milk stand, Raven was doing his horse version of "You'd better go eat some place else" posturing. So I closed his stall door thinking that it would make him more comfortable and more secure by being separated. Wrong.

Re-thinking my part in this whole living drama is one of the toughest things I've done lately. I thought that I had it reasonably together. But when it comes down to it... I'm not the Boss here. I'm a part of a small herd whose members work on herd behavior. Meaning that co-operation is vital to survival. I'm also a predator animal, while they are prey animals. So the whole damned thing is unnatural from the get go. I realize this and keep it up on the "Now Screen" most of the time.

But, "how to deal with the horse." Look it... he weighs about 1,000 lbs. I weigh 122 lbs. There is no way in hell that I can push him around. If I do that, the only thing that I'll prove is that he Is much stronger than I.

Am I supposed to be a leader that he can depend on? Probably. But I don't really have a clear picture in my mind of what I want him to do. How can I ask him to do something that I haven't got a clear mental picture of to send to him? Can't.

I should go on and take some riding lessons. Don't like to go out and deal with the outside world at that level, but I think maybe I'll have to. Otherwise I'm going to be kicking myself around for being a failure for quite a while.

Yesterday morning when I put him out in the pasture, I stayed with him. I'm glad I did because I would have missed an oppotunity to develop our fragile relationship.

This is what I think happened to Kaibab last wednesday when he broke his leg: When our part-time neighbor came up to play gentleman farmer, he drove his tractor into the muck near the creek and got it stuck. He's the kind of person who thinks of women as objects and not as thinking beings. nuf said. So, rather than go for help to get it unstuck, he dug himself in real good by backing up and pulling forwards. He had a brush hog on the back of the tractor to boot! Clank! Bang! Clank, Clank! Bang, Bang, Boom! is what I heard from over on the other side of the road where I was taking pictures. Then I saw the great cloud of black diesel smoke he was puttin' up. No wonder my boy-boys freaked the fuck out.

Raven tells me that they were on the otherside of the stream when the noise started. One big noise scared him ,and he and Kaibab ran for the bridge. Kai's leg went through the space between the planks and it snapped. Raven tried to stand over the little guy until I came to help, but I didn't come for so long that he just lost it and gave up on me.

Now... yes now, I understand what's upsetting Raven so much. I introduced him to this little goat and he bonded with him almost immediately. Next day this, the above, happens and I have to take Kai away from him and he doesn't understand any of it. He's just so lonely and confused and it's breaking my heart.

I spent a lot of time here yesterday looking for farms or ranches that sell Ponies or Standard Donkeys. I'm working on fixing the problem, but Raven doesn't know this... yet.

Back to the re-thinking part. I know that I jump around a lot, and I apologize.

Where was I? Oh yes... Standing in the pasture with Raven. And who pulls into their place but the neighbor and his new wife. Up goes Raven's head and fear comes into his eyes. The neighbors walk down into the adjoining pasture and Raven literally comes to stand on top of me with all kinds of questions.

Geeze Louise! I guess I did what comes naturally to me, I took some deep breaths and mellowed. I talked to him, the same as I'm talking with you, in a soft voice. I stroked his neck. He listened to me, and when he had another question I was there for him. Right!

Then I had to go. He raced ahead of me and stopped dead, crosswise in front of me to keep me from going away. Talk about breaking my heart... an All day he was alone again. The flies are so bad too.

When Kenny finished mowing up the hill last evening and I could let those wuzzie girls out of the barn again, it was about quarter til nine... Late.



Continued below...

[~Sam~]

I donno. I thought that I would try the; "whatever happens, let it happen... without punishment" method.

Picking up Raven's halter and lead rope off a nail in the barn, I calmly walked down to the pasture gate. Raven was down by the stream but saw me coming. He ran hell bent for election up to the gate and came to a sliding stop.

Knocking my arm as I tried to put his halter on, I knew I was in for it. I kept my mellow though, and when I opened the gate and he ran past me, pushing me out of his way, I just stood there calmly holding the end of his lead rope. He didn't go to the end of it, he circled and put his head down to eat the 'greener grass' on this side of the gate. "What was that all about?" I asked him. He snorted back at me and I chuckled.

Walking him up to the barn, it was stop and go when he wanted to eat some grass. He was trying to step on my foot at the same time, deliberately too I might add. He was being a bad boy, he knew it and I knew it, but that's the way it was last night.

Now he's been watching me go to the goat-side of the barn, to bring Ebony, Joline and Rosemary over one at a time and put them up on the milk stand. And when I stopped him from rushing past me and into the barn last night, we stood outside for a while watching Kenny come down the hill on the tractor. Figuring he was calmed down enough for us to proceed into the barn and into his stall, I gently pulled on the lead rope. I got through the door first, but didn't stay there for long... he went right past me and turned into the milking area! He almost got his big body into the area... when across the low wall and alleyway, the Goat's heads All came up in alarm! Holy Smokers!!! He was so startled that he nearly hit His head on the ceiling.

Still remaining calm, I stroked his neck and whispered; "Easy boy, easy" and backed him out into the aisle and then walked him into his stall. Whew!

We finished chores while listening to a classic rock station, turned off the lights and came back to the house to collapse into bed....

Lighting another bowl, Kenny and I talked about what was going on and how, exactly, I was gonna deal with it. He pointed out that Raven was extrememly jealous of the goats... when I give them carrots before I give some to him... when I hug them and they hug me back after I milk them... when Kai comes over and stands next to me... When Annie stands with me... and all the rest of what's been happening to him since he left his home farm in Kentucky... Gosh.

I cry when I think about the rough treatment he's received for merely being a thinking animal. But I figure it's gonna take time and a whole lot of patience and understanding to overcome this. That, I've got. Knock on wood, I do.

We'll wait then... for the right pasture buddy to show up in answer to our outgoing energy calls. I have to give that time too. And I have to figure out just how I want this to work. What I want to ask of him... what I want to see happen with him.

Time, yes. So I'll just Be here and be mellow, let the frozen river of time flow past us and wait to see what comes out of the aethers of our mutual desires and needs.

Mayhap, when the book I just ordered gets here, I can pick and choose the ways that seem to be needed here from it. It's called, The Tao of Equus. The Way of the Horse. I'll share some of the things that I read with you if appropriate, No?

For now though, I'm gonna put on some shoes, comb my teeth and brush my hair and truck my body out into the heat of the day. Have to go to the mill for grain, and to the store for some grub for din-din.

Be talkin' at'cha soon. Be good... an stay cool in this heat will ya?

Love,
Sam

[~Sam~]

06/10/04

Last evening's chores went real smooth like. When I walked into the barn, the very first thing that I did was to go and stroke Raven on his neck and whisper to him. He likes that, the whispering. He lowers his head to mine and puts his ear up real close and just spaces out.

After I finished milking each goat, I gave him a chunk of apple before I gave to anyone else... and when I hugged the girls and put them back in the pen... I went to him to talk and gave him a rub on the neck. This seemed to calm him and probably made him feel like more a part of what's going on.

Four days ago, I stopped feeding him the Primo alfalfa hay that I was giving him and am now feeding him a grass mix hay. I do declare that this Hot Hay was the root of his acting like a Thoroughbred.

We'll see if this is a trend or just a one night stand. I see you guys later.

Sam