me and esctasy

[interval_illusion]

i would go too long into this because it'll make me upset.

ive done MANY, MANY drugs. in the past 2 or 3 yrs., not many.

anyways, i did e for years and well...

it's my fav. drug ever....there is NOTHING like it and it's relatively safe too.

(trust me i could go on and on, but i dont have it in me cause i could write a freakin book)

but now- my (small) issue...

i can hardly bear to talk or read about it. my rolling/raving days were the best days of my life. i devolped the BEST relationships then (that i stiiiiiilll have), learned to dance, FEEL music, be open-minded....

WELL, i cant think about rolling because it makes me SAD. i cant really roll anymore. it takes waaaaaaaaaaay too many pills.

i understand MDMA has it's purpose. my purpose has been served. i just want my first roll again.

is this bad?

it isnt PHYSICALLY addictive, but here i am, all these years later and its better then the 25 ish other drugs ive done......

and the memories.

[Jetblack]

i dont think its bad, if all u had where good times on E then it seems like thats all ur doing is remembering the good times u had but they r associated with E, it doesnt sound like you are addicted either mentally or physically so u seem fine relax :)

[mmelody]

I know EXACTLY how you feel. I did E over a two year period and had some of the best experiences of my life during that time. We were three couples and all really good friends at the time...It was amazing, the friendship, the laughter, the freeness and bond that was created around E.

I swear no other drug has ever come close to the sensation E gave me. But like all good things it has to come to an end....I could no longer balance the party lifestyle with parenthood and a full time job, some of my friends moved away and others just moved on.
Its been 4 years since I really did E and I too miss the good times that were had...I suppose for me it was always knowing that "every" night on E was a good one. Like you though...the sheer quantity I was using was just no longer practical and the unpleasant effects became more prominent. (mid week blues).
I dont miss it so much now...but there are times when i think id really like to do some again and am sure if the oppourtunity arose then i would...I dont think i would ever be able to recreate the time i had then though...its like chasing the past...and to be honest im not sure i would want to. Though initially...i really grieved and felt quite empty for a number of months..
I will always dabble in drugs...I mainly do a little shrooming and am quite up for trying the vast range of other psychoactive substances. I keep telling myself that I will do E for a special occasion..like a birthday etc...but it hasnt happened yet...
I will always be a party girl at heart...just cherish and remember the good times...there will be many more...just different.

[Josh-e]

Remember E is fake and you need to find true happiness, take up some new hobbies, go travelling or something.

I loved getting pilled up when I was younger but it isnt going to happen anymore you have to move on and deal with it :( those that continue to abbuse E end up a complete mess.

[Alexandria]

Yeah, I really miss my E days. I get sad when I think about it because it feels like those days are pretty much over....for the most part anyway. The last couple of times the pills I got were really shitty and it just felt like 'yeah, well, its about time I stop anyway.' All good things must come to an end..........untill the next pill ;)

[interval_illusion]

in the past three years, ive rolled two or three times. STILL had to eat like 4 or 5 decent pills to really ROLL.... anyways, it was fun.... went to these outdoor parties in bmore with my husband and my best friend, jeremy and our friend bill... part of the old crew.

it was LIKE old times but it wasnt.

when ever i roll anymore, it's very blurry (didnt used to be) and um, i used to love the feelings of my eyes rolling back in my head, backrubs, vicks, my JAW.... but now, its almost kinda sickening to me and i got extremly cranky afterwards (i had bad pms at the time too)....

but anyways, ill prolly roll again someday. if the time is right. if not, i wont.

i dont really think about rolling that much but when i do it fills me with this almost sickening sad feeling.

[Jetblack]

"use the drug, dont let it use u" it looks like the drug mite of used u....

[Alexandria]

when ever i roll anymore, it's very blurry (didnt used to be) and um, i used to love the feelings of my eyes rolling back in my head, backrubs, vicks, my JAW.... but now, its almost kinda sickening to me and i got extremly cranky afterwards (i had bad pms at the time too)....

Thats exactly how I have felt for about the past 2 years on rolls. I used to have so much fun with all the 'toys' and the backrubs and kissing but probably about the last 2 years its like when I am rolling just leave me alone and dont touch me. I just want to listen to music and dance around and be in my own little world. I would always be the one to bring body paint and glow sticks but would be the only one who didnt use any. One thing I love to do though still is 'yokes' and I know that is so bad. I could do them over and over....but thank goodness I have smart friends who always remind me that I dont want to end up brain dead. Oh geez! I need to shut up........I am remembering all this stuff now talking about it and I just dont want to go there......you probably know what I mean.

[interval_illusion]

yokes? not to sound dummm, but is that nitrious? i LOVE nitrous while rolling.

and yeah! that's how it was for me last time... my friends and these 3 girls we met all wanted backrub lines and stuff a lot (we had a blanket out there) and all i wanted to do was MOVE THE FUCK AROUND, dance.... walk, etc.

[Alexandria]

You probably know what 'yoking' is but under another name. Its when you bend foward and breathe in and out real heavy, progressing in speed and then you quickly stand up, a friend cuts off your airway (with their hands on your neck) and you loose conciousness for mabye 10 seconds. Then when you "come too" it is like the craziest feeling you have ever felt in your life...it is like being on another planet. I dunno, I cant explain it better than that....but you probably know what I am talking about....if you dont then I am sure that sounds way crazy and stupid...it is....but it is the most intense thing you will ever experience in your life. Nitreous is awesome too....but it isnt the same feeling.:) oh, unless mabye you have passed out doing nitreous....then I guess it is the same thing. I dunno, I have never passed out from a whip it.

[interval_illusion]

believe it or not ive never done that while rolling....

and ive done a lot of things. hmmm

i did pass out from nitrious though.... altho it wasnt from a whip-it of course... it was from a big, fat balloon from a tank.

speaking of whip-its though, we used to go into this ghetto grocery stores while we were still rolling and do like 5 canisters each and then walk out. crazy. cant believe we got away with that.

[Alexandria]

Hmmm...mabye the store clerk was too fucked up to notice. :)
man, talking about this shit brings up so much stuff, doesnt it?
Like stuff that I just try not to think about often because it makes me sad that I am not in that moment and probably wont have another one like it anytime soon.

I dont wanna talk about it anymore! *pouts and runs away*

J/K......hehehe:)

[interval_illusion]

i know what you mean. one time when i was rolling really hard about 8 months before i pretty much stopped at this GREAT party...the moment was perfect. reidspeed was spinning... there were 5 of all, all happy... you could feel the posititive vibes everywhere..... and i said "moment in a bottle"- got a "what?" and i said....

the best thing would be to capture a moment (this moment or others that are the same) in a bottle and drink it when you're depressed to go back.

ahhhhh

[DarkLunacy]

How far between are your rolls... I may be wrong but it sounds like you were a frequent user and were taking it every weekend. This builds up tolerance very quickly dont you think? It also doesnt give your body time to properly heal but I'm not going to lecture you. Damage is done.

[interval_illusion]

i rolled for um...

well i first rolled when i was 17 (almost 18).... im 23 now.

at first i rolled a lot but low dosage of pills. then i cut it down.

since 20 it's been like once a yr. if that.

[RivertranceJamGirl]

Ive noticed people refer to this as an "E Honeymoon"....whre you get in to it, and can never go back to that spot. Remember erowid.org experience vaults stories. It just seems like everyone who is starting to use E, should read up on all these experience stories and read posts like this. To save your body and brain the "honeymoon" and try to stretch it out over time. I guess thats the key....even then, you can see the pattern and it will probably not be as exciting one day....STill, Im trying to let this experience with E stretch out over time. I try to make the times really special, like a special music event where the vibes are right, and hold the experience in for as long as possible without doing another pill. Like 6 months! after 12 e's over 4 years, things are still going good.

But Hey! thats not always the case....its tough to do, and I admit being a bit older it was easier...but I suggest you just learn from all those opening experiences and find a fun dancing music scene that doesnt revolve around E so much (everyones doing something different type thing) and get inspiration from the times you had, and live by it in real time. The contact high lasts forever!

[DarkLunacy]

Damn extasy is depressing... Knowing you will eventually lose it and never get it back...

[interval_illusion]

thanks that was good advice and all, but i havent rolled in almost a year....


i hardly ever think about it but on the occasion that i do, i get sad about it.

[serra]

that is sad that you feel that way, but i hear what you mean when you say that it has served it's purpose.


correct me if i am wrong here, but doesn't a tolerance go away if you don't use it for a while?? i know that happens with booze and pot for me (like now i can drink like three drinks and be pretty hammered but when i was 18 i could drink you under the table!)

maybe you can drop again someday.

[dirty hippie]

i have done E 3 times over a span of.....9 months. from the sounds of things, it sounds like i rule at drug consumption.

[Shmee]

There is a first for everything... Remember my first experience. I was over at a friends house and we all decided to drop. Friends of my friends sister were over and thats where the pills came from. These were kids that were 17, going to an alternative public school, and making more money selling drungs than most make doing an honest job. These were the kids that supplied the majority of drugs in north detroit. They were almost ledgends or ghosts. If it wasn't for these kids, i would never have known what MDMA was, much less tried it..

Now to the meat of the story.

Was waiting for the pills to take effect and for some reason I decided to go outside, a ciggarette maybe. .

This gorrila of a man and a good friend of mine were engaged in a verbal disagreemt and it suddenly got physical. The gorrila's name was Kyal. He had a reputation in oakland country that was bigger than an aroused stallion. His frieds said it was a chemical imbalance. This mother fucker was craziier than a hatter. Literally I felt I needed to tip-toe if I had to walk by him, because shuffling feet might have rubbed him the wrong way. He was a violent indivisual, with a short temper. Many said he was just a bofyguard to the kids that made our area click So he almost killed my fruend in the back of an SUV...

He screamed at my buddy, maybe a quarter inch seperated my buddy's face from the silver backs in the back of a subborin .. and he was


A

Anyway...he idolized my friends sister

[trippedelia]

wha, well, wah, pardon?

[StonerBill]

shit i thought this was the first page of the thread and this really messed with me

[trippedelia]

damn man me too, me too.

[PsyGrunge]

just a few points i wanna voice my opinion on as an ecstasy user of 5 years (i quit last month, reasons why are on my myspace videos - http://www.myspace.com/metalheadmedic)

1. - it's relatively safe too
2. - i devolped the BEST relationships then (that i stiiiiiilll have), learned to dance, FEEL music, be open-minded....
3. - WELL, i cant think about rolling because it makes me SAD.
4. - i understand MDMA has it's purpose. my purpose has been served. i just want my first roll again.well, i started 5 years ago, gave up for a year and a half when i felt like how you're feeling now. time passed, memories haunted me (coz i just wanted to feel like that again) and life moved forward. about 7 months ago, i started again with a group of friends i'd never rolled with before. we hit the same pills for 6 months straight (paula sharks) which included a 2 week long binge. thinking back the memories are upsetting coz u just wana be in that position again. i found ecstasy effected me on a personal level and affected how i am with friends i rolled with, a certain inability to bond properly. and it also fucked with my trails of thought too much.

1. - ecstasy certainly isn't relatively safe. there are so many different types of pills that are mixed with shit (pill filler) just to make it up to look like a proper E. the safest E's (from experiences) are white doves and purple butterflies (which felt like pure mdma). in some cases, you can get 2 ecstasy pills that look exactly the same but will have comletely different effects. MDMA is relatively safe, but ecstasy pills aren't.

2. - my already existent friendships were only ever intensified while on ecstasy but when i came down, all insights and thoughts slowed back down, and the next day the sheer outrageousness of the comedown (i'd take 5+ to buzz the night away) just fucked everything up. i admire you for keeping friends you rolled with! E has deffo made me dance, feel the music, and temporarily opened my mind (which lasts for a few days afterwards) but for me it's always fucked with friendships and social attitude.

3. - at the end of the day it's all chemicals, none of it is natural. It's all manufactured chemically induced hapiness within. It turns you into a robot. The insights, perceptions and feelings you get on E may last a few days after your buzz but eventually they'll fade away and I for one take a week or so to fully get back to myself coz 3 or so days after a drop i am mentally unstable, dunno wot i'm doing and get really fucking down (one reason i've fucked them off). thinking about the buzz during this week (when my mind's stuk in rewind) is cool, but as soon as all the chemicals get outta my system i tend not to think about past times on E, ever.

4. i felt like that, wanted that first experience again. can i ask what is the longest period of time you've been without E since u started takin em on a regular basis? i gave them up for a year and a half, and that triple drop 7 months ago gave me a buzz out of this world, it may of even topped my first buzz. it's coz of your tolerance, and coz u need so many to come up i don't reckon u touch em for a coulple of years or so, let the tolerance drop and your body get back to itself. then, if u decide to drop again, you'll fucking know about it. the magic will return.

i've had my fun with E though, i tend to stick to pot and (now n agen) shrooms n acid and, of course, alcohol for my buzzes.

[schwahead]

the shit has made me stupid wayyyy too much

[Cosmic Butterfly]

It was fun the first couple of times, but then it became bad. It damaged me, it was just way to intense and sapped all my energy.

Never again. Ugh.