Wish I'd....

[Burn]

temptress , giving into all in sight.

believe me, i'll take you for what is right.

i broke the mold and now i'm loose,

i tried to hold my own,

against the noose.

but a tyrant's claw is tight around the neck,

i've tried, i've tried, but it's no use.

and i keep telling myself,

(keep telling myself,)

day by day,

i see lines fade into...

way by way,

i see the times escalate and bring to...

end this, end this,

(i keep telling myself,)

end this, end this.

there's gotta be a way through,

i keep tellin' myself.

(there's got to be some way to.)

but i'm all i ever hated.

(there's got to be some way through,)

i wish i'd never made it.

[KRose]

Thats really pretty, I wish I could write like that.

[krazy_4_mike]

:p cute i like that a lot ... keep it up

[TomDijon]

"when going through hell, keep going"-winston churchill

i like the style, but you could work on your descriptions. It has a nice sound to it though, for sure. rolls well

[skyfire]

oh man...i feel you...there is no worse feeling in the world than desperation...there are many nights i cant get to sleep because all i can think is 'how the hell am i going to get out of this one alive, and is it worth the effort...'

"but i'm all i ever hated"...good line

i am going to have to disagree with tom up there...desperation cant be described, it has to be experienced...and you captured the feeling perfectly... i.e. unfinished, blocky, rapid thoughts, repitition, and your use of parenthesis...you ever notice how literal parenthesis are? anyway...thank you for this piece, and stay strong...you're not alone...