when i am with you

[mysti]

idk y i wrote this, is it crap?

just another day in life,
just the usual,
pain and strife.
will i pull through?
why should i go on?

i learned a valuble lesson just the other day,
with you i am safe,
you are my escape,
i belong under your wing.

when i am with you i forget about my pain,
i nolonger hear angry voices shreaking my name,
when with you i am free,
with you i am home...

once i leave you the monsters break loose,
the storms arise,
hell is free,
i am alone in myself,
i only survive because i have memories of you and know i will see you again,
when i am with you...

so how is it? does it suck?

[soulrebel51]

It was only semi-crappy until the last stanza... then it turned into a muddy pile of shit.


Sorry :D but I aint gonna lie.

[BraveSirRubin]

I think you should give up on exposing your poetry to the public for at least another year or two.

[browneydgrl]

for starters....dont label the beginning of every one of your poems with a spout of self-deprecation...its not necessary, not attractive, not going to help your poem, nor is it particularly healthy :)

then, take everything sir rubin and soulrebel say with a grain of salt...if you bother to read their comments at all. always rude and rarely constructive.

[clockworkorangeagain]

um guys....only 13 kay!