dear broken heart...

[mysti]

dear broken eyes,
dear broken eyes,
can you see through the lies?

dear broken heart,
dear broken heart,
will you ever mend?

dear troubled mind,
dear troubled mind,
will you ever think clearly again?

dear false truth,
dear false truth,
will you ever be real?

dear hidden forest,
dear hidden forest,
where do you lye?

dear broken youth,
dear broken youth,
why must we continue life this way?

dear hurt soul,
dear hurt soul,
will you ever be full?

dear deceived spirit,
dear deceived spirit,
will you ever fly again?

dear lost hope,
dear lost hope,
will you ever come back?

dear lost and lonely girl sitting all alone,
has your love ever shown?

dear cheated love,
dear cheated love,
will you ever forgive them?

dear lost balance,
dear lost balance,
wont you return?

to my anonymous love,
do you want to be found?

dear my love,
dear my love,
havent you wanted to be with me?

dear one held captive,
dear one held captive,
havent you longed to be free?

yes my love,
yes my love,
i will wait for you.


how is this? am i improving on my writing skills?

[saffronfrancisburnet]

hi
this is the first poem of your i have read on here

i love the roll of words,
the way you touch upon feelings

dont hold back on your writing
i feel you have much more to say and ask
in life..so far

love npeace from saff

[Burbot]

i like it...it has sort of a simplicitcality that makes it nice...and also the simplicity, to me, feels like the narrator is hurt beyond words and thats why they are forced to repeat lines and speak in quick sentences...


my english teacher made me do this...and for that i am sorry...he picks apart like every single poem, even those about not being picked apart

[Bhaskar]

Very nice...except the line dear my love was a little awkward...perhaps dear beloved?

[mysti]

what do you mean 'awkward'? j/w

[Bhaskar]

it just doesnt read smoothly, it is like a a singer having hiccups in the middle of a song.

[mysti]

i will work on that, im still learning, thanks for the critisism!! anything else?

[mysti]

oh and yes, i am hurt beyond earthly words.why did he do thay to me?

[Bhaskar]

Thats how the world is. Just keep in mind that it is through pain that we grow. A stone must be cut, hammered and sandpapered before it becomes a beautiful idol of divinity.