'Bout To Lose My Mind....

[~Sam~]

'Bout to lose my mind... I think.

I slept in my own bed for the first time in months the other night. I've had to sleep on the couch sitting up so that I wouldn't injure my shoulder and boy did that bed feel good. Only problem was I had all that space to toss-and-turn around in and I ended up hurting my shoulder anyway.

So much for small miracles. I'm back on the couch for the time being.

Thought I'd bring you up to date on what I've been doing... or not doing.

I quit smoking and drinking. (No, not cigarettes... they do keep me sort of sane) Now, I don't know what to do with all this clear headedness I suddenly find myself in possession of.

I'm dreaming again too, and dreaming is something I haven't had the pleasure of doing for so long now that I'd given up all hope of ever dreaming again.

Not only that, but near the end of my usage of the substance (and I've been using for nearly 44 years) I could only take one or two tokes then I would almost cough my lungs up. I just couldn't breathe anymore. So as you can see I had no choice in the matter. Not if I want to keep on living I don't.

Not gonna give up the ciggy-butts though. I think one habit at a time is enough for anyone to deal with. Drinking is not that big a deal because I really and truly didn't drink all that much anymore... my liver couldn't handle the toxic stuff and I didn't like the effects either.

Wish me luck with this endeavor... I'll be talking to you soon.

[poor_old_dad]

I love your opening line - "'Bout to lose my mind... I think."

Reminds me of one of my own sayings - "Best I recall, my memory has always been good."

Anyway, it's good to hear that you're doing better enough to try to sleep in the bed, etc. Sorry it didn't work out that try, but I bet it will soon.

I quit smoking (Cigs) 807 days, 20 hours, 48 minutes ago. Not that I'm counting. I had stopped smoking (other) on a regular basis about 7 years ago. Problems with supply. At this point, a lot of folks would say, "So I know exactly what you're going through". But that's a load of what is shoveled from your barn. I think that we're all similar, but all different. That applies to art, music, food and to how we're effected when we choose to stop doing something that on one hand has been a source of pleasure, but on the other hand has become a problem.
Even though I don't know exactly what you're going through, I know this: After getting the cigs out of my system (mostly lungs), I too returned to dreaming. My research has shown that this is probably because breathing better allows for better sleep, deeper sleep, healthier sleep. And that is (I believe) key to better over all health.

Down here it's spring and that means being busy as ________ (fill in cliche of choice). This year's problem (there's one each year) has been dampness, almost wettness. The past 30 day we've gotten measureable rain 16 days, 11 of those were less than .25 inch, 6 of those less than .1 inch! Another problem is I may have bitten off more than I can chew. Trying to do too much. 100% increase in the size of the herb garden and 50% increase in the size of the veggie garden.
Plus, as of Monday (March 7th), my little farm adds a new phrase to it's description, "Empty Nest". My youngest son has joined the Navy and ships out on that day.

Good luck, take care, heal, and get some sleep.

Peace,
Your friend,
poor_old_dad

[shameless_heifer]

Sam, wishing you the brightest blessing in your endevor to becoming healthy in body mind and spirit.
You know I'm gonna say something Sam, so I hope you take it with the love it was given.
Altho you didn't ask, I'm giving anyway, as you know I sometimes do. It's my nature, I can't help it. so here goes.
Sam I applaud you from the strength it takes to quit any habit. But, I do question your choice of habits to break. I mean their yours to do what you will, and I'm not challenging you. I just wonder what drew you to quit pot instead of ciggies. What brings me to that question is the marijuana artical you posted of the research findings, that MJ is beneficial to health and ciggies are of course poison. Now don't get riled up. I'm a smoker too.
I have given up the drugs and the drinking yrs ago, but I find that it is most difficult to quit smoking manifactured tobacco. Even with all my knowledge on healing the body, I can't stop smoking.
I do try to counter act the poisons in tabacco with herbs and tomatoes and such, so my body will have some kind of defence, still haven't been able to controll this part of my brain and gain mastery over it. I am very strong willed, but in this situation I'm lost to sea.
I suppose I'm like you and feel comfy with just one vise, smoking, as it were. I do still smoke pot, when ever I get a chance to, it's a great pain killer, and sooths the mind.
I do wish you the best of all things Sam. Blessed Be. LOVE LOVE LOVE

[~Sam~]

Hey Dad! I've been thinking about you as I keep my eye on the National Weather map. Can I interest you in the purchase of a row boat?

A couple of years ago we had a cold, wet spring that continued into July. Obviously I didn't even waste my time planting a garden that year. I have plans for this year though.

Last Wednesday, Kenny was picking together the trash for garbage day. My bottom dentures turned out to be very uncomfortable. I couldn't eat with them in or even talk right, so they found a home on the coffee table wrapped in a paper towel. On Friday, when the horseshoer came I went to put them in my mouth... they were gone. They now reside in a land fill somewhere.

So... I called the Dentist who's doing this "Wonderful" (cough, cough) work in my mouth and asked if he couldn't make me a new pair so that I might go out to dinner next Friday night to celebrate our 29th anniversary. I was told that it would be weeks before they could give me an appoinment!

I freaked and said; "What? You people have Ho-Hum dollars of my money, you had better re-think your appoinment schedule. I went in on Wed. and told him three times that I didn't want more surgery because of my physical condition at this time... when I returned on Thurs. the dental tech came at me with some gauze pads smeared with numbing jell. I asked him what it was for and he said to numb my gums.

With a little bit of horror in my eyes, I said; "I don't need my gums numbed to have an impression made for dentures." And he informed me that I was going to have my implants uncovered and healing caps put on.

I flatly said "NO!" I don't want surgery and cannot tolerate it at this time, I just want teeth in my mouth so that I might go out and celebrate my anniversary next Friday."

The dentist says to me from the next room; "Well, then I can't help you."

I stood there trying to keep myself from going postal, thought about what Ken would say and have me do, and then, very reluctantly I sat down in the chair and had more surgery done.

So along with Thanksgiving and Xmas, my most auspicious anniversary ever, is Shit Canned too.

Last night I got sleep in half hour bits with hours of being awake in between. I tell ya, you can't trust anyone these days. In reality, I have only one person I can call friend and trust with my life. That be Ken.


Shameless. Do you know that one joint is the equivalent of one pack of cigarettes? It was the herb that was clogging my lungs and making me hack my lungs out, not the cigarettes. The type of herb, clone, is the real culprit.

I sent Kenny an article from a medical research site this week. It's called:
Brain Activity Of Men And Women Can Differ Greatly During Hostile Or Impulsive Acts, But Less So On Nicotine (http://www.biocompare.com/gonl.asp?id=89666)
more... (http://www.biocompare.com/gonl.asp?id=89666)

The site seems to down this AM or it would be copied here.

So, I'll tell you what I tell anyone else who comments on my smoking habit: "Messing with my cigarette smoking will be hazardous to your health."

Dear heart, you are well intentioned... but terribly misguided.

Take Care All,
Sam

[shameless_heifer]

Sam,
I was just inquiring about your choice not condeming you for smoking, I smoke too. I was talking about how hard it is to quit smoking. I would like to quit ciggs, but I find it one obsticial I haven't yet been able to overcome. I don't see how that is miss-guided. If I were to have a choice as to which I'd rather quit, it would be the ciggs because I get other benefits from the MJ and none from the cigs. I can't see where this is mis-guided either. But you have the right to think whatever you want about me. I was just making converstaion and trying to be friends. As mis-guided as that may seem to you it seemed innocent enough to me. Sorry if I offended you yet again. It will not happen in the future. Peace Sam.

[~Sam~]

I'm confused, Shameless. Over in Old Hippies, I read that you're smoking "illegal". Here you say that you've quit herb and smoke cigs. It is My choice to have whatever habit turns me on. My choice also, to give up whichever one causes me grief. And that should be enough reason for anyone else.

I ask for no applaudes and no energy from others for Anything that I choose to do. I am quite capable of accomplishing my choice of changes on my own. The reason that I have a Personal Forum is to share what's happening in my life with the friends I've made here. Yes, for No Other purpose. And this saves me the time of repeating myself on separate email mailings.

The misquided I was speaking of was of your habit of jumping in to help where no outside help is asked for.

Does your husband work to provide and care for his family? Does he have personal pride in doing so? How do you think he'd feel if a stranger was organizing a relief fund for something he is Very capable of handling on his own?

I don't feel that I have to qualify my posts or responses with, "I hope you take it with the love it was given." If you read and understand my words, you can figure out my intent on your lonesome.

When you first came here, I asked what kind of goats you had. You said that you have Nubians. I have had Swiss breeds for more than 35 years, and although I've had Nubians in my commercial dairy herd to increase the total butterfat content of my bulk milk, I don't care for them. So let's put these personality differences between us in terms of the characteristics of the Swiss and African breeds of goats.

The Swiss breeds; French Alpine, Saanan and Toggenburg are independent of spirit, quiet most times unless in a full "standing heat", and they don't require all kinds of lovely-dovey reassurances from their goatherd. They are self assured and don't hesitate to let anyone else know that. They also respect personal space, both of their herd mates and the humans who handle them.

The African Breed; Nubians are very dependent, noisy all the time, and annoyingly demanding of attention all hours of the day. They will walk all over their herd mates to get at food or their goatherd, and usually walk all over their goatherd too. Which means they don't have a clue what personal space means... unless you show them in no uncertain terms... which I have had to do in order to co-exist with them in my herd. I don't like them, and that's putting it mildly. Most of the Swiss breed owners share this opinion and we usually don't buddy-up with Nubian owners.

I also give the owners of Irish Setters and small, yapping dogs a wide berth. It's sort of like a "Personality Identification System" I've developed to steer clear of those who don't respect personal space.

From what I can tell of your replies to others here, you seem to be very reactive, without understanding what you're reacting to. You came to the forums with the intention of straightening everyone out, or to bring them around to your way of thinking. And when you're told in no uncertain terms that your advice and opinions are not appreciated, you go everywhere else to whine and cry about the responses you've gotten.

Now, if you'd wish to discuss the origin of diseases, the pathophysiology of same, the physiology of human animals and of those animals above us, I'd be delighted to have a professional talk. But the outcomes of our brief encounters show me that we're like ships passing in the night.

I'm not a Lovey-Dovey kind of person, and the fawning kind of replies such as; "Oh, you're so this, and you're so that, and isn't life wonderful when we all have our noses stuck up each other's asses", makes me want to retch for the delusional falseness of it all.

I'm a iconoclastic realist. Nothing more, nothing less.

Sam

[shameless_heifer]

Your self hatered amazes me. You must be a tortured soul. No wonder you have so many accidents, your karma coming to call. Well it's yours and you deserve it. Good Luck you need it.
Shameless_heifer
PS I pity your goats.

[oldwolf]

Tch Tch -
Now girls - are you helping the process or exacerbating it -
<<Ducks>>
eee yow ! - now that weren't called for - I'm outa here

Love you both

[shameless_heifer]

Busts out laughing, rolling on the ground, how funny. How true. How silly. I toast you Old Wolf, Dare any one else say the truth, there comes Old Wolf with a grin and a twinkle in his eye. Blessed are the PeaceMakers.
I take full responsibility for my action and apologise to all concerned for any incovienence I have caused.
I do not how ever take back my wanting to help Teepi or anyone else that may have a need. And I do not apologise for the Love Love Love I have or share.
But I also do not want to antagonise any one. I thought we had gotten past that. Since we have not. I will not be back in your forum Sam. I didn't realize I wasn't welcome. NP. I'm sure you will feel better or something without my presents. I don't want to be in your place if you don't want me here. And I'm not your whipping boy, so happy trails to you.

[poor_old_dad]

How about a song? Here's one of my most favorite:

He Ain't Heavy, He's My Brother

-Written by B. Scott and B. Russell as performed in 1970 by the Hollies

The road is long
With many a winding turn
That leads us to who knows where
Who knows when
But I'm strong
Strong enough to carry him
He ain't heavy, he's my brother

So on we go
His welfare is of my concern
No burden is he to bear
We'll get there
For I know
He would not encumber me
He ain't heavy, he's my brother

If I'm laden at all
I'm laden with sadness
That everyone's heart
Isn't filled with the gladness
Of love for one another

It's a long, long road
From which there is no return
While we're on the way to there
Why not share
And the load
Doesn't weigh me down at all
He ain't heavy, he's my brother

He's my brother
He ain't heavy, he's my brother...

Peace, please,
Ya'll's friend.
poor_old_dad