I'm just angry.

[headymoechick]

I know that that seems like a small problem in comparison to a real mental disorder. I yell everytime i get mad or frustrated. I yell and scream and throw a temper tantrum.

I have beaten depression, cutting, and post traumatic stress disorder and I can't stop yelling.

[kindwoman]

Do you know why you're angry? There must be some underlying reason why you're so angry all the time.

[headymoechick]

well, I don't know. I was raped at 14, got preggers from it, lost all my freinds, started cutting, had to STOP cutting, and pick my life back up again.

I've done all that and I beat everything else. But when I get angry, I can't stop the rage.

I'm not angry all the time, just when I get angry, it's hard for me to stop and cool down. I can't argue wihtout yelling.

Here, I never get angry about what people say, but when someone I care about ticks me off, I can't act like a reasonable person.

[seamonster66]

I used to be full of fire constatnly when i was younger, getting into heated debates...arguements..


I gradually grew out of it I guess.

people generally do mellow with age....19 is a fiery age....my advice is to remember that you won't always be in that phase of your life.

i do sometimes have problems with rage while driving, but the horn and a middle finger helps me feel better

[Heat]

Rage can be a disorder, not any different than any other. Hard to say what a degree of any illness is in comparison to another.

Most people do benefit from learning to control it.
Considering that most in society feel that is verbal abuse, controlling it is a good idea. :)

[headymoechick]

yeah, I really want to get it under control. I can't keep berating my boyfriend like I do. It's not fair to him and I'll lose the best guy I've ever met if it doesn't stop. I'll never keep ANYONE in my life if I don't get this under control.

Any tips that help when I'm in the heat of the moment?

[Heat]

A good start would be to get some help to understand why you are so angry as most people do not vent about what they are really angry about, instead they look for a situation to blow off the steam and never solve the issue of the anger that triggers them as usually it is more complicated than someone who simply left the counter a mess for example.

I had a girlfriend who was a screamer....she did get help with it and has modified her behaviour and solved the issues of anger. Her husband use to get the brunt of it as she could vent at him. The actual issue for her was that she had quit university as she became pregnant and deep down she blamed him for that but never allowed herself to go there, instead it manifested other ways. She has since gone back and finished her education. She resolved the yelling though long before she went back.

I remember at one point in her therapy her husband would have to just say she was doing it again and exit the room. She for a time would instead yell at objects rather than him and that seemed to work for her as it allowed her to blow off some steam but it was not directed at a person. So no feedback and the cycle breaks.

Good luck to you and if you wish to change it you can... :)

[headymoechick]

I'm not sure. I guess I don't like anyone to agrue with me about whether I'm right or wrong. I don't like it when I'm not listened to, and I hate the fact that my man will argue until I get heated and then make some passive aggressive comment and walk away leaving me completely pissed.

but here I am blaming him, and I KNOW it's gotta be my fault somewhere.

[Heat]

Maybe you need to get help to communicate then what you really feel, rather than express it through anger. Sounds simple but it is not easy to do if you are conditioned to react with anger. The down side is that then to most people it starts to all blend together and they zone out and do not hear what you are saying. A pattern, perhaps.

If someone were to be in my face yelling, I would tune them out and walk away as to deal with that is not productive. In order to feel like there is resolution, both need to be heard. Hard to do over one person yelling and the other not. So it probably sets up a situation of shut down rather than starting to yell back.

Honestly you probably need to get professional help to learn how to change your reactions rather than the things that irritate you. If you could be totally ticked and yet deal with it a different way the end results might be different for you.....as in you would be heard and possibly understood more.

I hope you do get help with this....life is just too short to live it in anger. :(

Wishing you healing.

[mimosa]

Some anger is a good thing, better than keeping it bottled up. Some of the people who deny their anger end up with worse problems. Some situations deserve anger. But if you feel it's out of control then that's a different animal. Go to a mental health place, you can probably find one whatever your income, and just talk things out. It's amazing what talking with an objective therapist can do. Just the talking can defuse you, and help you figure out why you're angry. I went thru a lot of anger at your age, and it still surfaces sometimes, righteously, but it's true, age is a great mellower.

Don't blame yourself totally for your anger. Sometimes it is justified. But if your reactions are bringing you grief and making you unhappy, that is a good reason to find out why you have these feelings, and to help find a constructive way to deal with them.

[headymoechick]

I refuse to see a "professional" about any of my mental health probelms. None of them did any good for me when I had the rest of my problems. It was my decision to stop living as the victim, to stop living as though I was owed something, to stop being so negative and to stop being afraid. I have accomplished so much by myself in the past few years. It was all me. Nothing anyone can say can help me. I know what to do, it's just getting there that's that hard part. It's a very natural reaction for me to speak with a nasty tone (like a cat) the second I'm frustrated/ hurt/ mad/ sad and I generally catch myself right then and there, but the nasty tone always provokes a nasty response which leads me to get even angrier. Then I yell. It's sick.

I see my boyfriend deal with things and I don't want to be like him either. He bottles everything up and withdraws and suddenly BANG! He goes off at me like a volcano evry once and a while and i pay for every little mistake that he hangs over my head.

When I get mad, I yell, then I forget. I don't hold grudges or bad feelings long at all. Once It's done, it's really done for me. I've tried to keep my mouth shut, but then I sit therem thinking about what I want to say and it eats me up. I can't let it go.

Maybe it's so hard because my boyfriend (who is the one 99% of the time that I have a confrontation with) has a completely opposite, just as unhealthy coping habit. We've both admitted that we need to work on ourselves and we know what to change. I think we can. I sure hope so.

Does that make sense?

[headymoechick]

I just did it again! I'm having an awful day and I'm up to my ears with work. this guy comes in and starts making fun of me for being pissy. I hate that. Why don't people leave others alone? It's no one's business as to why I'm mad. and I can'r even sit down for 2 seconds to eat without having to jump up for somebody else. And my boyfriend said, I'll listen to you and be an ear. I start talking and he jumps in and defends this guy. I thought he was just going to lesten or I wouldn't have talked to him in the first place. So I yelled, Why can't you say something to make me feel better instead of pointing out my faults!

I hate being argued with about being right or wrong. this guy was a fucking paint delivery person. he had no business giving me mindless advice (oh, it's friday you should relax- I have the most work on friday because I have to run payroll!) and telling me in a sarcastic way, "well jeez, hope you feel better" after I don't indulge him with his dumbass comments.

I know I shouldn't have yelled at him, but once, just for once, I want him to let me have a soft place to fall instead of always telling me it's not as bad as I think

[dilligaf]

bless yer lil soul heady moe,,,, ya sound like a mini me ,,,, not meant to be funny but tis very trueand kinda funny cuz neva woulda thunk i had a mini me out there... sorry bout ya luck ,,,


anywho my story is much like yers,,, molested, n then pregnant by molester, yadda yadda big long story, who fukkin cares,,,, but,,, i went thru all the emotions the disorders haha,,,, the cutting, the depression ,,, the whole 100 yards,,, nine is just too short for folks like us,,,, so we have more stages than many to go thru and if you think about it in a different sorta i been there way,..... you have graduated , slowly but surely from where you were,,,, i can imagine you seem much more mature than most yer age,,,, dont especially care for stupid or in our heads oxygen thieves n ignorance with me anywhere just gets ya know where,,, liars really piss me off etcetc.. but see all this is just cuz we "get it" at a much earlier age than most n cuz of our age we get looked at weird,,,,, however,,,, we are growing,,, stop the cuttin stop the whatever n the yelling stage is pretty much where iam at,,,, well i dont think my anger is that big a deal but folks around me DO... so i figger something is wrong with me,,,, thing is,,, i hate yellin and people yellin at me but then when all my rationality dont work n they start acting like a jack ass i get irritated n then to be heard go to yellin,,,,


like i said i dont think it is all that bad but others do so i try n control it,,, since i wont do the drug game i do the smoke a bit of weed to keep me a bit more mellow,,,, helps me tremendously,,,,, and not a stoned or wasted buzz just a mellow light one,,,, i have more patience too:).... n i write,,,, alot at times,,,,, makes me feel better n i do sometimes leave letters for folks,,, not real good thing to do but if that is the only way i can do it then folks just gotta understand it is me,,,, i walk alot n run away to the woods alot when i feel like i would just like to choke the fuk outta someone n cant so i scream,,,, water, firelight and air do great,,,,, drums although i aint got ,, work wonders,,,,,, i just tap my fingers a whole fukkin lot,,, at times,,,,... work in dirt a while,,, helps alot too i dunno why really i just enjoy it,,,

. i dunno how to completely control it,,, i just work at it,,, and hope that with a bit more aging time i can master it a bit more,,,, n it seems to have been working so far,,,, or i would not have been able to get to this point,,,,, so k now that with effort you will too ,,,, cuz look how far you also have come,,,,
know this is an essay but i hadda tellya in a been there,,, walked a ways in yer shoes view of our anger problems,,,,
luv n lite dilli