day

[kjhippielove88]

a new one i wrote today at the doctors office. its just a draft and theres plenty more work to be done to it

a young sun awakens with the rooster
winds sway the willow's weep
blue waves tease the shore
morning drums beat

scents fill the air
critters scale veteran trees
vibrations shake the meadow
the buzz of bumblebees

clouds cry
afternoon lays its scene
rain dances on roses petals
'tis peaceful and serene

sunset dreams begin to paint
the big star yawns
sliding behind Valley mountains
forever rising again at dawn

[kidder]

It's crisp, it's tight. I like that. Some lines are weak but it's just a draft. Soldier on!

[KittenX]

Hey, this is pretty good! I found myself liking a line or two out each stanza. I think your first stanza was my favorite wholistically. Then in second stanza, I liked "critters scale veteran trees"....good draft!!