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OneUndone
01-10-2005, 03:35 AM
You can blame the pen
that wrote the lines
that tore a lover's heart...
that siezed my lady
from my arms,
that caught me naked,
wasting breath,
trying to account for why
I did not see
a sunrise in her eyes...
you can blame the black and white
of letters strewn
in reckless lines
that tried to piece together
skies full of stars
that never shined
on wishes that the both of us
wished awhile when we were young...
you can blame the dictionary
that kept to itself every word
that could have mended
broken poems and broken promises
some of which
I know that she believed...
and every word
that drops away
having little to do
or little to say
is another gray hair
in a head full of gray...
I wish I could've shown her
how words don't matter
at all.

puddin
01-10-2005, 03:58 AM
Thats awesome. It's a great idea.

Bhaskar
01-12-2005, 04:17 PM
Dear friend,

That is one of the best poems you have written, and you have written some corkers in your time (excuse my britishness). It is so full of feeling, so expressive and eloquent. I love your clever and insightful turns of phrase. Stiff upper lip, old fruit!

KittenX
01-12-2005, 10:13 PM
Wise, wise words...well woven piece with a great choice for a metaphor. Last couple of lines hit too close to home!

browneydgrl
01-12-2005, 11:03 PM
wow that is so sad. the air of hopelesness that clings to it is heartbreaking. beautiful writing.

P.S. i used to live in houston :eek:

gdhmomchild
01-13-2005, 05:36 AM
nice work, *sigh* yeah, hard to take back words harshly spoken or written. Hope yer back to writing again. thanks

Anavarius
01-13-2005, 11:58 AM
Wonderful poem. I really related towards the end. Sadly touching.

saffronfrancisburnet
01-16-2005, 09:22 PM
yet with pen on paper words reach within
to remind all,.of how words can mean
nothing......


this is beautiful man...
how the timing always drifts away
before the words find a meaning....
like life,like the grey among the hairs
of youth.........

lovely poem oneundone.

lovenpeace
from saff......

OneUndone
01-17-2005, 09:49 PM
Thanks, everyone, for all your kind responses! It felt kind of vulnerable to post this...kinda personal. Thanks for making me feel welcome again on the poetry forum!

Love, Dan

Firebelle
01-17-2005, 10:27 PM
Hello.

I like your poem...I recognised it's author at once, your style is just the same.

Welcome back...